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*

“A man like Jamison Munro…

he does not belong to himself….”

*

Four Crosses Castle

S ix long days.

That was how long Jamison had been gone, nearly the same number of days she had known him.

Havilland had tried hard to settle back into her routine, now with just Amaline to keep her company and Tobias and Thad, who had gone out of their way to be kind to her.

It made her uncomfortable, these knights she’d known for years now suddenly more polite than usual.

Tobias had even taken to pouring her wine for her at the meal the night before, which made her vastly uneasy.

He’d sat next to her, too. He hadn’t said much to her but his manner had been…

solicitous. It appeared that he was paying close attention to her.

She didn’t like it in the least. After she was finished with her meal, she’d retreated to her chamber and bolted the door.

She didn’t want to have to deal with knights who were trying to be kind to her.

This morning had seen the day dawn without mist, a bright blue sky above hinting at the spring to come.

The ground was cold but not frozen as it had been as of late and the rain that had pounded them for the past few weeks also seemed to have vanished.

In all, it turned out to be a beautiful day that she’d not had anyone to share with.

She’d never felt more alone in her life.

Odd how a man she’d known such a short time could become such a part of her.

She’d tried so hard to convince herself that sending him away had been the right thing for them both, but the more time passed, the more her stance on that opinion was wavering.

Jamison was heading north to marry his child bride and she would never see him again.

She’d resigned herself to that. But the pain of his departure, instead of easing, had only intensified.

By the second day after his leaving, she was seriously considering going after him and begging him to forgive her.

But she held her ground, knowing that her decision to send him away had been the correct one.

She forced herself to focus on her duties, on managing the gatehouse and on visiting her father who seemed to be sleeping a good deal these days.

He didn’t look well, either, she thought, so she had his servant take him out to the kitchen yard that morning to stretch his legs, moving in an area where not many people would notice him.

With a cloak over his body and a hood on his head, he was fairly inconspicuous.

Havilland kept an eye on her father and his servant as they plodded around the kitchen yard, finally sending him back inside after several minutes because it was cold outside and she didn’t want him to catch a chill.

She helped usher the man into the house, making sure he was tended before turning her attention back to the castle at large.

As she headed back towards the gatehouse, she could see Amaline up on the wall, red hair wild and free, dressed in her usual tunic and boots.

Even though Amaline was going through her regular routine as well, there was something different about her, something subdued and lost. Havilland watched her sister for a few moments, thinking that, perhaps, the young woman was feeling what she was feeling, as well.

Nothing was the same any longer.

And that included the gatehouse and Havilland’s regular duties.

The gatehouse was the first place she had ever met Jamison so the structure had some memories for her to that regard.

Memories of a man who wasn’t afraid to stand up to her, who hadn’t been afraid to spank her.

What had been an embarrassing incident was now something that brought a smile to her lips.

The Red Lion hadn’t been afraid of a half-English girl who fancied herself a warrior.

Even though she’d been heading for the gatehouse, she felt a sudden aversion to it at the moment.

The vault below and the structure itself weren’t welcoming to her.

She kept seeing a redheaded Highlander reflected in those gray granite stones.

The ladder leading up to the wall was to her left and she veered towards it, taking the ladder to the wall walk above, finding more solace.

Here, she could look out over the landscape and dream of things that would never be.

For now, it was the best she could hope for.

“It will be a clear night tonight.”

A male voice came from behind and she turned to see Tobias. He’d come up behind her and she’d never even heard him. When their eyes met, he smiled weakly.

“We should have a full moon tonight,” he said, pointing to the sky. “It has been difficult to see the sky these past weeks with the mists so heavy, but it remains clear. It should be a beautiful, well-lit night.”

Havilland nodded, glancing up the sky. The sun was dipping down on the horizon as it prepared to set for the night. “It will be clear and very cold,” she said. “When the sky is clear, the temperature is always quite cold.”

