Page 11

TEN

PSYCHOTIC

UNHOLY CONFESSIONS—AVENGED SEVENFOLD

CALISTA

I feel like I’m coming down, crashing from an unbelievable high. My body doesn’t feel right, and my mind is playing fucking tricks on me, hitting me with flashbacks of my time spent chained in the attic. But why now? I had an unusually amazing night with Five—I’d never felt that happy before.

But now, I sit huddled in a dark corner in his bedroom with my knees pulled against my chest, rocking back and forth while trying to shake the filth from my head.

I haven’t seen Addy. I haven’t talked to her either. She was the only one I’ve ever had who stayed by my side, and now she’s gone, sending me spiraling into a never-ending black hole of darkness and despair.

I can feel tears sliding down my cheeks, my once bright smile suddenly gone. Pulling my hood over my head and tucking my face between my knees, I rock faster, trying to become invisible. But it doesn’t work.

I keep thinking about the man I killed and how I escaped, terrified that Gunnar or my parents will find me and bring me back to hell. I can’t go back. I’ll never fucking go back.

I need my meds, but they’re too far out of my grasp, my backpack on the couch in Five’s living room. The inside of my thighs begins to itch, and a painful burning sensation spreads like fire across my skin. My scars throb, and all I want to do is create more of them, knowing that cutting myself is the only way I’ve learned how to stop the pain.

“Addy?” Suddenly Five calls out to me, but I’m too afraid to look up and face him.

Is he going to get mad at me? Is he going to hurt me? Will he hit me like my parents did when I was having an episode? I’m too afraid to find out. But he doesn’t go away as much as I hope for under my breath, still rocking back and forth.

I can feel him close to me, his shadow blocking the flickering, dim light filtering in through the window. He crouches down and puts his hand on my shoulder, making me flinch out of habit. But I manage to stop rocking, feeling the warmth from his hand through my sweatshirt.

Then he speaks softly, “Little Mystery, what’s going on? Talk to me.”

I reluctantly lift my head, my eyes meeting his concerned gaze; it’s like he can see right through me, and for the first time in a long while, I’m not afraid of a stranger so close to me.

“I need my medicine,” I whisper, my voice barely audible.

Without hesitation, Five gets up and retrieves my backpack, pulling out my medication and handing it to me. “Take them,” he says gently. “It's going to be okay—you’re going to be okay.”

Taking out a few extras, I swallow the pills with a dry mouth, feeling their calming effects slowly spread through me. The burning and itching begin to subside, and the weight on my chest feels a little lighter. But Addy still isn’t here, which hurts my heart and breaks it even more.

Five sits with me, not saying anything, just being here. And that’s all I need right now—someone to just be there for me. I wipe the tears from my cheeks and manage a weak smile.

“Thank you,” I say, forcing a smile.

Five nods, his eyes filled with understanding. “Don’t thank me,” he replies. “Just let me know if there’s anything I can do for you.”

I return the nod, finally leaning into him, my head resting on his shoulder. He puts his arm around my back and pulls me even closer, lazily dragging his fingers up and down the side of my arm.

I have no idea how long we sit in the corner on the uncomfortable hardwood floor, but by the time we both stand up, I feel ten times better.

“Do you want to talk about what just happened?” Sitting on the bed, he asks cautiously, gently tugging me down on the end of the bed beside him.

“You should be calling me Little Psycho, Five, cus I’m as fucking crazy as they come,” I admit, laughing wickedly at my own pain.

His lip curls into a sexy smirk, giving me the same heavy feelings I had for him earlier. “That’s okay. I prefer my women crazy.” He winks, making me smile. And then he grabs my hand and laces his fingers with mine, gazing into my wild eyes with a serious look. “You’re a fucking mystery, crazy girl, and I fucking love it. I don’t know what you’ve been through, what you’re dealing with, or what you’re running from, but just know, you’ve got a safe place to lay your head for as long as you need.” He leans in, closing the gap between us, and presses a soft, lingering kiss on the tip of my nose.

