Page 32 of Kneeling for Them

“Okay, Daddy,” she says reflexively.

“Here’s the key card,” he says, sliding it into her hand.

She looks down at it, as if surprised.He gives her a little pat on the ass and says, “Go play, sweetheart.I’ll see you after work tonight?”

She nods, seems to remember herself, and turns to throw her arms around Kingston’s shoulders.“Thank you for this.So, so much.”

“You’re welcome, Ella.”

She throws her arms around me next, and I hold her tightly, inhaling her sweet scent.

“Thank you,” she says.

“Hey, I had nothing to do with this, but I’ll accept the hug.”

She laughs and goes to the piano bench to sit down.

“You can hang out with her for a bit?”Kingston asks.“I hate to abandon her.”

“I have a few minutes.I’m supposed to chat with Trina about plans.But I don’t think Ella will miss either of us while she’s in here.”

He gives her a fond look.“True.”

He leaves, and I turn back to Ella, who is absolutely absorbed in playing scales, then doing some other warm-ups, her hands moving quickly up and down the keyboard.From those, she segues easily into a melody I don’t recognize, and she begins to sing along.

Running through the city streets

Atmospheric interlude

You think you can run,

But can you outrun

The thoughts you seek to silence?

I sit in one of the chairs and drink in her song, realizing this must be one that she has written.It’s amazing, and when she pauses at the end, I tell her so.

She turns on the bench, giving me a little grin.“It needs some work, but I’ve got the basic melody down.The bridge is giving me trouble.”

“Try a diminished chord in there,” I suggest.

“Oooh, I can already hear that.”She turns around and plays it, nodding.She takes a small notebook from her purse and starts scrawling down notes, and it’s as if I’ve ceased to exist again.I don’t mind, though, because this—this is what I’ve always loved about music.The ability to lose all sense of yourself to the act of creation.The only other place I feel the same amount of peace is when I’m holding Ella in my arms.

I want to stay here.Sing with her.

I want to confide in her.Tell her everything.

But who the fuck am I, to shatter the joy that is obvious on her face?

Hey, Ella, I’m falling in love with you, and also, I have a history of abusing women and not just in the kinky way.I don’t think that would go over so well.

I listen to her play some other songs.I could do this all day, but then Trina texts.Dammit, that meeting.I ignore the text, but then she calls me.

Fuck my life.

I text Trina.I’ll be available in a minute.

“I have to go,” I say to Ella.