Page 22 of Knot Going Down (OlympicVerse #3)
LUCAS
T hat kiss between Knox and Ava left me very turned on.
I’ve always enjoyed watching people love each other—there’s something reverent about it, sacred even—but that?
That was one of the hottest things I’ve ever witnessed.
The way he held her, the way she clung to him, the way their mouths locked in exploration, the little sounds that slipped out. It was breathtaking.
And now, my dick is so hard it keeps trying to punch through my zipper. Which would be bad enough on its own. But when I return to the dance floor, I find Emily with lips flushed and swollen from kissing Declan. Red like ripe fruit. Kiss-bruised and glowing.
It’s not just the arousal anymore. Now there’s this hollow, scraping ache in my chest. I can’t even pretend it’s only about sex.
The other two betas in our group have each found themselves an alpha, at least for the duration of this trip.
I don’t know if these connections are temporary or if they’re starting to mean more—but watching them, feeling like the odd man out, makes my stomach twist with that awful, familiar sensation of being on the outside looking in.
Only this time, it stings more than it ever did with my old pack.
The craving I feel now—to belong, to be part of what the four of them are building—dwarfs the desire I once had to prove myself with my rugby team, or to matter to the people who eventually cast me out. I want this new Pack McLaren, even if it’s fake. Even if it’s messy. Even if it’s doomed.
Why do I keep doing this to myself? How did I end up here again ?
I don’t go to Declan and Emily right away, choosing instead to detour toward the bar and get another drink. Something stronger. I’m twenty-seven, maybe it’s time for my overdue quarter-life crisis.
After ordering a Manhattan, I claim a stool where I can watch them dance without being a part of it.
Declan’s big hands span Emily’s back like they were sculpted to hold her.
He tips his head to murmur something in her ear, and she laughs, tilting her chin toward him like she trusts him implicitly.
The intimacy of it hits me like a sucker punch.
What would it feel like to be held like that? Desired like that?
I swallow hard and take a long sip of my drink, the whiskey burning down my throat.
I try to shake the thought loose, but it lingers.
Declan and Emily. Emily and Declan. Me in the middle.
The idea shouldn’t make my pulse spike this wildly, but it does.
I close my eyes for half a second and let the image take root. Just long enough to feel the ache.
I twirl the drink in my hand as I wonder, not for the first time, what’s next for me now.
Plucking the little wooden skewer of garnish from the glass, I slide a brandied cherry into my mouth.
I have a one-way plane ticket from Fort Lauderdale to Sao Paulo a few days after the ship docks, but what do I have left for me there?
I no longer have a place on the rugby team or with my old pack.
My brother moved to Brasília a year ago with his pack, and we’ve only spoken a few times since.
Mom is living her best life, traveling with friends post-retirement. I barely see her anymore.
At least I don’t have to worry about work.
The beauty of stocks and investments is that I can manage everything remotely.
As long as I’ve got an internet connection, I’m good.
But I’ll need to figure out where I actually want to live.
Preferably somewhere far from my old pack.
I could move to Brasília to be closer to my brother, but would he even want that?
We’ve never had all that much in common, and he’s pretty focused on his own pack now.
A hand squeezes my shoulder. “Where’s Knox?” Declan asks, voice low and even.
“And Ava?” Emily’s cheeks are flushed, breath short, lips still a little swollen. Meanwhile, Declan looks like he could walk into a boardroom without a single hair out of place. I wonder what it would take to truly unravel him. To see him wrecked. Undone.
“Ava wasn’t feeling well, so they went back to the room.
” I finish the last of my drink and set the empty glass on the bar.
The flicker of irritation in Declan’s expression doesn’t escape me.
Knox broke the rule about sticking close.
But whatever he’s about to say dies the moment he glances at Emily, concern fraying the edges of her composure.
“Was she alright?” Emily’s hand grazes my arm, worry-lines creasing her sweet face.
I smile, thinking of the beautiful kiss I witnessed and how much Ava seemed to need it. What would Emily think of that kiss? Would it turn her on the way it did for me?
I’d like to tell her about it and find out, but what Knox and Ava shared is no one’s business but their own. And something tells me Declan would not be happy about the convict kissing our civilian pack mate . No matter how consensual or passionate.
“She was fine. Just tired, I think.” I squeeze Emily’s hand briefly, hoping it reads as reassuring, rather than revealing my desperation for a scrap of her affection.
“We should go back to the room,” Declan says.
“No,” Emily and I both say at once.
If Knox and Ava want to continue their liaison, I don’t want to interrupt. Ava seems like she could use a good lay. She’s been so damn tense every time I’ve seen her. And I’m guessing Knox is an exceptionally good lay.
But Emily’s eagerness to keep the night going surprises me. I thought she’d want to check on Ava immediately. But instead, she’s practically bouncing.
“Let’s go play mini golf,” Emily suggests with a spark of mischief.
“It’s probably closed now,” Declan offers, checking the time on his watch.
“All the amenities are open around the clock,” Emily replies, mimicking the peppy cruise announcer voice that plays through the speakers in the elevators. The smile that tugs at my lips is involuntary.
Declan looks at me, silently asking for backup.
But I’m not ready to go back either. Not to that massive room that feels too empty.
Not to my too-loud thoughts. And definitely not to another night trying not to stare at the two men sleeping near me.
I’d rather be here. There’s something… reassuring…
about Declan. His strong alpha presence calms my worries about my future.
By the way Declan glances at the door, I’m guessing he’s nervous about having Knox out of his sight for the first time. I touch his arm, hoping the contact soothes rather than intrudes. “We’re on a boat. He can’t go anywhere. And Ava’s with him.”
Declan frowns. “A pretty beta isn’t going to be able to do much against a man like Knox if he decides to leave.”
Emily giggles, and we both give her confused looks.
“I was just picturing Ava threatening Knox with her stiletto.” She covers her mouth. “Ava’s more capable than you think. She can wrangle Knox.”
“Yeah, she can handle him.” I grin.
Emily tilts her head, and I bite my lip to keep from spilling secrets that aren’t mine to share.
“I have full confidence in her,” Emily emphasizes. “She likes us too much to risk letting Knox go rogue and pissing everyone off.”
“She likes us?” Declan asks, skeptical.
“Why do you sound so surprised?” Emily tilts her head. “We’re friends.”
“She is a hard woman to read,” I acknowledge in support of Declan.
“Well, I can’t argue with that, but she does.” Emily takes Declan’s hand like it’s nothing, like it’s everything. Something knots in my throat. That easy affection, the automatic inclusion. I want that. I want someone to reach for me like that without thinking.
“You really don’t need to worry,” Emily says. “What’s Knox gonna do? It’s not like he has pills to sell to her, does he?”
“Of course not,” Declan scoffs. “I took everything from him.”
“You have the suppressants?” Emily says with a little too much interest.
“Safe and sound.” Declan’s voice is smooth, but his eyes search her face.
She tries to smooth her features into indifference, but doesn’t quite manage. Now, I’m even more curious what’s going on with my little docinho .
“Well, good. Yep. All good. That’s great. Let’s go play mini golf.” Emily gives a little excited hop and takes both our hands. Her fingers squeeze mine like an anchor, and I let myself lean into that feeling as she rushes us out of the club.