Page 39 of Liam (Preston Brothers #4)
Liam
I saw her messages, left them on read.
I ignored her call.
But something came over me in the middle of the night, and this sudden urge to call her and ask what the fuck overtook me. Hence, the shattered screen on my now useless phone.
Swear, anger is a bitch of an emotion—one I haven’t felt in years. Trust that it takes Adelaide Baker to re-enter my life for it to respawn, just like the sinister piece of shit she is.
How I let myself forget that about her, I don’t know. But I won’t let her ruin me the way she has in the past.
Sleep is futile, so as soon as the sun breaks through the darkness, I leave the house, open the garage, and hop on one of the dirt bikes. I ride around the same paths that lead to nowhere, never once going off the property.
The old VW bus is gone now, but the memories of her still live there.
If I looked hard enough, I’m sure I’d find a stupid Starburst wrapper beneath the dirt.
The thought that she once used our property like a trash can just elevates my anger.
It’s ridiculous that it does, and I’m fully aware of that, but honestly, fuck that .
If I didn’t need equipment to film later, I wouldn’t go to the studio at all. And, sure, I could ask Linc to do it, but then the questions would come and fuck that, too.
Also, he doesn’t know shit about our hardware.
Also also, I don’t even have a fucking phone.
Thankfully, I get to the studio early enough that I know she won’t be there and rush to gather what we need, throw it all in a backpack, and get the fuck out of there.
I’ve barely stepped foot on the porch before darkness takes over—the same darkness that lives in Adelaide’s eyes.
They widen when they catch mine, and I quickly look away.
She has the audacity to speak first. “Is something wrong with your phone?”
In my head, Dad’s words replay like a broken record.
“There are no greater regrets in life than the words you spill in anger.”
But the pain in my chest… the pure rage in my gut has me seething . I press my lips tight, exhale through my nose as if that’s somehow going to help.
It doesn’t.
I can feel it… that anxious energy sweeping through my veins, creating havoc through my insides. Adrenaline spikes, streaks through my muscles, and my hands form fists to hide the trembling.
I attempt to sidestep her, but she only blocks my path more.
Silence. I need to get through this in silence.
“Liam? What?—”
“Am I a fucking joke to you?”
Her eyes widen, pupils so dark they can hide anything .
Power.
Lies.
Deceit.
“Liam,” she says, a heavy exhale leaving her. “I don’t know what happened, but?—”
“It’s like the note all over again, isn’t it?”
“What?” She shakes her head, her brow furrowed. “What note ?”
I scoff, the adrenaline pushing me so close to the edge of the cliff, I can almost feel the unsteady ground beneath me. “Real fucking convenient that your memory loss kicks in at the parts of my life I want to forget.”
Her mouth opens, closes, opens again, and if I weren’t so in tune with the ways of Adelaide Baker, I’d almost fall for it.
Again.
“So what’s the deal?” I ask. “You have a boyfriend you’ve been with for years, and I’m what?”
It’s instant—the way her shoulders drop, her eyes drifting shut—hiding the truth .
“I’m just a pawn in another one of your wicked games, aren’t I?”
“No, Liam. I wouldn’t?—”
“Bullshit, Addie!”
She cowers at the loudness of my voice.
“You have and you would! And you know what the most fucked up part is? I’m not your only victim this time. Does your boyfriend know?—”
“It’s complicated, okay?” she cuts in, matching my volume.
“Oh, yeah. I’m sure it is.” I roll my eyes, stepping closer.
“Let me guess…” I spent all night thinking about what her excuse would be, so I already came up with one—solely to hurt her.
“He wanted an open relationship—just for the summer—and you agreed. Because deep down, you know he doesn’t actually love you.
Or even want you. Because who the fuck would?
Only a sucker like me would fall for your bullshit! ”
Her eyes fill with tears, but she doesn’t back away. Doesn’t fight back. And I know it’s not because of how I’m acting. It’s because of what I said. There’s a truth in my statement… I just don’t know which part.
I laugh, not out of humor, but in disbelief. “That’s it, isn’t it?” I ask. “He wants to see other people, and you used me to make yourself feel better about it.”
Addie swipes at her tears before lifting her chin, determined. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
The anger ebbs. Flows. Just like the hatred that pumps through my veins.
Wave after wave. I shake my head, inhale all the air my lungs can handle.
“You know, you come back here with a chip on your shoulder, wanting to blame me for the way your life turned out. You want to act all tough , but you’re not.
You’re weak, just like I used to be… letting some guy dictate your emotions, treat you like shit. It’s a front, Addie. All of it.”
“So fucking what?” she snaps back, finally revealing her true self. Her arms cross over her chest, eyes narrowed and right on mine. “You think I should be more like you ? Change my skin, my appearance, for everyone else? Do it until I’m nothing but bones ?”
