Page 12

Chapter Twelve

Ryan

Holy shit, holy shit. I was meeting Jay’s mom.

This was a code-parental-red. We’d only just hooked up yesterday, and I was now already meeting one of the most important people in his life. And I didn’t even have my hair done.

He looked like her though. They had the same kind eyes with the cutest noses in the world. Same smiles too. It was nice to see. I felt like I was discovering another piece of Jay. She stood in the middle of a yard that looked pulled right out of one of those watercolor-illustrated storybooks.

“Well, it’s great to meet you, Ryan.”

“And same to you, Ms. Cruz. You have a beautiful backyard.”

“Oh, thank you. And call me Mariela.” She swept the camera around her garden-filled yard. There were all kinds of roses and orchids and flowers I didn’t even know the name of. There was also a stunning painting on an easel .

“Whoa, that’s even more beautiful,” I said, leaning in to appreciate it.

“My mom’s a big artist. Has her paintings in galleries all over Europe.”

“No way!”

The camera went back to Mariela’s smiling face. “I sure do. Maybe you two can take a ‘roommate’ trip one day to Paris. I have my newest piece over there.”

“Oh, I’d love that,” I said.

“I wouldn’t,” Jay deadpanned, smiling. “Talk to you later, Mom. Love you.”

“Love you too, hijo.”

Jay locked his phone and set it back down on his desk. He leaned back on his chair. “Welp, that’s my mom.” He had his hands behind his head, eyes up at the popcorn ceiling.

“I see where you get all your talent from,” I said.

“Yeah, my dad was really talented, too.”

I dropped my bag with my change of clothes and sat down on my bed. “Tell me some more about him.”

He did. He told me all about his dad, all about what a hero he was. How he loved to make silly dad jokes, and he cooked a mean lasagna.

And then it got to the day he died. A cloud crossed Jay’s expression, dark and stormy.

I forgot all about rowing practice. Fuck that. Nothing else mattered more than being here with Jay in this moment.

“He was a marine biologist,” Jay began. “It’s where I got my ecologist spirit from. He loved what he did. He’d go on different assignments throughout the year, working on different research papers and trying to get new grants for other research projects. He’d take me with him sometimes. I got to see beluga whales being geotagged, got to watch a blood sample get taken from a mako shark, got to see a rehabilitated sea turtle get rereleased back into the ocean.

“I was supposed to be with my dad the day he drowned.”

“Jay…” I stood and went to his side, squatting down so that I was at his level. I grabbed his hand in mine as he continued.

“We were supposed to be out to check up on a pod of bottlenose dolphins. The weather was clear. Not a single raindrop was on the radar. I had to stay home that day since I woke up with a really bad sore throat.

“I was sitting in the living room when I heard the first clap of thunder.” Jay sucked in a deep, shaky breath.

I sat in silence, my heart already clenched in an iron-cold grip. The fist got tighter and tighter as Jay continued.

“It was a freak storm that was pretty much hurricane force. And it was just my dad that day, out on a tiny little boat. The waves… I still have nightmares about how bad they must have been. Or my dad yelling. Trying to hold on while the ocean tried to rip him apart. He never came home that day.” He started to cry, the sound of it tearing me apart at a cellular level. I put my arms around him and took him into a tight hug, letting him let it all out onto my shoulder.

He trembled in my arms. The pain still bloody and raw.

“It’s why I hate water. The ocean. I’ve never been back, and I don’t want to go. I hate being even this close to it. Hate smelling the salt water. I just… I’m scared and resentful. And I miss him. And I want to make him proud, every day. But I want to hug him again most—most of all. And, and?—”

“You are. You are making him so, so proud.” I kissed his forehead, wiped away a streak of tears. All I could do in this moment was be by him. Hold him. He had to let it out. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Jay said, his tears beginning to lessen. My heart still hurt for him. I could see the pain in his face now. That kind of shit, it haunts you until the day you’re a ghost yourself.

“I’m the one that’s sorry,” he sniffed again. “You need to be getting to practice. Go. Go. I’m okay.”

“Nah, fuck practice.”

“Huh?”

I reached for my phone and shot a quick text to my friend, asking him to let Coach know I wouldn’t be making it.

“Come,” I said, grabbing his hand in mine. It was such a perfect fit. “I want to show you something instead. It’s where I go when I need to relax a bit.”

