Page 7

Chapter Seven

Jay

The library was pretty packed today.

It was a beautiful, airy building with plenty of cozy spots to sit and study. There were computers you could use, along with a catalog of books that ranged from common and necessary stuff to books that were so rare you couldn’t check them out of the library even if you wanted to. It was one of my favorite places on campus. I enjoyed the silence, enjoyed the calm of it all. It was a nice contrast to the chaos that usually swirled around in my head.

And there’d been a ton of chaos lately.

It had been a week since I finally explained to Ryan why I felt the way I did about him. I didn’t know where my ask about making a personal statement came from, but even a week later, I still couldn’t really believe I asked him to do that.

Of course he’d say no. I was completely interjecting myself in his and his dad’s relationship. That was pretty fucked up, no matter how I viewed his father .

I wanted to apologize, but the words “I’m sorry” never made it out of my mouth.

Although… if he had said yes. Then what? I chewed on the cap of my pen and looked out the window. I sat in a comfortable nook on the second floor, so I had a really nice view of the palm-tree-lined campus. I made sure to choose a window that didn’t look out to the ocean, though, which happened to be on the other side of the building.

If Ryan had said yes, then I could see my walls come tumbling down for him. It was wild and really damn weird how strongly I was being drawn to him. No matter how hard I wanted to resist, I still kept sneaking glances across the dorm, wondering what the sometimes goofy, most-times-friendly gamer-jock was thinking. Probably thinking about playing video games. Or playing with butts.

I wondered, often, if he was thinking about playing with mine. Damn hormones. They were the only explanation as to why the hell I was horny for this guy twenty-four seven.

Well, that and because Ryan was incredibly hot. Like, one of the hottest guys I’d ever seen kind of hot. He had a permanently boyish charm with a mature demeanor that shone through on occasion.

I rubbed the bridge of my nose and focused back on my laptop screen. All the letters and numbers on my screen appeared to be freely floating around. I blinked and rubbed my eyes. The numbers and letters were still moving like little ants around my laptop.

I clicked out of the study guide and opened the web browser instead. I did my usual rounds through social media, clicking “like” on family photos and restaurant outings, wasting time reading some insane comments that turned political real quick, checked up on some of the news organizations I followed, and then opened up a brand-new tab.

I’d been meaning to research this ever since Everly brought it up in class.

I typed into the search bar: “San Luco Off-shore Drilling site”

And, sure enough, news articles from only a few days ago began appearing. This was literally just proposed, the rig being set to be built miles off the coast of Beacon’s Beach. It was so new there was no wonder why it hadn’t even pinged my radar yet. It also meant there was still time to stop it. Unfortunately, California wasn’t one of the states that banned these kinds of operations. New York was, so I had set my focus on other environmental causes when I was over there. But things were different now. And no matter how badly the ocean scared me, I still had to fight for it as hard as I fought for clean air and protected land.

I closed out of the article and went back to Google. I wanted to make sure of one more thing. I typed the same search as before but added a single word to the search bar.

Redpine.

I held my breath as the page loaded. For some reason, the Wi-Fi decided to be a dramatic little diva and stall on me as the first website started to populate.

“Damn it.” I closed out of the tab and reopened another one.

Same thing. I looked at the bars of Wi-Fi at the top corner of my screen. All five were there. I tried disconnecting and reconnecting.

Still, the screen stayed blank, the little wheel spinning, my heart thumping.

Finally, finally , the page started to load.

A hand on my shoulder made me jerk up and give a squeaky shout. I managed to swallow most of it down before I spooked the entire library, although I did get a couple of curious glances from nearby students.

It was Ryan. He smiled down at me. He wore his rowing crew’s shirt, a dark purple with gold bands around the sleeves and collar, FU Rowing written across the front. He had on a backward baseball cap, with a tuft of dark brown hair slipping through the strap.

I closed out of the web page.

“Hey, dude, I didn’t know you were here.” His tone was as close to a whisper as Ryan could manage. His eyes drifted to the open chair next to me. “Mind if I join? I’ve got an accounting class I have to work on.”

I was about to say that I actually did mind. I was so damn close to turning him away. It would have been the thing that most made sense. Throwing the tempting and poisoned apple into the ocean so I wouldn’t even think about taking a bite of it.

“Sure,” I said and moved my backpack off the light blue bucket chair. Ryan’s face lit up, as if he’d been expecting me to turn him away too. I noticed that whenever he got really excited, his face would curve and shape in a way that reminded me of a bouncing golden retriever, tongue lolling out and happy to be there.

If we were sitting any closer, I would have reached over and given him some head scratches.

“What are you studying?” he asked, voice still hushed .