There’s this space—somewhere between consciousness and oblivion, and for a moment—just one—I float there… completely disassociated from reality.
It’s her voice that brings me back. Her words. “Liam… I’m so sorry.”
I push past her and down the porch steps, wishing more than anything I’d followed through with the silence.
“Liam!” she calls after me. “I’m reactive, okay? Fight or flight, remember?”
I stop in my tracks, keep my stance as even as my voice when I turn around, tell her, “Fight with someone else. I’m done here.”
“Liam…” she cries, and I don’t have it in me to care.
I hop on the bike, grab my helmet, my entire everything bursting to get out of here.
She stands in front of me now, gripping the handlebars. “Liam, please…”
I wish she’d stop saying my name. It meant something once. It means nothing anymore.
“What did you mean earlier… you said something about a note?”
“I’m done , Addie.” I start the bike, rev the engine, but she won’t budge. “I don’t give a fuck anymore.”
“Hate me if you need to,” she cries, her cheeks stained with tears. “But just tell me about the note!”
“It doesn’t matter!”
“It matters to me!”
“And you think I give a shit what matters to you ?”
“Liam, please .”
Anger and frustration cause my eyes to drift shut. It also gives her just enough time to kill the bike, take the keys. My eyes snap open, land on hers. “Addie, I’m not playing.”
“Neither am I,” she says, her chest heaving.
Rising and falling. “You may not care about me anymore, but you don’t know…
” She huffs out a breath, fighting another onset of tears she caused.
“You don’t know what it’s like to have these…
snippets of memories. I think I remember things, but these tiny scraps of moments pop up and I don’t know where they’re from or what they mean…
and if I—if I did something horrible— more horrible to you, then I want to know. ”
“Trust me,” I tell her, my tone a hell of a lot calmer than seconds ago. “You don’t.”
“That’s not for you to decide.”
I stare at her, right into her eyes. Yesterday, while I was falling for her, they were the color of honey.
I see glints of the hue now. Pieces of the girl I thought she was.
I settle the helmet between my legs, press my hands flat on it to lessen their trembling.
Then I sigh, annoyed at myself for giving in to her wants.
I haven’t told anyone about the note. Not even Lincoln.
“In sixth grade, you left me a note in my locker?—”
Her head shake cuts me off. “I… I didn’t leave you a note.”
Bullshit. “You left me a note in my locker,” I repeat.
“And you told me to meet you at the alley behind the pet store after school. You told me to come alone, and you said you had a surprise for me…” I pause, the memories flooding my mind, drowning me in desperation.
“I knew I shouldn’t have gone,” I murmur, looking down.
“Even after the hell you put me through with your bullshit names and slurs… I still went, because a part of me wanted to believe so badly you weren’t as horrible as you were.
” I glance up, give her the whole truth, the whole me , even if it kills me.
“But I liked you, Addie. And I hated that I liked you, but I did. From the moment I saw you, the first day of kindergarten.” The laughter that escapes is pure agony.
“You know what that surprise was? Your friend , Helmet, and three of his buddies.”
Addie’s breaths are short, sharp. The tears that slip from her eyes are thick, ugly.
“You know, I’d been teased, called names, pushed around, but that day…
that day I learned what a real beating was.
Four on one and I couldn’t do shit about it.
” I swallow the knot in my throat, blink back the heat in my eyes.
“You want to know why I hate surprises? That’s why.
That’s why I had Lachlan show up at the dock when he did—because I didn’t trust you then, and I sure as fuck don’t trust you now. ”
Addie covers her face, her silent cries forcing her shoulders to shake.
“You wanted to know, right?”
She lowers her hands, her sorrowful stare meeting mine.
Yesterday, I would’ve given anything to protect her from this pain.
This anguish. But today, I realized, “ You’re the reason I don’t do anything.
Why I can only be around my family, because they’re the only people in this whole fucking world I trust. You made me question everything about myself.
You made me hate even talking to people I don’t know because I’m so fucking scared I’m going to say one fucking thing that’s going to have them judge me and react to that judgment the way you did.
The way you encouraged others to. I can’t fucking breathe when I’m out there alone, and I know it’s pathetic?—”
“It’s not.”
“Don’t fucking say that shit!” I almost yell.
“Don’t act like how I feel is fucking normal.
It’s not. It’s miserable. I am miserable!
I let a few minutes of my life that happened fucking years ago ruin me the way it has, but I can’t fucking shake it.
I can’t let go of it. And I don’t know how to fix it.
I don’t know how to fix me! ” I gasp a breath, the air thick and hot when it fills my lungs.
“Please… just give me the keys and get the fuck out of my way.”