Page 35 of Like An Animal

THE SHADOW

“ S he has your eyes.” Those four words send a whirlwind through my mind. The kid said the same thing on the plane. She just stared at me and said we had the same eyes.

What the hell is she trying to say? Maybe I’m being stupid, but I need her to spell it out for me.

“What did you just say?” I ask.

It can’t be, right?

She frowns as she mutters, “She’s your daughter, too, Jeremy.”

My…daughter?

She had my kid?

No, that’s not right. She would’ve told me if she was pregnant. I would’ve noticed something, anything.

I release my hold on her and dart out of the room, heading back to where we left Xavi and the kid. I jog into the living room and straight over to the sitting area where the mutt and Xavi hang out with the kid, who plays with her doll.

“You good, man?” Xavi asks with concern as I grab the child’s arm, turning her around. The child’s eyes widen as she looks up at me. She tilts her head to the side, but my gaze hones in on her eyes.

Just like Bronwyn said, they’re exactly like mine, but now that I’m looking for it, I see more in her face that looks like my mother–her lips and eyebrows specifically. The rest of her face belongs to her mother.

How was it that I didn’t see it before? It was staring me right in the face every time she tried to talk to me on the plane.

“You okay?” Xavi presses again, but I ignore him.

“You look sad,” the child remarks before pushing her doll against my chest. “She helps me be happy.”

“Screw being sad. He looks like he’s having a stroke,” Xavi remarks under his breath, but I ignore him.

I know my grandfather and others will want a paternity test to prove Bronwyn’s claim, but I see the evidence on Charlotte’s face.

She’s my child.

“She’s yours. You keep her.” I hand the doll back over to her and she shrugs.

“Okay.” Then, she lifts her head, looking over my shoulder, and she grins so big it lights up her whole face.

“Mommy!” I drop my grip from her arm as she runs around me.

I turn to watch her as she darts straight for Bronwyn, who drops to her knees to accept her hug.

Charlotte throws herself at her mother who holds her tight.

Kissing her cheek, Bronwyn pushes Charlotte’s hair out of her face.

“Are you okay, baby?”

Charlotte nods before giggling. “Yup. Xavi made my doll dance and sing. It was funny.”

“You had fun?”

The little girl grins. “Loads. I’m hungry though.”

I turn a sneer toward Xavi. “You didn’t feed her?”

He shrugs. “You told me to bring her here. You didn’t give me any further instruction. Plus, she’s been having a good time. What is up with you? You’re acting strange.” Xavi gives me a weird look, but I brush him off.

I look at Massimo before talking. “Get her some food.” Then, I look back at Xavi. “And you, take her to get stuff for her room, whatever the fuck she wants.”

Xavi arches a brow and tilts his head at me. “Huh?”

“You heard me. We’re going to be here for a while. Grab some guys to get everything set up once you get back.”

“Are you feeling alright, man? Why do you care about having a room set up for the girl?” Massimo pipes in.

“Yeah. I understand that she’s Bron’s kid, but I don’t get it either. You were brushing her off on the plane. You didn’t seem to have any interest in her.”

Because I didn’t. I had no interest in being bothered by a kid I didn’t know or necessarily like. But, it’s different because she’s mine.

She’s been in the world for four fucking years and I missed everything. I wasn’t there when she was born, when she took her first step or when she started talking. And I wasn’t in fucking jail. I had no excuse for not being there.

Not a single fucking one.

I can never make up for that absence, but I can try. A good place to start is by making a space just for her.

“Just do it,” I press.

I stand up and walk over to Bronwyn and Charlotte as she keeps telling her mother about the different games Xavi has played with her while still clutching her raggedy doll tight to her chest.

Massimo walks out the front door as I stop beside my wife and our…daughter.

That sounds so weird to say, even in my head.

Charlotte jumps up to her feet immediately. “You feel better?” she asks, tilting her head to the side.

I nod before clearing my throat. “Max will be back soon with food and after you eat, Xavi will take you to get some things to make yourself feel more…comfortable.” The words feel weird and awkward, especially since I’m saying them to a four year old child.

She screeches as she throws her arms around my legs, like I just gave her the best gift ever. She grins up at me as she says, “Thank you, Jeremy.” Then, she runs back over to Xavi before flopping on top of the mutt, who barks at the move.

