Page 55 of Like An Animal

THE GHOST

I feel so drowsy when I wake up, but I feel a hand on my own, squeezing my fingers. My ass hurts and my neck stings, but I’ll live. At least I think I will.

“Jer?” That’s who I would think is holding my hand.

“No. It’s me, pretty girl.”

I slowly open my eyes and gaze at Xavi’s smiling face. A small grin pulls across my lips. “Hi.”

He chuckles. “How drugged are you?”

“Just a bit. I think the pain meds are starting to wear off.”

“I’ll get a nurse then,” he offers and tries to drop my hand, but I squeeze his fingers.

“No. Not yet.” I let out a loud yawn and his eyes narrow. “Where’s Jeremy?” I ask.

“He waited until you got out of surgery then went to the warehouse with the Bastards to deal with The Fathers…well, with the exception of Isaac. Nikolai, Max’s dad, flew him and the others back to Newark.

We’re going to deal with him ourselves once you’re released from the hospital and given the okay for travel. ”

I would expect nothing less. Isaac deserves to die as painful of a death as possible and that’s just because of what he did to Massimo. That’s not even factoring in what he did to me.

Tears fill my eyes as my mind focuses on my fallen friend.

“He’s really dead, isn’t he?” My voice cracks as Xavi frowns. “Max is gone?”

Xavi slowly nods, grief across his face. “Yeah, he’s gone. Nikolai is going to start working on the funeral arrangements once Isaac is dealt with. He doesn’t want to put his son in the ground until he has had justice.” Xavi squeezes my hand.

“I’m sorry,” I sob. “I told him to come with me. He wouldn’t have been there if it wasn’t for me.”

“It’s not your fault. Any of us would’ve made the same choices he did and we all want you to feel safe with us there protecting you.

Max died knowing that you were just as protective of him as he was of you.

You put his life above your safety. He died knowing he wasn’t alone.

That’s a sort of peace only you could’ve brought him. No one else.”

A bittersweet smile tugs at my lips. “He knew it was coming. He closed his eyes and scrunched up his face, like he was bracing himself for impact. I just wanted to save him, but I failed.”

“The only ones who could’ve stopped it were Dimitri and Isaac.

You had no control in that situation. I can’t say it’s okay because Max being gone will never feel right, but we’ll all adjust, no matter how painful that adjustment will be.

The pain of him being gone is something none of us can fix.

It will always hurt. Anyone who says otherwise is either an idiot or completely heartless. ”

I know that. It still hurts to think that my mom is gone and she’s been dead since I was a kid. However, Massimo’s death hurts way worse.

“When we were in the car headed there, Max told me your secret,” I confess and I feel him stiffen.

“My secret ?”

“The one you don’t want Jeremy to know about.” I don’t need to say what it is. He already knows.

“If you’re about to friend-zone me, you can save your breath. I already know that,” he mutters, his words low and soft.

“Okay.” I look up at him and give him a soft smile.

“All I want is for you to be happy, Xavi. I don’t want to be the reason you go down a dark path.

If you need space from me to heal yourself or if it’s too hard to see me and Jeremy together, I’d understand.

All that matters is you’re happy. We can’t afford to lose you, not that we ever could.

Who else could provide the comedic relief that you do? ”

A smirk pulls at his lips and he slowly nods. “You’re not going to lose me, pretty girl, but I get what you’re saying.”

As long as he understands that I’m letting him go to live his life, that’s all that matters.

Jeremy keeps his arm around my waist as Cheryl and I walk through the front door of Jeremy’s compound.

“I’m not fragile. I’m fine,” I groan and he rolls his eyes.

“So says you.”

“Mommy!”

I snap my head around as Charlotte runs into the room, holding her favorite doll. Tears spring to my eyes as I drop to the floor and accept her flying into my arms. She presses against the injury on my throat, but it’s almost fully healed. I barely feel the pain as I hold her.

“Lottie, I missed you so much.” Tears fill my eyes as I hold her.

“I missed you, Mommy!” She nearly screams in my ear, but I ignore the pain. The only thing that matters is that she’s back in my arms.

“Oh, baby. Don’t worry. Mommy is never leaving your side again. Okay?”

She slowly pulls away and looks around me, disappointment clear on her face. “Where’s Xavi?”

“Oh, sweetheart.” I take her hands in mine. I had hoped she wouldn’t notice his absence for a bit, but it’s the first thing she picked up on. “Xavi needs some time on his own, but you’ll still see him, okay?”

Her face twists with a pain I can’t help with before she nods. The frown on her face hurts down to my core, but this is what Xavi needs. Being around Charlotte means being around me. He needs space and we don’t know how long it will be like that.

Could be days.

Could be months.

It might be even longer than that.

“Lottie, this is Cheryl,” I say as my aunt squats down on the floor next to me, smiling at my sweet baby. “She’s my aunt, which makes her your great-aunt.”

“Oh my god. She’s so big.” Cheryl smiles. “The last time I saw you, you were small enough I could hold you with one arm. Your head was smaller than my hand.”

Charlotte looks uncertain but gives Cheryl a smile. She usually doesn’t take well to new people, but she did so well when it came to Jeremy, Xavi, and Massimo that I thought she would be fine with Cheryl.

Hopefully, she’ll adjust.

Thank God she hasn’t asked where Massimo is. I don’t think I’d have the heart to tell her right now.