Page 48 of Leather and Longing (Island Tales #3)

Chapter Thirty-Seven

“Wow.” Sam’s eyes shone. “That was the last thing I expected to hear.” Beside him, Mark nodded in agreement.

“You’re serious, aren’t you?” Taylor’s voice was soft. “You love him?”

Paul stared at the remains of his lunch.

He’d not done Andy’s crab salad justice: every mouthful had been like swallowing a whole orange.

“Yeah, I do.” Behind them the café’s customers chatted loudly, children ran around and were admonished by their parents, dogs barked, and underneath it all was the constant sound of the sea.

Paul let it wash over him, dialled it out.

“Then why aren’t you doing your happy dance?” Mark demanded. “Is being in love with Adam so bad?”

“If he doesn’t want me, yes.” Paul pushed his plate away. The others fell silent. Paul expelled a sigh. “I’ve been thinking about this a lot. I… I need to…” He swallowed. “What if… I offered to go further? To show Adam I want more with him? To show him how serious I am about… us?”

The silence was tangible.

Paul jerked his head up to regard his friends. “What?”

Taylor spoke first. “That would depend,” he said, enunciating carefully, “on what you mean by going further.”

Paul held his head high. “By that I mean, stepping out of my comfort zone. Maybe doing something that intrigues me, something I’ve thought about — a lot — but that scares the shit out of me at the same time.”

“I’m not liking the scary as shit part so far,” Sam said, biting his lip. “Explain.”

Paul took a couple of breaths in an effort to compose himself before speaking. “I went to a club in London a few months back. It was a bit… different.”

“What kind of club?” Mark asked quietly, leaning forward.

Paul opened his mouth, but Taylor got there first. “Think Fifty Shades and you’re on the right track—except it’d be Fifty Shades of Gay.” He snickered until Paul stared at him. Taylor gave him an apologetic glance. “Sorry. I’ll shut up now.”

Sam snorted. “Yeah, that’ll be the day.” He gazed across the table at Paul. “Go on,” he urged.

Paul told them what he’d seen, and what he knew about Adam. No one commented until he’d finished speaking.

Mark frowned. “You’re not talking about doing something dangerous, are you?”

“God, no! I’ve just been thinking I might agree to try something more.”

“In the hopes that Adam will see you in a different light?” Taylor interjected. His forehead creased into a frown. “Not sure I like this, Paul. It sounds to me as though you’d only be doing this for Adam, not for yourself.”

“It would be for me, too,” Paul stressed. “I’m in the dark here. I want to explore, to try things out.”

“And what if you try something and don’t like it?” Sam asked, frowning.

“Then I don’t do it again.”

“Even if that would mean losing Adam?”

Paul became still. He didn’t know how to answer.

He didn’t want to even think about that possibility.

“Paul?” Richard appeared from around the corner, smiling. “You have a visitor.”

Paul gaped when Adam stepped into view, wearing his glasses, his cane in his hand. “What are you…?”

Adam grinned. “I went for a walk.”

All of Paul’s misgivings and fear fled his mind, swept away by the magnitude of Adam’s efforts. “That’s great!”

Adam’s face shone. “I got as far as Belgrave Road and the Royal Hotel—at least, that’s what my phone told me—and then I turned around and walked back. I thought I’d walk down here and surprise you.”

Paul was on his feet in an instant. “Bloody hell, you did that, all right.” Without a moment’s hesitation he put his arms around Adam and kissed him on the mouth. “So proud of you,” he said in a low voice. Paul released him and stepped back, his grin probably as wide as Adam’s.

Adam beamed, not seeming the slightest bit embarrassed by Paul’s kiss. Then his smile faltered. “I’m sorry. Have I interrupted your lunch? I thought you’d be finished by now.”

“We have, Adam,” Taylor said. “We were just chatting.” He gave Paul a hard stare. “It was good to catch up. Let’s do it again soon, yeah?”

In other words, this conversation isn’t over.

“Nice to see you again, Adam.”

Adam turned toward the sound of Mark’s voice. “Mark? Hairdresser Mark?”

“None other. I’d like to introduce you to my boyfriend, Sam.”

Sam rose to his feet and brought his hand to meet Adam’s extended one. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Adam arched his eyebrows. “All good, I hope.” He peered in Paul’s direction. “If you want to stay longer, that’s fine. I can find my own way home.” Another flash of that happy smile.

“No, I’ll come with you.” Paul gave a nod to the others. “I’ll see you all soon, okay?”

They said their goodbyes and Paul accompanied Adam out of the café. They walked slowly up the hill, Adam leading the way. Paul kept silent, his mind mulling over the conversation with his friends. That last question still echoed in his head.

‘Even if that would mean losing Adam?’

No, Paul really didn’t want to think about that.

“Want to tell me why that felt as if I’d walked into the middle of something important?” Adam’s voice drifted back to him.