“What are you waiting for? Fucking kiss him, Cali,” Addy whispers in my ear, showing up out of the blue.

I can feel my lips twisting into a grin, knowing she’s finally back. And so I lean in and grab the collar of his shirt, pulling him as close to me as I can. My lips find their place on his, and my tongue thrusts into his mouth, eagerly twirling around. He’s a bit hesitant at first, making me feel like there’s something wrong.

As I go to break the kiss, he grabs the back of my neck and deepens it, working his tongue like a twister around in my mouth. I moan softly, leaning into him even more, letting all my fears and worries drain away as I lose myself in the intoxicating moment.

When we finally pull away, I rest my forehead against his, our heavy breaths mingling together in the dark, dusty bedroom, making me feel reborn.

I came to Five’s seeking escape, but I realize now that it’s not just an escape I need. It’s someone to stand by my side and help me face the demons of my past and present. But Five isn’t the only one I need. I need Dominic. I need Killian. I need Ash. And lucky for me, I know just where to find them—for the most part.

“I’m going to take a walk,” I tell him, reluctantly pulling out of his warm embrace.

“It’s late, Addy, and this part of town isn’t too safe.” He looks at me with worried eyes as I snatch my backpack off the floor, unzipping it to pull out the gun that I stole.

“I’ll be fine, Five. I’d like to see someone try something.” I quickly show him the gun before putting it back in the bag and slinging it over my shoulder.

He nods, knowing there’s not much he can do to change my mind or keep me here, a panty-soaking smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “Who the fuck are you, Little Mystery?”

I stand in front of him and cup his cheek in my hand, fighting through the desire that’s flooding my core. “I’m the girl your parents always warned you to stay away from, Five.” I give him a final kiss before walking away, a confident smile on my lips as his front door closes behind me.

* * *

One by one I make my way through the dark streets, the sounds of the night providing a familiar backdrop for my wandering mind. It’s not long before I arrive at a rundown bar where the music spills out into the street, a calling just for me.

As I push open the creaky door, the buzz of voices and clinking glasses wash over me, a comforting sense of belonging seeping into my bones. I find a seat at the end of the bar, making sure I have a view of everyone around me. Addy sits down beside me, her presence a soothing balm to my frayed nerves.

“I need to find them,” I tell her, accepting an unopened beer from the bartender.

“We will. Why don’t you ask around? I’m sure you’ll find something out.”

“I don’t need them to know I was asking questions. I don’t want them to know that I’m free just yet.” I twist the cap off the beer and begin chugging it, welcoming the old memories of me and the guys as they come crashing back one by one.

We were a motley crew, a band of misfits brought together by our own chaos and darkness. But we have been apart for so fucking long I begin to worry that our once tight bond would be broken now, especially after all the shit that’s happened over time.

I don’t know them anymore, and they don’t know me. But I’m determined to change that—I just need to find them first.

With my bottle to my lips, I look around the bar, trying to hear bits and pieces of multiple conversations at once, hoping to hear something that will lead me in the right direction. But I don’t hear shit except for the bell ringing on the door as it opens. Looking over at it, I almost spit my beer out, the bottle about to slip from my grasp.

“Cali, look,” Addy says with a cheerful tone, anxiously tugging on my sleeve.

“I am, Addy. Is that…” I blink a few times, making sure I’m not seeing things.

But as I focus my eyes on the man that just walked in, there’s no mistaken that it’s Killian—tall, tatted, and blonde—there’s no mistaken him anywhere.

Quickly, I toss a ten on the bar to pay for my beer and swiftly sneak out the back exit, pulling my hood over my head as I walk down the alley to the front of the building to wait for him to come back out.

I stay out of sight, smoking cigarette after cigarette while I wait. I can’t believe he just fell into my lap, but fuck, I’m grateful for it. I’ll wait as long as I have to because I don’t know when I’ll see him again. I can’t let him slip away when I’m this close to having him back.

