Page 26 of Leather and Longing (Island Tales #3)

“I think he’s below deck, sorting out drinks. There’s bottled water if you want some, but knowing Paul, he’s probably attempting to make coffee using the gas cooker. There’s a whistling kettle he can use.” Eric paused. “Shane, show Adam below deck, yeah?”

“Sure.” A hand lightly touched his arm. “Wanna step up here, Adam?”

A minute or so later and he was below deck, sitting on a bunk, drinking water and wondering how on earth to begin the conversation that had to take place. It was clear to Adam he couldn’t go on as before. Paul was doing all he could to help Adam move forward.

It was about time Adam stopped fighting him.

He thought back on the last couple of months, his life since he’d lost his vision.

Only, I haven’t been living. I’ve been wallowing in self-pity. I’ve been bent on self-destruction, barely going through the motions.

He’d done more living in the last twelve hours than in the previous eight or nine weeks.

Time to move on. Get his life back. And that meant making some serious changes, starting with his attitude. Paul had taken all Adam’s crap, put up with his abuse, and still tried to make things better for him.

Well, that changes today. Now.

Adam knew he wasn’t about to suddenly become well-adjusted and happy with his lot in life. That was a ludicrous notion. There would be setbacks and more dark days ahead, but at least he could make an effort to treat Paul like the decent human being that he was.

More than decent.

“Okay, everyone’s got something to drink,” Paul said as he came below deck. “Did you enjoy steering the boat? It looked like you were having a great time. I’m sure Eric?—”

“Paul.” He forced as much authority into his voice as he could. To his relief Paul came to a stop, and Adam patted the bunk. “Sit down, please.”

Paul did as he was told. “If we stay down here, that lot’ll think we’re up to no good.”

“Then let them,” Adam said simply. “I… I need to talk to you and it’s a damn sight easier down here.”

Paul fell silent, until all Adam could hear was the sound of the engine, and the waves around the boat. He still had no clue how to proceed. He reached out and connected with Paul’s shoulder, moving higher until his fingertips came to rest on Paul’s cheek.

“What… what are you doing?” The whispered question carried no fear, only curiosity.

“Something I should have done when we first met.” Adam traced the contours of Paul’s face with his fingers.

“Seeing what you look like.” He placed both hands on Paul’s cheeks, feeling the curve of his cheekbones, the firm jawline, the small nose.

He moved higher, feeling his way across Paul’s smooth brow, then lower to the delicate curve of his temples.

Lower still to his mouth, Paul’s lips like warm silk.

Adam gave out a nervous laugh. “It’s just occurred to me that I don’t know what I’m doing here. I’ve never done this before.”

“I think you’re doing fine,” Paul whispered back.

Adam concentrated on trying to ‘see’ Paul.

He was conscious of Paul’s breathing, slow and even.

It had been a long time since Adam had touched a guy in so intimate a manner, and for a moment he lost himself in the act as Paul indulged him.

When Paul leaned into his touch, Adam brought his movements to a standstill.

Pleasant though this was, it wasn’t what Adam had intended.

He withdrew his hands and placed them in his lap. “We need to talk.”

“Oh. Okay.”

Maybe it was Adam’s imagination, but something had changed.

He heard Paul swallow hard, heard him draw in a deep breath.

“What is it you’re not saying?” Damn it .

Life was a lot easier when he’d had visual clues to go on.

Having said that, he’d still surmised all wasn’t well, in spite of not being able to see Paul.

Score one for the blind guy.

“I’m sorry, but I’m finding it difficult to be enthusiastic about us talking. Been there, done that a few times, and it’s now beginning to feel like déjà vu.”

“What do you mean?” Adam’s heart sank. He feigned ignorance, although he had all too good an idea what was about to come from Paul’s mouth.

Paul heaved a sigh. “We talk. I think we’re getting on better. You do an about-face and we’re back to square one. We talk again. Another step forward, followed by two steps back. So I figure it’s going to be the same thing. Rinse and repeat.”

Heaviness crept through Adam’s chest, spreading out to his limbs. “That’s really how you feel?”

“Yes.” The word scratched the air between them.

Adam felt cold. “I’m so sorry.” He couldn’t deny the truth of Paul’s accurate assessment. “It won’t be the same this time,” he assured Paul.

“Why not?”

“Because today my eyes were opened,” Adam told him. “Today I finally saw what sort of man you are. And I want to know more. Starting with…” He paused, choosing his words carefully. “Can we talk about Saturday night?”

He knew he wasn’t imagining how still Paul became. “I thought we’d already talked about it. You fucked me, remember?”

Adam caught his breath, inwardly cursing his ability to fuck up a situation simply by opening his mouth. After a moment, he sighed. “There’s something you need to know about me.”

“Oh?” Still that hesitant note.

“Yeah. I’m an arsehole.”

Paul gasped, and seconds later he snickered. “Really. I’d never have guessed. I mean, you hide it so well.”

Adam guffawed. This was the Paul he knew, the one with backbone. “Okay, I deserve that. Do you know why I agreed to come out with you today? Because I felt I owed it to you, to make up for me being such an asshole. Only, things didn’t turn out the way I’d expected.”

“Go on.” No hesitancy, only warmth in Paul’s voice.

“It took today to show me that you deserve my respect. You’ve gone out of your way to do things to improve my situation, you stood up for yourself in the face of all my bullshit.

Even when I treated you like shit, you didn’t give up on me.

” He took a deep breath. “So this is me, apologizing. I will never speak to you like that again, I promise. I don’t expect you to believe me, not after all the crap I’ve put you through.

But I hope my actions will speak for me from now on. ” He fell silent.

It was up to Paul now.