“Excuse me?”

Adam stopped and turned, reaching out for the picket fence that lined the path.

“There was an atmosphere down there.” His expression was neutral.

“And please, don’t lie to me, not when all the hairs on my arms were standing on end and my flesh was covered in goose bumps.

I trust my instincts.” He tilted his head to one side. “Well?”

Fuck .

“We were having a bit of a heart-to-heart, that’s all.” It was as far as Paul was prepared to go.

Adam stared at him for a moment before sighing. “Fine.” He resumed his walk up the hill, cane swinging in an arc. Paul followed with a heavy heart.

Talking with the others hadn’t made things any clearer for him. If anything, he was more confused than before.

Now what do I do?

“Was that the postman?” Adam called out, his fingers pausing over the keyboard of his laptop.

A moment later Paul entered the library where Adam was sitting on the couch, laptop balanced on his knee. “Yep.”

“Anything interesting? And by that I mean anything other than bills,” Adam remarked dryly.

“Yes, as a matter of fact.”

The smile he heard in Paul’s voice was intriguing. A rustle of paper, an envelope tearing, a barely suppressed squeal. “What have you got there?”

Paul sat beside him. “Late birthday presents for you.” He took hold of Adam’s hands and placed something cool and porcelain into them.

Adam examined it with his fingers. “You bought me a mug?”

“Not just any mug. Feel on top of the handle.”

Adam ran his thumb over it. There were three sets of ridges. “What are these?”

“They signify different levels in the mug. One bar is the lowest, then two, then three. When you pour in hot water, you put your thumb over the water level you want, and when the water reaches that level, a bell sounds. There are sensors in the mug. So now you can pour yourself a coffee or make one using the kettle.”

Adam was touched. Something else to aid him in his quest for independence. “Thank you,” he said sincerely. “This is a brilliant idea.” He grinned. “You said presents. Is there something else?” He put the mug onto the seat cushion beside him.

Paul placed a plastic object into his hand. It was the general size and shape of a stapler. He brought Adam’s hand to Paul’s chest. “Blue,” a mechanical voice intoned. Next, he placed it against Adam’s chest. “Grey.”

Adam gaped. “It tells me what colour something is?”

“Uh-huh. Now all you have to do is hold it to an item of clothing and it will tell you its colour.”

Adam dropped his hand to his lap. “Paul, these are amazing gifts.” He was stunned by Paul’s thoughtfulness.

“I just thought you’d find them useful,” Paul said, a shy edge to his voice that was sweet. “I was about to pour you some coffee. What are you doing?”

He rose to his feet, grabbing his new mug. “Coming with you to try out my gift.”

Paul chuckled. “I wondered how long it would take you.”

Adam followed Paul into the kitchen. After rinsing out the mug under the tap, he went over to the coffee machine. His thumb over the highest level, Adam poured out a full mug of black coffee until a bell sounded. He shook his head and grinned. “Paul, you’re amazing,” he murmured.

“You’re making me blush.”

Adam put down his mug and moved closer to Paul, his hands connecting with Paul’s chest. He slid them up, feeling warm skin above the neckline of Paul’s tee, cupping Paul’s cheeks.

“Why, so I am.” He held Paul’s face steady and leaned in to kiss him on the mouth, loving the soft moan that escaped Paul’s lips. “I have news for you,” he murmured between kisses.

“Hmm?”

“I talked to Seth. He can be here tomorrow afternoon.”

“Tomorrow?” Fuck. It came out as a squeak. “Wow, that’s... soon,” he added unnecessarily.

So many thoughts and emotions were at war within him.

The idea of someone taking a flogger to his back filled him with a delicious ache and a rolling wave of anxiety, all at the same time.

Not to mention a third party being involved.

He was still amazed he’d said yes to Seth coming over.

It was only because he trusted Adam implicitly that he’d agreed.

His stomach roiled. There’s still time to change my mind.

Paul wasn’t about to do that.

I want Adam to be proud of me. I want him to see me as strong, unafraid. I need him to see I’m serious about this.

Serious—and absolutely fucking terrified.

“I need to call him back to confirm,” Adam said as he straightened, his hand on Paul’s neck.

No doubt feeling my pulse. Paul’s heartbeat was racing.

“Yeah, that’s fine.” There was only the faintest tremor in Paul’s voice, and he was so fucking proud of that.

This is probably a good thing. Get it over and done with, right?

Paul swallowed hard. “Well, now that’s decided, guess I’ll pour myself that coffee I mentioned a while ago.” He was dismayed to find his hands trembling as he poured coffee into the mug. He gave himself an angry shake.

Get a grip. How bad can it be? Adam said it was like a gentle massage . Then the rest of Adam’s statement came to him.

There was also the ‘tearing him up’ part.

It was one thing to be curious about BDSM. It was something else to take a step further.

Paul hoped fervently it wouldn’t be a step too far.