Page 32 of Learning Curves
Audrey walked into Holman Hall on Monday morning like a woman on a mission.
She did have a mission today, a very specific one.
She needed to make sure she and Michelle were okay.
Things had seemed okay when Michelle left her house on Saturday night, but Audrey had spent the rest of the weekend worrying that they weren’t.
So when she arrived at her office and found the door across from hers closed, she could only hope it meant Michelle wasn’t here yet, not that she’d gone back to avoiding Audrey.
Because Audrey had done a lot of thinking over the weekend, and as she replayed their dinner conversation in her head, she realized something she’d missed in the moment.
Michelle had brought up HR forms. At the time, Audrey had been so overwhelmed and determined to stick to her career plan, she’d glossed right over Michelle’s words.
Now, she realized Michelle had been offering her a relationship.
Michelle had been willing to go to HR and fill out a form saying she wanted to date her.
And Audrey had turned her down.
It must have felt like a slap in the face, and Audrey felt terrible about it.
She would have to live with that decision for the rest of her life, but while the revelation that Michelle wanted to date her might be monumental, it didn’t change the fact that it would be extraordinarily stupid for Audrey to get involved with a coworker right now, while her job was so precarious.
“Looking for me?”
Audrey startled at the sound of Michelle’s voice, realizing she’d been standing in the hall staring at Michelle’s closed door for what was probably an embarrassingly long time. “Uh, yeah. I was.” She pasted a bright smile on her face. “Good morning.”
“Morning.” Michelle’s hair was pulled back in its usual twist, and she wore hunter green pants and a matching blazer over a black-and-white pin-striped shirt.
She looked absurdly hot, and it was absurdly unfair that Audrey had passed on the chance to find out what she looked like under those clothes.
Her pulse skyrocketed just looking at Michelle. “God, you look good,” she blurted. “I mean, that’s a really good color on you.”
Michelle gave her a funny look. “Thank you.”
“I wanted to run a few ideas past you for the next Sustainability Committee meeting if you think you’d have a minute later?”
“I’m finished with office hours at four. Maybe you’d like to have tea in my office?” Michelle’s expression was too cautious, too careful. They were both toeing a delicate line this morning, trying to get themselves back onto solid ground.
“I’d love that,” Audrey said, and it was true. Afternoon tea in Michelle’s office was one of her favorite campus traditions, and she was so glad she would get to do it again.
“All right. I’ll see you then.” Michelle unlocked her office and stepped inside.
Taking her cue, Audrey did the same. She walked to the chair behind her desk and sat heavily. This was going to be hard, but they’d get through it. There was no other option because she wasn’t willing to lose Michelle’s friendship. She just wasn’t.
And as she headed off to teach ceramics a few minutes later, she was reminded that she wasn’t willing to risk her job, either, which was exactly what would happen if she and Michelle got involved right now.
Audrey was teaching her dream classes here at Northshire, and she wanted to stay. She wanted to build a career here.
When she had tea with Michelle that afternoon, they talked about sustainability ideas and female artists and absolutely did not acknowledge Michelle’s visit to Audrey’s house over the weekend or anything that had happened at the pottery wheel.
Apparently, they’d both decided that mentioning it risked venturing into dangerous territory.
So they played it safe, and by the time Audrey made it home that night, she felt like they’d crossed a major hurdle together.
They were still friends, and nothing was going to get in the way of that.
Over the next few weeks, afternoon tea in Michelle’s office continued to be a regular occurrence.
Several times a week, Audrey sat and sipped whatever special blend Michelle had brought in to share with her, trying not to notice how goddamn gorgeous she was or how badly Audrey wanted to kiss her again as they chatted about anything and everything.
While they’d initially bonded over a shared passion for women in art, now they talked about music and politics and hobbies. Audrey loved it all.
“Thanksgiving’s next week,” Michelle commented one chilly November afternoon. “Will you be spending it with your family?”
“Yeah.” Audrey smiled as she pictured it. “The house will be packed. My aunts and uncles and cousins come over, and we cook all morning and watch football after the meal. It’s nice. I can’t wait to see them. What about you?”
Michelle watched with amusement dancing in her eyes. “Me?”