“You sure?”

I leaned in and kissed him, tasting some of the salty tears on his lips. “Absolutely. Let’s go.”

Jay got changed and put on his shoes, and we were off. A short walk led us to the edge of the FU campus, where an overgrown trail snaked through the trees. These weren’t the palm trees that dotted the campus all throughout. These were a cluster of pine trees that created a natural little forest that pushed away and up a small hill.

Sunlight painted the path as we walked, leaves and dirt crunching under our sneakers. Jay, still lost in his own thoughts, seemed to unfurl a little with each step away from the dorm. His story about his dad touched me. It showed me a side of Jay I never really thought I’d see, and I wanted to show him a side of me that he hadn’t seen, either .

Finally, we emerged into a clearing—a hidden meadow tucked away amid the tangle of trees. Wildflowers bloomed in vibrant patches of purple and blue and yellow, buzzing with big bumblebees drunk off the pollen that stuck to their tiny little legs. In the center, a towering pepper tree spread its branches, creating a shady oasis with its skinny and numerous leaves.

This was my place—where the pressure of expectation faded, washed away by the scent of wildflowers and the gentle hum of bugs.

“It’s beautiful,” Jay breathed, settling onto a fallen log beside me.

“My secret spot,” I admitted. “Come here to get away, remind myself there’s more to life than all the shit I usually worry about.”

The quiet stretched between us, comfortable in a way that still surprised me. Jay, the guy with the perpetual smirk and barbed comebacks, seemed to shed those layers out here. This quiet, contemplative Jay was someone I was discovering piece by piece.

And I was loving each new piece I uncovered.

“About your dad,” I started, then faltered. I was the jock, not the heart-to-heart guy. But something about the quiet solitude of this place urged me on. “I get it, you know. Feeling stuck. Wanting to… prove yourself or measure up somehow.”

He turned and gave me a wry smile. “Didn’t take you for a philosopher, Ry.”

“Shut up.” I chuckled, nudging him with my shoulder. “But yeah, I get it. He believed in you, man. That’s worth more than anything. And know that you’re making him proud each and every damn day.”

Jay didn’t respond, but his gaze drifted away, lost in the rustling leaves of the pepper tree.

“I hope so,” Jay finally said. “I really do.”

“He is. Look at you. You’re already practically a lawmaker, pushing people to make changes, and you haven’t even graduated college yet. You’re a superhero, Jay. Seriously.”

As if on cue, a tiny chipmunk scurried out from the base of the trunk, its cheeks bulging. It darted around our feet, then stopped and stared up at us, tilting its head with curiosity.

Jay and I exchanged a look, and then both of us slowly, carefully reached into our pockets. I had some leftover granola bar, and he produced a handful of lint, which he put back into his pocket with a chuckle. We crumbled bits of the granola bar onto the ground, and the chipmunk, clearly accustomed to being bribed, scurried forward to investigate.

“He likes peanuts best.” I grinned as the chipmunk snatched up a nut with lightning speed.

“Who doesn’t?” Jay asked.

“Definitely not you with the way you were sucking on mine last night,” I said, nudging him with a shoulder as he blushed. “That was so fucking hot.”

“It really was. Let’s do it again tonight.”

“Let’s,” I said, already getting hard at the thought.

The ridiculousness of the moment struck us both, just two horny guys talking about boning each other while the cutest chipmunk in the world munched away on some nuts. Soon, we were hunched over, laughing and scattering crumbs for our new furry friend. The tension and emotion of the afternoon faded away.

After a while, the chipmunk scampered back into the undergrowth, its mission accomplished. “Maybe you’re right,” Jay murmured, almost to himself, “About my dad. Thanks for this, Ryan. Seriously.”

As the afternoon light began to wane, casting long shadows across the meadow, the knowledge settled over me: whatever happened with us, whatever Jay decided about his future, this moment right here—the laughter, the quiet vulnerability, and the shared joy of feeding a wild chipmunk—it mattered. It all happened for a reason.

A sense of anticipation thrummed beneath the surface of our easy quiet. The sun began its slow descent in the sky. I watched as Jay turned his face toward the fading light, his expression open and unguarded. He seemed so different here—softer, more accessible. Impulsively, I reached out, my fingers brushing a stray lock of hair from his forehead.