That’s what you get, mutt.

I turn my gaze back to Bronwyn, who’s watching our daughter play with the creature they brought with them. I clear my throat and she looks up at me, her eyes narrowing.

Yeah, that anger is mutual.

“Get up. We need to talk.”

She stands and I grab her arm, pulling her toward the hall to get enough distance from Xavi and Charlotte for privacy. I would take her back to the office, but I don’t want to leave Charlotte yet and that’s a strange thought to have.

I want to stay with her.

“Let go of me,” she hisses as we stand at the start of the hall.

“Why the fuck did you hide this from me?”

Her eyes widen. “Hide it? Do you seriously think I knew I was pregnant when you were arrested?”

“Well, did you?” I know my tone is accusatory, but what the fuck else am I supposed to think? She ran off while pregnant with my kid.

Her hand comes out and swings before slapping me across the face, her nails digging into my cheek.

“Fuck you! You can say all the horrible things about me you want, but that is a line you do not cross. If I knew you had knocked me up and put your baby inside me, I would’ve told you the second I knew.

You should know that and if you don’t, you never fucking knew me, Jeremy.

If anyone should be throwing accusations around, it should be me asking if you knocked me up on purpose, if you messed with my birth control.

Out of either of us, only one of us had expressed an interest in me getting pregnant and spoiler alert: it wasn’t me. ”

I mean, she has a point.

However, I don’t tell her that. I don’t say anything as I turn my head and see Charlotte and Xavi staring at us as if they heard every last word that was spoken.

Shit.

“What?” I feel my little ghost’s eyes burning through the side of my face, but I don’t take my eyes away from our daughter who looks confused and upset. Bronwyn looks at what has grabbed my attention away from her and she gasps.

Then, Xavi explodes. “I fucking knew it! I called it. You two were screwing around back then. And Lottie’s your kid, Jer?”

“Shut. Up.” I grit the words through my teeth as my gaze darts down to Charlotte.

“Cut it out, Xavi. Innocent ears,” Bronwyn practically snarls at him, nearly matching my tone.

“Oh, right. Right. Sorry. My bad. I’ll shut up now.”

Charlotte walks toward us, her tiny fingers digging into the fabric doll as she clutches it tighter than she was before.

“Mommy…” she starts before looking at Bronwyn.

“Yeah, baby?”

“Is Jeremy my daddy?” she asks and looks so conflicted, like she doesn’t know what to think or feel about this.

She wasn’t supposed to hear any of that.

It was too much for a kid her age to process.

I know she probably didn’t understand a lot of it, but what she did understand wasn’t given to her gently or at the right time.

Bronwyn thins her lips, not speaking, being as silent as I usually am.

“Yes,” I answer for her and Bronwyn immediately pinches my arm.

“What the heck are you doing?”

I narrow my gaze at her. “Telling her the truth.”

“She’s just a child. She won’t understand.”

Then, while distracted by Bronwyn’s hardheadedness, tiny arms wrap around my legs and I look down to see Charlotte hugging me, burying her cheek against the fabric of my pants. She doesn’t say anything and that’s strange because she’s been so talkative since I first saw her awake on the plane.

What exactly am I supposed to do here?

Do I just let her hug me or…

I reach down my hand and awkwardly pat her back as she holds on tight.

Then, as if to ruin the moment, Xavi speaks, “Goddamn it, Jer. She’s not a dog and even if she was, patting her isn’t the way to do it. Bron really needs to teach you how to give a proper hug.”

I glare at him, but I’m not the one who speaks.

“Hush,” Charlotte whispers before tightening her arms around my legs.

“Did she just hush me?” Xavi’s eyes widen and I struggle to hold in a chuckle. Yeah, she did.

That’s my girl.

“That’s just mean. You’re already rubbing off on her, Jer.”

Then, as if he sensed drama, the front door opens and Massimo walks in holding a big bag of fast food. Charlotte lets go of my leg and I am crushed by a feeling of loss, something I didn’t think I was capable of feeling anymore.

She screams for food as she runs toward Massimo and my gaze drifts to my little ghost who seems impassive, but also irritated.

What I really want to know is why the fuck she was so against Charlotte knowing that I’m her father?