Page 43 of Knot Going Down (OlympicVerse #3)
KNOX
U nable to sleep, I take my rosary off my wrist, where I usually keep it wrapped like a bracelet, and work the beads through my fingers mindlessly.
There are no words, just a bone deep hope that’s its own kind of prayer.
This whole thing—the five of us here—feels so ridiculously unlikely that it’s gotta be divine.
I want it to be divine. Fate. God-ordained.
Bringing Emily back into my life at the only time when she might give me a chance, with an omega who clearly wants her. Not just any omega. My scent match.
“Are you awake?” Lucas asks into the quiet darkness. I’m not sure if he’s addressing me or Declan.
“Yeah.” Declan’s voice is rough.
Gunner lifts his head from where he’s sleeping at my feet, ears twitching like he’s picking up on something I haven’t yet. He blinks up at me, then gives a low huff and settles his chin back down.
“How can I sleep after hearing Ava’s up for double-penetration and Emily wants to try going down on her?
Yeah, I’m awake.” I chuckle and shift positions to face Lucas, even though I can’t see him from my place on the floor.
Giving Lucas the couch was the one thing Declan and I could agree on.
Maybe it was some kind of protective alpha masochism, or maybe just a rare show of selflessness.
Lucas protested at first, but once he realized neither of us were budging, he let us take care of him in this small way.
I could have taken the loveseat, but I’d rather stretch out than be crammed into a ball all night.
Gunner shifts with me, moving up to curl against my back. I love that Declan’s dog has decided he likes me even better than him. Something about it gives me hope for the future.
“I have been through a heat before,” Lucas says, “and omegas can get… sensitive. Negative energy is amplified in a heat.” He clears his throat, voice steady but distant, like he’s sorting memories he’d rather not revisit.
I glance at him in the dark, suddenly wondering what kind of heats he’s seen and who hurt him.
Declan sighs. “He’s right. We can’t be fighting in a heat. It’ll distress my omega.”
“You were doing pretty good there until you threw in that possessive.” I glare across the room in the direction of his bedroll. “She’s our omega.”
He’s silent for a while, the only noise the huff of Gunner’s breath.
“Look, I’m not asking you to make Pack McLaren real or anything,” I say.
“Hell, I’m not sure I’m even ready for a pack.
But she’s my scent match, too.” Wow. That still feels weird to say.
“It doesn’t mean I have some kind of neanderthal claim to her, but it means you can’t cut me out of courting her. ”
“Is that what you intend?” Lucas asks quietly, curiously. I’m not sure who he’s aiming the question at.
I stay quiet, waiting for someone else to speak
Declan exhales. “I had a bad experience with an omega. Lori. Her name was Lori. My best friend, Kyle, wanted to bond her. I wasn’t so sure.
She and I weren’t scent matches, and I’d always planned on waiting for mine.
” His voice drops into something flatter.
Report-like. “We were seeing each other, Kyle and I. But she was his childhood friend. They had history, you know? Then Lori came over in full heat while he was out. She knew he wouldn’t be there.
We hadn’t set boundaries. I had no chance of holding out.
I couldn’t resist. We fucked. Kyle walked in and saw us, and he thought I’d come around.
By the end of her heat, he’d bonded her. ”
A pause hangs in the air, and I’m at a loss for anything to say.
“He never forgave me for not bonding her, too,” Declan goes on. “It nearly wrecked us. Actually, no. It did wreck us, and it fucking destroyed him.”
I shift in the dark. “What happened?”
“We were on a stakeout. Arguing. Distracted. He stormed off, and I followed him. There were gunshots, I took cover, and when everything cooled down, he was dead.”
He says it like he's listing inventory. Like that story lives in a sealed box at the back of his mind, opened only under duress.
I let out a low whistle. “Jesus. I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, well, you should be. It was probably one of your friends who shot him. We were watching Glenn.”
My gut twists. Declan’s vendetta and his cold distance make more sense now.