Tobias nodded. He was still looking up at the sky. “Cold enough that the mortar on the repaired section of wall is not curing as it should,” he said. “Too cold and too much moisture for it to set properly.”

Havilland looked at him with concern. “I had not been told that,” she said. “That is a very large section of wall to be weakened.”

He nodded. “I know,” he said. “But at least there is no snow. In fact, it is odd how there does not seem to be any snow on the ground in spite of the month. Has there been any snow this season?”

Havilland nodded. “There was a bit around Christmastide,” she said. “But there hasn’t been any since. Last year, we had snow until the last of March.”

Tobias pretended to shiver. “I do not like snow well enough to tolerate that,” he said. “I was in London around this time last year and there wasn’t any snow. I like that much better.”

Talk of London interested her. “When were you in London?” she asked.

He leaned against the parapet, his attention moving to the landscape beyond. “My mother’s family has a great house in London,” he said. “I went there for the season.”

Havilland leaned against the stones, too. “I have never been to London,” she said. “I hear it is a very big city.”

Tobias looked at her. “It is quite large,” he agreed.

“And there is nothing quite like it at Christmastide. There is a festiveness about because there are many celebrations going on to commemorate the birth of the Christ child. If you will allow, mayhap I will take you there someday. You can stay in my mother’s family’s home.

It is a massive place. You have never seen anything so big. ”

She looked at him, sharply, thinking that the invitation sounded more than just something that would be part of polite conversation. Just like last night, he was pouring her more wine and generally acting attentive. She didn’t like it.

“I do not think so,” she said, looking away. “I think that I shall remain at Four Crosses for the rest of my life. I have no great desire to leave.”

It was a lie but she wanted to throw him off her scent. She wasn’t interested in him, in any fashion. But Tobias wouldn’t be so easily discouraged.

“When my father gets here, things will change,” he told her confidently.

“With your father’s mental state, obviously, there must be a man in command of the castle.

I am certain he will not throw you and your family out of the castle, but if you want to remain, you will have to have some role in the new command structure. ”

Havilland didn’t like that statement at all. “My sisters and I commanded Four Crosses quite ably for the past year,” she said. “I see no need to change.”

Tobias shrugged. “You did admirably, considering you are women,” he said. “But Four Crosses is an important outpost and it must be commanded by someone who has been better trained and educated. You are a fine warrior, my lady, but surely you agree that a man must be in charge.”

She sighed faintly, vastly displeased with the conversation. “Who?” she asked. “You?”

He nodded. “Possibly,” he said. “My brother, Becket, might end up here, also. It is hard to say. But the point is that if you want to remain here and have a functional part, then changes will probably have to be made.”

“ What changes?” she asked suspiciously.

Tobias wasn’t a fool; he could hear the displeasure in her voice.

He’d been trying to warm her to him since Jamison’s departure in order to press forward with his suit, but he was sensing that six days was not enough time for that.

He was impatient, however. He wanted the chance to marry the woman before Jamison changed his mind and came back for her.

At this point, he wasn’t much concerned how Jamison was feeling or how Havilland was feeling. He was only concerned with himself.

“That is for my father to say,” he said after a moment. “But you must understand that whatever he decides, it will be for the best.”

Havilland’s gaze lingered on him for a moment before turning away. “When will your father come?” she asked. “Jamison sent for him many days ago.”

Tobias nodded. “I know,” he said. “But you must allow that, in this weather, it took Brend at least four days to reach Lioncross Abbey, possibly more. Then he has to tell my father what is happening and my father will muster his troops. Things like this do not happen overnight. It has not yet been two weeks since Brend left but rest assured, my father will come.”

Havilland was looking at the road leading from the gatehouse, perhaps imagining the last time she saw Jamison as he rode from the castle. It reminded her of the last day she saw him and of the deeds he did before he left.

“And my sisters?” she asked. “What will you tell him about Madeline?”

Tobias looked at her. “I thought you would tell me what you wanted me to tell him.”

“Then you will not tell him the truth?”