Jay startled slightly, turning his surprised gaze toward me. The air crackled with unspoken questions. A part of me, the rational, cautious part, screamed to pull back, to protect myself from whatever lay behind that look. But another, deeper part of me, a part that was increasingly difficult to ignore, urged me to lean in.

I closed the distance between us.

Time seemed to slow as my lips brushed against his. It was tentative, a whisper of possibility, yet it resonated through me like a thunderclap. It wasn’t like the primal kisses from earlier.

This one held more. It held the future .

Jay didn’t pull away. A soft sigh escaped his lips, his breath warm against my skin.

“Come on, let’s head back before it gets dark,” I said. “We can keep this going in the dorm.”

The beat of a techno song playing through my headphones pounded in time with my feet as I jogged the familiar path toward the boathouse. It was located a little further from the FU campus. Rowing practiced at a large lake more inland. Some people drove or rode their bikes, but I enjoyed the run.

Especially today. It helped me process everything I’d learned about Jay just yesterday. After he revealed the final piece of the tapestry that made him who he was.

My heart hurt for him. The pain he must have felt. The what-ifs, the nightmares, the sorrow, the survivor’s guilt. It was nearly too much for me to handle just listening. I couldn’t imagine how hard it was to live through.

No wonder he had such a hard shell. The world had betrayed him in one of the most fundamental ways imaginable.

Usually, this run down the trail was my zone. The burn in my legs, the crisp air in my lungs—they cleared my head, readied me for the focused intensity of rowing. Especially since Coach probably had some extra shit for me to do for missing practice yesterday.

Not that I cared. I’d do it all over again for Jay.

My phone buzzed, the ringtone cutting through my music. It was Dad .

“Hey, Dad, what’s up?” I answered, wiping my forehead with the back of my hand.

“My favorite son. Listen, we need to talk.” His voice crackled. Clearly he was excited about something.

Also, I was his only son, so it wasn’t too difficult to earn the “favorite” title.

“Just had class and headed to practice, Dad. Can this wait…?”

“No, I don’t think it can. There’s a drilling project happening off Beacon’s Bay and I’m going all in. And since you’re close to there, I want you working alongside me. I want you seeing how these deals shape from the ground up so that one day, you can do the same.”

My blood ran cold. Jay had talked about that exact project, seething every time he brought it up. And now, my family was pouring money into the very thing he was fighting against.

Immediately I was hit with a storm of questions.

Did I tell him? Confess my family’s direct involvement and risk losing him entirely? Do I hide it from him? Act is if I never knew a thing? The thought left a bitter taste in my mouth. Yet, could I keep something so significant from someone who had let me into his own vulnerable space the day before?

“Dad, sorry, signal’s bad. Gotta head to practice—” I didn’t wait for his response, shoving the phone into my pocket with trembling hands. I had to make my choice, and it already felt like swallowing broken glass, whichever decision I chose.

I needed a little more time. I knew my dad would be calling me back, and I’d need to have a solid answer for him.

Everything Jay cared about, everything he’d spoken about with such passionate conviction, was about to be trampled underfoot by my family. The world seemed to spin, and I stumbled to a stop, leaning against a tree to catch my breath.

Every step I took toward the boathouse felt heavier.

As I reached the boathouse, a wave of familiar smells washed over me. The polished wood, the fresh lake air, the earthy dirt scent.

Travis, our coxswain, waved me over with an impatient look. “Redpine, what’s the deal? You missed yesterday, and you’re out of it today.”

“Just had some shit to deal with,” I muttered, the lie feeling like sandpaper on my tongue. The use of my last name as a nickname suddenly annoyed me.

The crew was already prepping the racing shell, the sleek lines of the sharp boat catching the sun. I slipped into my spot, the feel of the oar in my hands grounding me.

This was my peace. And it was Jay’s nightmare.

As we pushed off the dock and out onto the lake, the familiar rhythm of rowing began to take over. With each pull of the oars, the tension in my shoulders eased a fraction. The burn in my lungs became fuel.

For these brief hours, I could pretend the world was simple: muscle, sweat, drills. The peaceful water, the link with my crew, the drive to get better. I wasn’t just Ryan Redpine out here, my dad’s son, the heir to an oil fortune. I was a rower.

I’d figure all the rest of my shit out later, once I got onto solid ground again.