Page 37 of Kiss of Seduction (Court of Chains #1)

Evie collapsed on the mattress, shivering, panting, and drenched in sweat. She was heaving, creating brief, small gasps that didn’t draw in enough air. She was barely present, her mind blank, her thoughts gone. The world was a thing beyond this room. Beyond this bed and body. It was a concept lost.

“Evie?” A concerned voice. Warm fingers brushed over her cheek.

Evie blinked the room into focus, looking up at Natalya’s beautiful face. Stunning. And worried.

“Are you alright?” Natalya’s voice was serious. Her hand kept stroking Evie’s cheek. “I know it got intense. I may have taken it too far.”

Evie pulled her hands free of the silk loops. She faintly noticed the restraints on her ankles had been undone.

Without thinking if she should ask for permission, she put her arms around Natalya and pulled herself up into a kiss. She tasted herself on Natalya’s mouth, and their lips meeting generated a flow of sparks that made Evie sigh with delight.

Natalya didn’t move for a moment, surprised by the act. Then she let Evie’s weight pull them both down until she was partially lying on top of Evie, kissing her softly.

God, it was wonderful to kiss her. After months of feeling nothing, Natalya made her feel so alive.

“I didn’t say red, did I? You know I can if I need to. I’m fine.”

Natalya’s brows snapped together. “You’re what ?”

“I’m…” Evie paused. Fine was such a simple term. Quick to say. An easy way to avoid questions. It was a dismissal of concern and of offers to help.

Fine meant there was no reason to worry. But Natalya insisted on worrying.

“I want more than that word. Tell me.” Natalya ran a finger over Evie’s lips as though the touch could coax out the strange emotions welling up in her and which Evie barely understood herself.

“It was amazing.” Her cheeks went hot, and she turned her head to the side. “You’re the best sex I’ve ever had. Is that what you want to hear?”

Natalya let out a soft laugh. “Only if you mean it.” She kissed Evie’s temple and jaw. Her lips, and then the rest of her. Brief touches that trailed everywhere on her face and chest. It let Evie catch her breath. It made her feel calm.

As Natalya continued to kiss her, Evie looked at her body. Gorgeous, radiant, and perfect. There were probably countless people in the world who’d give anything to possess Natalya. To have her touch them like she was willingly touching Evie.

The thought made her look away, suddenly self-conscious. She wasn’t worthy of something as rare as that. She was no one. She didn’t deserve to be this lucky.

Natalya stopped moving. “What was that thought?”

Evie wrapped her arms around herself. “It’s nothing.”

“It isn't nothing.”

Evie’s mouth went taut. She didn’t want to sour this moment, not when it was so perfect.

Now her stupid brain was ruining everything.

And Natalya’s harsh, violet eyes were drilling into her skull, as though her staring at Evie with enough steeliness could make her explain what she didn’t understand herself.

She didn’t know what Natalya saw, but her eyes softened. Rather than look angry, she just looked serious.

She trailed gentle fingers over Evie’s. She’d been digging her nails into her arms. Natalya’s touch made her relax.

“Do you know you’re beautiful, Evie?”

Evie scoffed, still not looking directly at her. “No, I’m not. Maybe I was once. Before. Then everything happened, and now I’m—”

She looked down at herself, regretting it immediately.

She tried not to do that anymore. She always made sure to not look in the mirror after she showered, and she wore long-sleeved shirts to cover her arms. The only exception was at work, and that was only because she had to keep her skin free.

She covered her scars with makeup before each class instead. A time-consuming act.

She had so many scars she couldn’t count them all. Her neck, wrists, and thighs were the most heavily dotted with marks, but her breasts and upper arms had them too. Some were jagged and had come from nails and teeth. Others were straight from Stefano’s knives and whips.

Natalya pulled Evie’s arms away so she wasn’t covering herself anymore. She put her hand over Evie’s tattoo, and Evie winced. That horrid mark was the worst of all. A neat list of her value. A symbol that she was property.

EVELYN A. - O-NEG SERAPHIC - LANGUAGES: ENGLISH - SPECIAL SKILLS: DANCING

She knew every word without having to even think about it. Every line a signifier of her worth. A brand she couldn’t escape.

“You are stunning.” Natalya’s hand was still on the tattoo, covering it. Touching it. “You are beautiful. And strong. Brave. Do you believe me when I say that?”

Evie’s bottom lip quivered, and she bit it to make it stop. She didn’t doubt Natalya believed those things. Evie just thought she was wrong.