“Chem,” I said, tilting my formula-filled notebook so he could see it.

“Damn.” His eyes went wide, then glossed over a bit. “It all looks like hieroglyphics to me. I don’t know how you understand any of that.”

“Yeah, sometimes I don’t, either. Chemistry isn’t my favorite. I like the more practical subjects: biology, ecology, zoology. The things I can see and touch.”

“I’ll give you—nope. Nope.” He put his hands up. “I told myself I wasn’t going to make any more dumb jokes.”

I narrowed my eyes. “Ry, I like your dumb jokes.”

“Really?” I nod, secretly happy at how big his smile got.

“Alright, well, I was going to say that I can give you something to see and touch.”

Then the cocky motherfucker put a hand between his legs and squeezed. The chairs were built so that the arms were high, his crotch shielded from everyone but me.

I nearly started drooling. Thankfully, I kept it together by the grace of Cher and laughed instead.

“You are dumb,” I said, with no actual teeth behind the word.

“And you’re cute as fuck.” Now it was my turn to smile way too wide for my face. My cheeks hurt. I worked to tamp it down. He didn’t need to see a visual representation of the kaleidoscope of butterflies fluttering around my rib cage.

I looked over his shoulder and could see a couple kids looking in our direction. They were students in my microbio class. I recognized them, having talked to them about a possible demonstration I was thinking of throwing. One was named Jessica, the other Trina. And were they staring now? I looked away.

Glanced back at them.

Trina was definitely looking at us. She leaned forward and whispered something to her friend.

Fuck. Were people already talking shit about Ryan and me being together? This was exactly the kind of crap I worried about. The judgmental glares and the undermining comments. Hell, maybe it was all in my head. Maybe they were gossiping about whatever thirsty boys bothered them in their DMs.

Still… this was why Ryan and I couldn’t happen. It wouldn’t work. It couldn’t. I’d lose any and all respect I was trying to build for myself. Imagine if news got out that Jane Goodall had been sleeping with someone like Rupert Murdoch? Not that the queen of conservation would ever stoop so low, but still, it would completely tarnish all the work and effort she’d done to make a change.

That couldn’t be me. My dad would be so disappointed in me if it was.

“I’ve got to go.” I closed my laptop and unzipped my bag.

“What? Seriously? Dude, I just got here.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I realized I have a, uh, an appointment.”

His lids turned to slits. “An appointment? For what?”

“It’s private,” I said, thinking that the appointment was with me and my hand inside of the shower. Sure, I couldn’t actually be with Ryan, who happened to be a man plucked straight out of my wettest dreams, but at least I could fantasize about it in the shower. The crotch grab he gave himself revved me up way more than I had realized. Especially considering how much of a handful Ryan appeared to be packing .

Besides, maybe all I needed was some post-nut clarity to realize that Ryan wasn’t good for me. It was pretty wild how clear a man’s thoughts could become after he jerked one out and stopped thinking with the wrong head.

“Fine,” Ryan said. He leaned back, resting an arm on the chair. It propped his bicep up, making him look even more muscular. He had a thin golden necklace that matched the golden bracelet on his wrist, which I realized was likely as expensive as the entire four-year tuition at Franklin U. “But before you go, there’s an event happening tonight at Shenanigans. Wanna come with?”

“What is it?” I asked, silently cursing myself for showing my interest.

“Beat the Clock. Pitchers of beer start at twenty-five cents and go up every fifteen minutes.”

“Sounds like a great way to get sloshed.”

“Duh,” he said, giving me a wink. “And getting sloshed with you sounds like a sloshing good time.”

I gave him a smirk and shook my head. “That was nearing Dad joke territory.”

“My favorite territory.” He winked at me and shrugged. “I tried.”

“I’ll think about it,” I relented.

He gave me another confident smile. As if he knew I’d already thought about it and come to a resounding “fuck yeah” as a conclusion. Which, to be honest, wasn’t entirely far off. Beer for pennies sounded great. I could bring Maddy as a buffer. We’d talk to Ryan for a couple of minutes, then drift off to another side of the bar and playfully read each other to filth at the same table we had first met.

“See ya later,” Ryan said. I couldn’t help but notice his hand was still casually cupping his crotch.

How was someone so unobtainable and so damn hot at the same fucking time?

As I walked out of the library, I pulled out my phone. I opened the web browser and went back to Google, wanting to finish the search I’d been so rudely interrupted from earlier.

Outside, without needing to connect to the Wi-Fi, my phone loaded up the results in an instant.

I scrolled through the first page, then the second. That was all that showed up, and none of the news articles mentioned anything about Redpine Global being attached to the offshore drilling project.

Alright. That was a good sign, at least. One less thing to worry about.