Page 20 of Like An Animal

THE GHOST

T hree days.

I was given three days to get my affairs in order.

I listed the house for sale and signed everything over to my Aunt Cheryl, my mother’s sister, because I know she’s the only person I can trust right now.

I know Jeremy, Massimo and Xavi will want my head on a platter if I ever manage to get out of this deal. Nothing will ever be the same.

I spent my two nights of freedom in Jeremy’s bed, crying into his pillow for everything I’ve lost.

I’m sorry, my love. I didn’t have a choice.

I hate myself for what I had to do to him, but of all the options at my disposal, it’s the one that caused the least amount of damage.

The only way I’ll survive this is if I shut down my heart and cut his claws out of the beating muscle. This right here is bad, but it’s about to get ten times worse.

Panic starts to grip me as I stare at the alarm clock on the bedside table. I dig my nails into his hoodie as I hold it against my chest.

Only a few minutes of freedom left.

Three minutes.

I unzip my duffle bag and push the hoodie inside along with my phone, wallet and the black leather bracelet Jeremy gave me with a ghost charm on it. I take off my necklace which belonged to my mother and put it in the bag.

Two minutes.

I grab Jeremy’s notebook full of all the songs he has written and put it in the bag too. Then I grab his photo album full of all the pictures left of his parents, something his grandfather sent him off with when he and Kathy moved to Grove Hill from New Jersey.

I could never forgive myself if he lost those permanently. One day, I’ll make sure he gets them back.

Tears fall down my face as I zip up the bag.

One minute.

I shove the bag under the bed and pull down the blanket to make sure it’s covered before I stand up.

“I’ll fix this someday. I promise, Jer.”

Standing up, I leave his room for the last time before heading downstairs.

The internal clock in my head ticks away with every second, even as I stand there, staring at the front door.

My insides twist as I force every emotion, every ounce of love for anyone, including my humanity, to shut the fuck down.

Disassociation is a wonderful thing. After such a long time of using it to survive trauma, I’ve learned to do it at will. The hard part is pulling myself out of it, but I don’t intend to ever do that.

Five.

Four.

Three.

Two.

And…one.

I pull open the door and find three tall men wearing all black standing there, black masks pulled over their heads. The one to the left grabs my shoulder and pulls me out the door.

“Feel free to search me. I’ve got nothing on me,” I willingly admit. One of his friends pat me down before the other one digs his fingers into the back of my neck wordlessly and pushes me toward the black SUV in the driveway.

“Get in, doll,” one of the masked men says as he pulls open the door, blocking me from the others.

I get the sense this is a kindness that he’s not supposed to give me.

He’s probably supposed to throw me in and rough me up, but I don’t disobey.

I climb into the back with no seat and sit down, staring blankly out the window.

This is for you, Jeremy. You may hate me, but at least you escaped with your life intact. I can’t say the same for myself.

The men get in the SUV and one climbs into the back with me, completely ignoring my existence.

“Back to the compound,” one of them says, but then the vehicle is silent except for the engine roaring. My body is pushed back as they take off, but I remain silent. I just sit back up and wait for the drive to be over.

A sack is thrown over my head and my hands are tied behind my back before I’m pulled from the van. I hear hushed whispers and comments that I can’t decipher from whoever is around me. It must be hundreds of people from the volume of the whispers.

“Silence!” a voice calls out in authority as I’m dragged until I come to a stop, dropping to my sore and battered knees. I don’t move as someone cuts away my clothes, leaving me naked, exposed and unable to do anything.

“We are gathered here to welcome home one of our lost and broken children, a child led astray by wickedness and desire, one who has crawled across broken glass to make her way back and pay for her sins.” A hand is placed on my head as I take a deep breath. “Give us your name, child.”

I’m not a child.

“Bronwyn,” I whisper my response, but before I can finish, a hard punch cracks across my face, but I’m not sure how they knew where my face was, hence the bag.

“You’re Godly name!” The man hisses.

I stretch my jaw before whispering a name I never wanted to hear again. “Mary Elizabeth.”

“Mary Elizabeth, offspring of the fallen advisor David, has returned to reclaim her place among the Daughters of Jephthah. Praise her and may God’s will be done!”

And the room rings out with men repeating, “May God’s will be done!”

Then, the sack is pulled from my head and I’m met with one of the most vile and disgusting creatures I have ever encountered, a sick smile across his face. “Welcome home, Mary Elizabeth. Are you ready to pay for your sins against me, darling?”

I hum the tune of one of Jeremy’s beautiful songs, Ghost , as the whip lashes against my spine, cutting deeper with every strike. My insides twist and nausea plagues me, but I don’t stop humming. The song seems to piss him off, but I keep going because his anger brings me solace.

I know the drill because it’s happened a hundred times before.

They’ll beat me until I’m too exhausted to fight, then send in half a dozen men to let them do whatever they want to me.

This is my "atonement" for allowing myself to be led astray, for letting Jeremy protect me from the abuse my father put me through.

They called it “conditioning” because this was always the plan for me. I wasn’t ever going to escape. The only thing that brings me any sort of comfort is that I know this isn’t what Jeremy is having to go through and that he’s still breathing.

I surrendered myself, did their dirty work, and it was all for him, to keep him safe.