Page 67 of Kiss of Seduction (Court of Chains #1)

“Try me.” Hating how distant Natalya suddenly felt, Evie took her hand and squeezed it. The tingling from her skin ebbed and flowed like a rapid heartbeat. “Please.”

Natalya was quiet. Several long moments of silence where her beautiful features were wrought with pain. It was subtle. Evie doubted anyone but she would have noticed.

Then Natalya sat up, pulling Evie with her so she was leaning back against Natalya. Turned away from her so Evie couldn’t see her face.

“I’ve not had a good life, Evie. Not ever. I wasn’t meant to. I like to believe my time before this world was better, but I no longer remember it. Until the Court of Chains, all my memories were of pain, death, and desire. Until you, I didn’t expect to be capable of anything else.”

Natalya ran her fingers through Evie’s hair. She was quiet as she did so, looking for the right words. Evie let her find them.

“My entry into this world was with a woman named Olena Zakharova,” she continued. “She loved me, but only as a thing to possess. Only as a trophy. My connection with her allowed my name to be stolen and recorded. It led me to the man who enslaved me.”

Natalya tensed, and Evie reached her hand back over her shoulder. After a moment, Natalya took it.

“Did he hurt you?” Evie asked.

“He did. When I didn’t do as ordered. When I didn’t satisfy. When he felt like it. All he had to do was will it, and he could bring me pain.”

Evie’s hand gripped Natalya’s tighter. She couldn’t bear thinking about her hurting in any way.

“You killed him. I remember you telling me that.”

“He hurt me for many years. He let others hurt me. I killed him and all the others he let use me. Anyone who tried to possess me.” Natalya’s voice got quiet. “I killed a lot of people. I didn’t have control when I got my freedom. I needed to learn. I learned violently. I wasn’t made to be gentle.”

The words were juxtaposed by how softly Natalya was disentangling Evie’s hair.

“You’re gentle with me.”

“You make it easy. You make me want to. You’re special, darling.”

“I’m really not.” Evie’s lip trembled, and right then, she was happy Natalya couldn’t see her face. “I haven’t done anything in my life. I didn’t even finish high school. I’m nothing special.”

“What is it I have you tell yourself every day?”

Evie looked down. “That I’m beautiful, strong, and brave.”

Her voice was a bit uneven. The words still weren’t easy to say. Natalya kissed the back of her head.

“You’re all of that and more. You’re wonderful. You’re kind and caring. You’ve been through more than anyone should, and you’re still you. You’ve never sought to own me or wanted to possess me. Not once. Not ever.”

Evie couldn’t imagine owning someone else. She’d experienced being owned. Being without agency, unable to stop what was happening to her. She knew the pain of it and the terror felt under a cruel master. What she felt for Natalya wasn’t possessiveness. She just wanted to be with her.

“I don’t want to own you, Natalya.”

“I know. I know it without any doubt. But many do.”

The information made a strange indignant anger rise in Evie’s chest. The thought that someone might want to own Natalya, like she’d been owned before, hurt to think about.

“You’re too good for me,” Natalya said then. “I have done so many horrid things. I will do more in the future. I am a being of Sin. I was made to destroy. I don’t deserve the ease you bring me.”

Evie squeezed Natalya’s hand. “You deserve it more than anyone.”

Silence followed that statement. It felt like Evie should say something more, but the words wouldn’t come. She didn’t know if she’d upset Natalya or if the silence was just of the thoughtful variety.

Evie wasn’t good at talking. All she could do was listen and hold Natalya’s hand. She could be there, but she didn’t know what to say.

She knew what she wanted to say. The one thing she couldn’t bring herself to voice. But then Natalya did it instead.

“I meant what I said before. I don’t want to be without you. I don’t want anyone else. I don’t just want what we have now, I want you forever. I…”

Her voice trailed off.

“What, Natalya?” Evie’s own voice was barely audible.

Natalya’s arms went around Evie, and she hugged her. Held her in a tight embrace that felt like it was a goodbye. Like it was the last time Natalya would touch her.

“Evie…” Her name escaped Natalya’s lips as a tremble. Her voice never trembled. “I don’t want to let you go. I don’t want you to leave.”

Natalya made a quiet sound, almost like a sob.

“Evie, I love you.”

A silence had never been more painful. Never had the quiet been filled with so much agony.

This had been foolish. Natalya wasn’t a being to love, only something to desire or fear. To worship or flee from. That Evie wasn’t doing the latter was just because Natalya had her arms around her, and she couldn’t.

She didn’t want to let go. When she did, Evie would get up and leave. Evie wouldn’t be able to handle this. Or worse, she’d pretend she could. She’d say the words, and her voice would shake with fear because who would dare reject a greater fiend in her own domain?

Natalya had gone about this all wrong. She’d wanted this conversation in the Second Circle because it was where she was most herself. It was where her being was the most powerful. She hadn’t thought beyond her need for Evie to see that part of her and not recoil.

They were alone. Evie was spent and tired. She wouldn’t be able to run. If she said the words back, it wouldn’t be real. It would just be to avoid Natalya’s wrath.

Natalya didn’t feel wrath at all. She just felt sorrow so painful she’d rather be stabbed with the fiend-fixed dagger again than feel it a moment longer.

“Natalya?”

There was that tremble. That tremor in her voice. How dare Natalya ask this of her? After everything she’d been through? After Natalya promised Evie would be safe with her?

When Natalya didn’t say anything, Evie turned around. She was crying.

She was frightened to tears. It almost made Natalya run away.

Then Evie took her hand. “Feel me.”

Natalya froze. She didn’t understand what Evie was asking. She didn’t dare hope what it could mean.

“Feel my emotions,” Evie said. “You can. This once, I need you to.”

Natalya almost didn’t. She was afraid of what she would find. Or rather, what she wouldn’t . The dangerous hope that fluttered in her chest was the only reason she gave in. That question of… what if?

Natalya focused, drawing on the strange connection she’d made with Evie all those months ago. The connection that somehow let Evie survive her kiss and her touch. The connection that let her feel what Evie felt.

At first, she thought she felt nothing. There were no new emotions in her body. Nothing different. Only something more intense.

Love.

Bright and pure and earnest. Without a hint of fear. Without a hint of doubt. Streaming out of Evie, echoing in Natalya’s body, was relief, joy, and genuine love. And it only increased. It increased to the point where Natalya couldn’t ignore it if she tried.

“I love you too.” Evie was fully crying now, but she was smiling. Only when Evie reached out and wiped tears from Natalya’s face did she realize she was crying too. Natalya hadn’t shed tears in over a century. “I love you so much, Natalya. I love you more than words can say.”

Natalya pulled Evie close and hugged her. She just remembered to hold back her strength so she didn’t hurt her.

“I love you, Evie.” She leaned back only enough so she could kiss her. “Forever. I want to love you forever.”

Evie put her arms around Natalya’s neck, pulling herself close. She kissed her back. She kissed her softly. So tenderly. With relief and adoration.

Natalya didn’t deserve this. She didn’t deserve a feeling this wonderful. She didn’t deserve to be this loved.

She didn’t deserve Evie. Evie didn’t care if that was the case.

“Forever,” Evie whispered against Natalya’s lips. “I’m yours forever.”