As the sun breaks through the horizon, illuminating the city with a wash of golden light, Killian walks out of the bar alone, striding down the dark, quiet street, completely unaware that I’m following right behind him. Every time he turns around, most likely feeling my presence behind him, I duck behind the parked cars lining the curb.

I manage to stay out of sight the whole walk to his apartment. I don’t have a plan other than finding out where he and the guys stay so I can come back whenever I want. That’s enough for me—for now. I’m not ready to come face to face with my past just yet; I need to work myself up for it.

I memorize the building he goes into and watch as a light flips on in a room on the first floor. And then I turn around and walk back to Five’s, realizing when I get there that he only stays about five minutes from the guys.

Even fucking better.

* * *

Walking into Five’s, I slowly close the door until the latch clicks, locking it behind me. Slipping my shoes off by the front door, I tiptoe down the hallway, the sound of light snores coming from his bedroom startling me.

My cheeks hurt from smiling, knowing the guys are just within my grasp and they don’t even fucking know it. I embrace the carefree attitude, enjoying feelings I haven’t felt in a while—if at all.

Walking into the bedroom, I drop my bag on the floor near the door and pull my sweatshirt off, pushing my pants down, so I’m left in nothing but panties and a t-shirt that hardly covers my ass. I can’t get rid of the riveting sensation inside of me, and as I look at a sleeping Five, shirtless with his cock hard and lifting the blanket, a wild idea hits me like a sucker punch.

Carefully, I climb onto the bed and straddle him, gently putting my weight on the lower half of his body. My hands massage his stomach, my fingers gliding over his defined muscles. He stirs in his sleep, turning his head so he’s facing the window, the light casting a soft glow on his beautiful face; it turns me on even more. Palming his cock over his boxers, he groans, his chest rising with each breath. And then I pull it out, rubbing his warm tip along my lips.

“Mhm,” he moans, his eyes still tightly shut.

Parting my lips, I ease his cock into my mouth until the tip pushes against the back of my throat. Once I seal my mouth around him, I put one hand on his stomach and use the other to cradle his balls, gently rubbing them in my palm. My tongue swirls around his shaft, and I begin to bob my head, rolling my lips up and down on him.

Suddenly, he grabs my hair and tugs it tightly, forcing tears to prick my eyes as I suck with minimal guidance. Even in his sleep, he’s in control, moving my head how he wants it. I widen my jaw and suck him deeper, swallowing with his cock down my throat.

“What the fuck?” he gasps, flinging his eyes open and putting them on me, watching while I happily suck him off. “Little Mystery, are you taking advantage of me in my sleep?” he chuckles, moving my hair out of my face so he can see me.

“I was in the mood,” I whisper, sliding his cock out of my mouth so I can speak.

“Well, why the fuck did I stop? Keep fucking sucking.” He drops his head back onto the pillow, still firmly holding my hair.

His hips thrust sporadically, giving his cock an extra push down my throat. My cheeks hollow from sucking him hard, his grunts turning me on. But it’s not enough for me. I need more than to just feel him in my mouth. I need to feel him inside me.

One look at him while his cock is deep in my throat, and he winks, already knowing where my mind is drifting to.

“Get the fuck on, Little Psycho. I can tell by the look in your eye that you want my cock." He lets go of my hair and grins. “So fucking take it. Ride me like the little fucking freak that you are.”

I let his cock fall from my mouth as I sit up, pulling my shirt over my head. His eyes dart to my tits, and he bites his lip, anxiously watching as I slide my underwear down, balling them up in my hand. I straddle him, leaning down to capture his lips in a heated kiss that only makes me want him more. He bites my lip, making me wince as the taste of blood coats my tongue. When I pull away, I smirk and shove my underwear into his mouth, muffling all sounds that boom from his chest.

He looks at me like he wants to fucking ruin me, but I’m going to be the one to ruin him first.

Rubbing my pussy over his cock, his eyes roll back as I soak him. I dig my nails into his chest and rake them down, watching bright red scratches appear.