“I want you to say the words,” Natalya said.

“I don’t want to.” This was embarrassing. She was reacting to this like a child.

“I know you don’t. You’re going to do it anyway.” Natalya’s voice had a hint of steel in it. She had eternity to wait, and she’d probably happily spend it looking silently at Evie until she said the damn words.

“I’m beautiful, strong, and brave.” She said it quickly and without feeling. Natalya’s expression didn’t change.

“Again.”

“No.”

“Yes. Again.”

Evie’s lip started trembling. Hearing those words from someone else was bad enough. Coming from herself they were even worse.

“I’m beautiful, strong, and brave.” She spoke a bit slower this time, and her voice was shaking by the time she was through.

“I know you don’t believe it.” Natalya caressed Evie’s ribs, her fingers brushing over her tattoo. “You will. And you’ll repeat it every day until you do.”

“Why do you care?” Evie said sharply. She felt exposed in a way she wasn’t used to. In a way she hated.

She’d survived this long by shutting off her emotions and not feeling anything at all. This was making her open up, and that invited whole new avenues of pain. She didn’t want it. She might fall apart if she let it happen, and falling apart wasn’t something she’d ever had the luxury of doing.

Natalya stroked her cheek. She didn’t look angry that Evie had raised her voice. She didn’t back off like Evie wanted her to do. She’d tried to push her away, and Natalya just leaned in closer.

“Because you deserve to be cared about.”

Evie’s sight went blurry with tears. She raised her hands to wipe them away, but Natalya grabbed her wrists before she could move them to her face.

“You are beautiful, darling. You are strong. And you are brave. You are one of the bravest people I’ve ever met. You may not believe these things about yourself but believe that I know them to be true. Eventually, you will too.”

Natalya let her go. Evie didn’t move her hands.

“How do you know?” Evie’s voice was both small and pathetic-sounding. “How do you know I’ll believe them?”

“Because it’s what happened to me. I thought lowly of myself for a long time after I got my freedom. It isn't an easy thing to believe what you don’t feel at all. Eventually, you’ll be able to say these words without sorrow. Later, without doubt. I promise.”

Evie let out a shuddering breath. She’d come to rely so heavily on Natalya’s promises.

Despite how bleak she felt, the words made hope flutter to life that sometime in the future, maybe, she would look at herself, and her first thought wouldn’t be about the monsters who’d left these marks on her body.

Natalya caressed her chin. “Promise you’ll say the words. Every day.”

Evie hesitated a long moment before nodding slowly. “I promise.”

Natalya regarded her with narrowed eyes, undoubtedly trying to determine if she was lying.

She wasn’t. Natalya’s promises to her had been much grander than this mere thing. Evie could do it. She would do it.

Natalya smiled. “Thank you, darling.”

She pressed her lips gently against Evie’s. It was a soothing kiss that made Evie feel warm inside. Made her feel safe and held as Natalya’s body pressed against hers.

How was Natalya this perfect? How could she be so commanding and then also be so gentle? So caring?

Evie wasn’t used to being treated with such loving attention. Before she’d been forcibly pulled into this hidden world of monsters, she’d been emotionally distant and gruff. She’d been tough and unfeeling, settling for contentment over happiness.

Even with Amanda, Evie had never felt this at ease. She’d never felt this vulnerable. This safe. It had never felt this right.

And then there had been Varro. Varro and his hard eyes and sharp teeth. Stefano and his cruel desires and cold touch. Memories that hurt. Right then, she couldn’t push them away.

As Natalya kissed her, Evie was reminded of what intimacy should be. What it should feel like to be touched by another. And in turn, she was reminded of what those men who’d imprisoned her had turned it into.

The first time with Natalya had been a test. A test she wanted, yes, but still a test whose results had brought relief that sex wasn’t just pain and terror.

The second time she’d been too distracted by being worried and angry to think about anything else afterward.

But now… feeling calm, safe, and protected, her defenses withered away.

With Natalya, she felt everything more. She felt everything purer. It meant higher pleasure. It meant brighter pain.

As she was kissed by this wonderful woman, Evie embraced Natalya and started crying.

Natalya wasn’t sure how long she stayed like that. Sitting on the bed, holding onto Evie as she wept. Evie’s arms around her, her crying making Natalya’s heart break into pieces.

At first, she thought the tears came because Natalya had pushed her too much, but there was no fear in her. Only a sorrow so forceful Natalya couldn’t ignore it, and which echoed in her own body.