Page 63 of Kneeling for Them

“Yes,” I say.“It’s true.Whatever she said, it’s true.She showed up that night.I was drunk.I’d hurt a young woman.I don’t know the details.Sexual assault?Maybe.Rape?It’s entirely possible.I was so drunk, I blacked out.”

“How do you know it happened then?”she asks.

“Because when a woman says it happened, I believe her.”

“But you were drunk—you blacked out—”

I scoff.“Does me blacking out excuse any of it?Definitely fucking not.”

Now Ella flinches.

I step back from her.I don’t want to scare her, even though I’m so angry, my entire body feels as if it’s vibrating.

A sneer pulls my mouth to the side as I say, “I’m an abusive piece of shit, okay?”

“No,” she says.“It’s not okay.”

And there it is.Her decision.It’s not okay.

I don’t know what else to do.There’s nothing left to say.

Kingston shakes his head at me, because he knows what I’m about to do, but I ignore the warning.

And I do what’s maybe the easiest.Or maybe the hardest.

I leave.

Sebastian

“Shattered”

They tell you it gets easier

To heal a shattered heart

That after time, experience

Will make you stronger

That your dreams won’t cut

Through your mind

Scalpels picking out pieces of happiness

Excising it like tumors

Leaving you raw and open.

They are fucking liars

All of them.

Fifteen

Kingston

For a long moment, Ella watches the elevator swallow Sebastian.Once he’s gone, she stares at the closed doors for even longer, as if waiting for the contraption to spit him out again.