“Fuck, you look perfect like this,” I tell him, grabbing his cock and guiding it to my pussy, sinking on him slowly.

Because my panties are in his mouth, I can’t make out what he says, but the flirty smirk curling on his lips tells me everything I need to know. I start riding him, slowly bouncing up and down in a teasing momentum that drives us both crazy. My nerves are on fucking fire. My whole body is shaking. Desperation courses through my veins, and the urge to fuck him hard and fast hits me like a fucking freight train. But I control it, wanting this feeling to last as long as I can make it.

The room is filled with the sounds of our mixed moans, his hips matching my rhythm as my walls tighten around him.

I tip my head back and whimper as he hits the spot deep inside me—the one that makes me fucking quiver. I can feel him getting closer, and I want nothing more than to feel him come undone beneath me. But I won’t give him that satisfaction just yet. Not until I’m ready.

“Don’t fucking come yet,” I demand, climbing off him, already missing the feeling of his cock stretching me out.

Facing the other way—my back to his face—I straddle him again, giving him the perfect view of my ass and pussy as it swallows his dick. I lean back, pressing my hands behind me on his thighs as I rise and fall on his cock, quickening the pace. His fingers grip my hips, helping to guide me. It’s pure animalistic lust, the bed creaking with every heavy thrust.

My body trembles from the pleasure, and I know I’m not going to last much longer. Swiftly turning, I grab his jaw and pull my underwear out of his mouth, shivering from the dark, dangerous look flashing in his eyes as he tugs his bottom lip between his teeth. He pushes his fingers into my mouth and grabs my tongue, still thrusting his hips as my ass slams down on him, his cock bottoming out inside of me.

“Get them nice and fucking wet,” he growls, his look turning serious.

I suck on his fingers until he pulls them out of my mouth, spit dripping from them. Keeping his eyes on me, he says nothing but sneaks them between my ass cheeks and pushes them into my needy hole. Of course, I gasp, my body tensing from the unfamiliar sensation, but I never stop bouncing on his cock.

“Breathe, Little Psycho,” Five whispers soothingly, fucking my ass with his fingers to intensify the pleasure already taking over.

I turn back around, squeezing my eyes shut to focus on his cock in my pussy while his fingers ruin my ass in the best way possible.

‘Five,” I moan, throwing my head back, my fingers digging deeper into his thighs with my back arched.

Nearing the edge, I reach between my legs to rub my clit while he continues to fill me from behind. My moans turn into uncontrollable screams as I finally let myself unravel, the room spinning as I ride out the waves of pleasure.

Feeling him pulsating inside me, I soak his cock with everything I have, slamming down on him as hard as I can until I’m spent. I collapse on top of him as he releases, his fingers now gentle on my skin, smearing sticky wetness all over it. And then he pushes me off of him quickly and crawls between my legs, forcefully ripping my thighs open. His hot tongue delves into my pussy, and I can feel him sucking me dry as hard spasms rock my body, making me writhe wildly underneath him.

With a mouthful of his cum and mine, he hovers over me and squeezes my jaw, forcing my mouth wide open. “Stick out your tongue,” he orders impatiently.

The second I stick my tongue out, he spits the mixture out of his mouth and into mine, and I watch it drop in thick strings, hitting the back of my throat. He slams his mouth down on mine and kisses me once I swallow our cum, exploring it like a fiend.

Panting heavily and soaked in sweat, Five drops beside me, pulling me under his arm. We lie here, tangled in each other, catching our breath in the aftermath. His laughter breaks the silence, and I find myself smiling uncontrollably.

“What a way to get woke up.” He winks, kissing me softly on my cheek.

“I thought you’d enjoy that. I couldn’t stop thinking about you,” I tell him, secretly thinking of the guys at the same time.

“Fuck, you can use me anytime you fucking want, Little Psycho. I can’t wait to see what kind of crazy you’re keeping from me.” His eyes close and his smile widens, his hold on me never loosening.

I close my eyes next, my mind completely blank for the first time since I can remember.