“Would it help if I told you I’ve never killed anyone? Never even held a gun?”
“No.”
“Well, this is progress, no?” Lucas says gently. “At least you understand each other better. You know, there is a chapter in my imaginary Beta Handbook that might be helpful. Betas in Therapy, with Bonus Worksheets. I can copy the worksheets for you. Such good boys, making nice.”
He’s clearly trying to lighten the mood, but the heaviness in the air lingers.
“I swore I’d never mess around with an omega again,” Declan says. The silence stretches—long and quiet—until there’s a faint, almost apologetic sound from him. “I don’t date alphas either. Kyle ripped my heart out. I can’t replace him.”
“Perhaps you are not meant to replace him, but to honor him,” Lucas offers softly.
“How’s that?”
“By letting yourself be happy.”
“I am happy,” Declan says quietly. Adding a beat later, “With Emily.”
My breath catches. I feel the weight of his admission like a warm hand pressed over my chest.
Lucas is silent, giving him space.
“Lucas,” Declan adds, “I need you to promise me something. If her heat hits hard—I mean, really hits—I don’t want to risk breaking their boundaries. I need you to stop me if I lose control. No bites. No bonds. No one walks out of this room marked, got it?”
I get the sense he’s talking to me now, too. “Got it boss.” I salute in the dark even though he can’t see me. “Your pretty ass is the only one I’ll bite.”
“Don’t you fucking dare.”
“Ah, the hippopotamus in the room.” Lucas murmurs.
Elephant in the room. The expression is definitely about an elephant in the room, but I don’t correct him, cause it’s kinda cute.
“We talked about boundaries with the girls. But the two of you clearly have chemistry,” Lucas says.
“Chemistry means shit.” Declan shifts, blankets rustling in the dark.
“I happen to think chemistry counts for a lot.” I stretch lazily and earn myself a kick from Gunner. “Don’t you think so, Lucas?”
“I think it is hard to ignore.” Lucas hums. “And it will get harder in a full heat. You will want to fuck. Ava. Emily. Each other.”
“You,” I say. “Can I fuck you, Lucas?”
“I would very much like that.” I can hear the grin in his voice.
Declan growls. “I don’t know how I’m going to handle this.
When Ava and Emily kissed, it was the hottest damn thing I’ve ever seen.
And the thought of Lucas with the girls…
” He makes a low noise of appreciation. “But Knox, you’re an alpha.
And I’m territorial as hell. I might punch you if you make a move on what’s mine. ”
“Good thing we’re talking about this now , then,” I say, grateful Lucas had the foresight to initiate this conversation.
I’ve never heard Declan talk so much, let alone be so vulnerable.
“I’ve, uh, never been part of a heat before.
Is there anything that might help keep my face from getting pounded? ”
Declan’s quiet for a while, and I don’t realize he’s moved until there’s a shadow hanging over me.
With his knees to the side of my hips, he leans close, hands coming down on either side of my head.
“You listen to me and to Ava. You obey. If I tell you to get on your knees, you get on your knees. If I tell you to go faster, you go faster. No backtalk. No questions. That’s what’ll help. Can you do that, Knox?”
Fuck, how’d he know I like being someone’s fuck toy? I may be an alpha, but I love being bossed around. I’m a brat, and I’ll push back, but when someone tells me what to do, it lights up every bit of me.
“Maybe we should practice?” I swallow thickly, waiting for his first command.
“Okay,” he says.
My breathing picks up so much I’m nearly panting. He leans down until our stubbled cheeks are right next to each other, his scent suddenly everywhere. He’s scent marking me. Declan McLaren is scent marking me!
“Go. To. Sleep.”
Then he sits up, leaving only cool air and disappointment.
“Asshole,” I groan and flop onto my back.
Declan’s voice drops to a dangerous purr as he settles back on his bedroll. “Sleep while you can, Knox. Next time the handcuffs have to come out, I’m using them.”