“Yeah, will you visit ... wait.” Audrey slapped her forehead.
Michelle laughed. It was a quiet but delightful sound. “No, Audrey. I will not be joining in while you ungrateful colonists celebrate how thankful you are for breaking free of us. Believe it or not, Thanksgiving is not a thing in the UK.”
“I know that, obviously. I wasn’t thinking.” She made a silly face at Michelle, who laughed again. Her whole face lit up, and it was such a beautiful sight. Audrey wanted to see it more often.
“Besides, the entire holiday idealizes colonization,” Michelle said. “No, thank you.”
Audrey made another face. “Well, thanks for ruining Thanksgiving for me forever.”
“I’m only teasing,” Michelle said, her eyes going soft. “I’m glad you’ll get a nice weekend with your family.”
“So you don’t do anything for Thanksgiving?
I mean, I hate for you to miss all the turkey and pie.
” She had the most irrational urge to invite Michelle to her parents’ for Thanksgiving, even though it was a terrible idea for so many reasons, the most obvious being that Michelle probably didn’t even want to go.
Audrey was picturing it, though. Michelle in jeans and flannel, helping Audrey’s mom in the kitchen and snuggling with Audrey on the couch.
She could see them as a couple so easily, which made it all the more difficult to remember why they weren’t dating.
But Audrey had to prioritize herself and her career, dammit.
She’d done it for thirty years, and she couldn’t let herself get distracted now, no matter how smitten she was with Michelle.
“I’m thrilled to have no plans at all,” Michelle said, confirming her suspicions.
“I’ve attended my share of Thanksgiving dinners, though.
Kelly is American, and we always stayed with her parents for the weekend.
It was awkward and stifling, and I don’t even like turkey very much. It’s too dry.” She wrinkled her nose.
Audrey rolled her eyes playfully. “For the record, you don’t know what you’re missing, because my mom’s turkey is not dry, and the whole weekend is super laid back and fun.”
“I’m glad you enjoy it. I for one am going to have a marvelous time with a bottle of my favorite whisky and the biography of Lee Krasner, which I’ve been dying to read.”
“Ooh, let me know how it is.”
“I will. She was a fascinating woman, so if the author’s any good, it should be a gripping read.”
Audrey gave her a coy look. “I bet it won’t be as good as the one you’re writing.”
Michelle’s cheeks turned an absolutely adorable shade of pink. “We’ll see about that.”
Michelle wasn’t sure how she’d reached this point, where she spent each day counting down the minutes until she saw Audrey.
Their time together had become the highlight of her week, especially when Audrey came to her office for afternoon tea.
Michelle would sip her herbal blend and enjoy some of the most intellectually stimulating conversations she’d ever had while trying desperately not to think about the way it had felt when Audrey kissed her and how badly Michelle wanted to kiss her again.
It was torture. A really exhilarating form of torture, but torture nonetheless.
Before Audrey, Michelle had been content to go through the rest of her life alone. She’d forgotten how it felt to crave someone the way she craved Audrey. Now that she remembered? Oh, how she yearned to feel that kind of passion again ...
Her body hummed when they were in the same room, like her batteries had been draining all day, and Audrey was her charger.
It was overwhelming to realize how much Michelle needed to be near her, how much she looked forward to seeing Audrey again every time they were apart, how much Michelle fantasized about her when she was alone in her bed.
On this gray November morning, the last day of classes before Thanksgiving break, Michelle had brought in a new box of tea, a chamomile blend with rose petals that she was excited to try. Today would be her last afternoon tea with Audrey until after the break, and she planned to savor every moment.
As she walked down the hall to her office, her stomach pinged to see that the door to Audrey’s office was open. Michelle stopped in her doorway, rapping her knuckles against it to catch Audrey’s attention.
Audrey looked up with a warm smile. Today she had on a dark-purple sheath dress that had become one of Michelle’s favorites. It clung to Audrey’s curves in a tasteful manner that was appropriate for work yet still set Michelle’s pulse racing every time she saw her in it.
She held up the box of tea. “New blend. Chamomile with rose petals. The usual time?”
Audrey’s expression turned apologetic, and Michelle’s heart sank. “Actually, I’m leaving right after class today, driving straight to my parents’ house.”