Page 16 of Liam (Preston Brothers #4)

Addie

I don’t think I’ve ever heard a silence so deafening as the one Liam and I are currently drowning in. It’s been five days since I’ve shown up to work. Five days since I last saw him. Five days since I watched my very first Preston Twins video. I’ve watched many more since.

It was clear by his reaction this morning that he didn’t expect me to return.

I smiled when I saw him; he nodded in response, and I spent the morning in the back office trying to drum up the courage to speak to him.

I waited until my break, went to the kitchen to pull out my lunch bag, and used it as a prop when I asked him if he’d like to take a walk with me.

Part of me expected him to laugh in my face, call me out on my bullshit, especially after the way I was on the boat.

All he did was ask one simple question— what did he ever do to me?

I couldn’t come up with an answer. So, I sat there, like a brat, with my arms crossed, not speaking, not making eye contact.

He waited ten whole minutes before giving up, starting the boat again, and continuing back to the dock.

Now, we’re at the dock again, our feet in the water and my untouched lunch bag sitting between us. Obviously, he didn’t laugh at my invitation to join me. He simply got up and led me here.

A light breeze passes, shifting my dress slightly, and I’m quick to push it back down.

A nervous, unintentional groan pours out of me, all while Liam remains silent.

I can only imagine what he’s thinking: If this is what she had planned when she asked me to join her, then what was the point? She could’ve done this on her own.

The truth is, I’ve spent the time away back home in Raleigh, preparing for this exact moment. I knew I couldn’t just let his question hang in the air, floating in the abyss, unwilling to fill the void in both our memories. Dayna helped me to see that, and Griffin encouraged me to push forward.

So—

Why did I make his life hell?

Liam sighs, long and loud, breaking through my thoughts. “Look?—”

“I was in a car accident a few years ago,” I cut in. It’s a selfish move on my part, but if I’m going to bleed my heart out and leave it wounded at his feet, then I have to do it now. If I wait any longer, I’ll lose the courage I spent five days building.

I can feel his eyes on the side of my head, but I keep my gaze forward, focused on my task. “There were six people involved, and three didn’t make it.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, and I know he means it.

I push through the fear and uncertainty creating a knot it my chest. “I broke my arm and hit my head pretty badly. I had to spend a few weeks in the hospital so the doctors could monitor any internal bleeding.” I reach up, fingering the hidden scar just beyond my hairline.

“They said I had a traumatic brain injury and that I might have some memory loss because of it…”

It takes a moment for Liam to gather the pieces. “So that’s why you couldn’t answer me the other day? Because you don’t remember what happened between us? Or remember where your parents are?”

I empty my lungs, lower my gaze as I shake my head, reminding myself of why I’m here…

for redemption, and redemption is realizing I’m imperfect.

“I’ve thought about it a lot over the past few days, and honestly, I wanted to use that as an excuse, but you were right.

You deserve an explanation. Not just an explanation, but the truth.

” I turn to him now, blinking back my emotions. “My parents left when I was eight.”

Liam’s eyebrows dip. “What do you mean, left? ”

“I mean, I got home from school one day and they were gone.” I shrug. “It wasn’t unusual for them not to be there, but… it took me three days to realize they weren’t coming back.”

His brow lowers, as if he’s working through all his thoughts, all at once. “So you were alone for three days?”

I nod. “Roman…” My voice cracks at the mention of my brother, and I drop my gaze again, watching the water ripple and cascade around my bare legs.

“Roman stepped up to take care of me from then on. I don’t really know why we didn’t tell anyone.

Maybe it was the fear that they’d separate us, or maybe it was our shame. ”

“Shame?”

“My parents—they weren’t all that great. They were at one point, I’m sure, but they got involved in drugs, and everything changed. They owed people a lot of money, and Roman…” I trail off.

“He had to pay them back?”

“Yeah…”

Liam’s breaths are loud, short and labored, but I don’t look at him.

I can’t. Not until I give him the answers he deserves.

“I didn’t know any of these details until recently, when Roman finally told me.

But even back then, I knew something was different.

Something was wrong. ” I flash back to all the times Roman rushed me out of the house.

“He was the one who cut the fence. He’d tell me to hide out here until he called for me to come back, so I knew whatever he was hiding from me…

it couldn’t have been good. And so when you found me that day…

” Guilt forms the tears that fill my eyes, flow down my cheeks.

I wipe them away with the back of my hand.

“I panicked, Liam. I thought you would tell someone—the cops, or your dad, or a teacher at school—and someone would check in on us and find out what Roman was doing, and…” I trail off, needing a moment to gather my thoughts, to breathe through the heartache I caused.

I glance over at the boy beside me, his head dropped between his shoulders as he white-knuckles the edge of the dock.

I imagine the version of him I left behind…

quiet, timid, broken , and I push through the heaviness of my guilt, my remorse…

for him . “Roman… he used to tell me that if I ever got into a fight, I should always get the first punch. I think, in my mind, that’s what I wanted to do with you.

Attack you before you could attack me. I figured if all the negative attention was on you, then…

who cares what you might have to say about me?

So Wyatt and I—” I stop when I notice Liam’s shoulders tense at the mention of Wyatt, and it only reinforces my regret.

My hands ache to reach out and touch him, but my mind… my mind tells me otherwise.

“You and Wyatt, what?” he asks, and the dejection in his voice cracks a piece of my heart.

It feels like the only part of me that’s real is my bones.

“We looked up stupid names to call twins, and we went with whatever came up. We didn’t even know what it meant back then, but I swear to you, that’s all it was supposed to be.

Just stupid names. I can’t remember if I fully comprehended that the black eyes and bruises you showed up with were caused by…

by what we did. Maybe I assumed it was just you and your brothers being too rough with each other.

Or, maybe, I wanted to assume that, so it was easier to turn a blind eye to it all.

And I don’t even know what else to say right now besides I’m sorry.

” I sniff back my heartache, completely unworthy of it.

“I’m so sorry, Liam. You didn’t deserve any of it. ”

He doesn’t respond, not physically or verbally.

“I was a scared little girl, afraid to lose the only person I had left. And I know it’s no excuse…

” I wipe at my eyes, hold back the sob begging to escape.

“I just needed you to know that it wasn’t your fault.

It was nothing you did.” I stand quickly, no longer able to fight back my emotions.

Liam doesn’t budge, doesn’t move an inch.

I settle my breaths, just long enough to give him one last truth.

“The other day, you asked me how I could always tell you and Lincoln apart, and I told you it was your eyes.”

He finally faces me, his melancholy stare right on mine.

“Your eyes are kind, Liam. Even now, when you look at me, having every reason to hate me, your eyes are kind . And I’m sorry I ever made you feel different.”