Page 66 of Kiss of Seduction (Court of Chains #1)

Natalya ran a fingertip over Evie’s face.

Her nose and brow. Her closed eyes and her freckled cheeks.

Over her chin that had a small scar now, and her mouth still red from lipstick.

Asleep on a couch in the Second Circle, nestled in Natalya’s arms, Evie was more beautiful than Natalya had ever seen her.

After the scene, Natalya had removed the gag and undone the restraints. She held Evie, made her drink some water, and whispered soothing words that Evie only caught in gist. She wasn’t all there. She was in subspace, making her body heavy and her mind slow.

When Evie fell asleep, Natalya carried her back to the main hall, wrapped in a blanket. She’d sat on her throne, holding Evie and pushing her sleep deeper with gentle strokes of her fingers whenever someone wanted to talk to Natalya.

Many did. Many wanted to see who had the adoration of their harsh Lady of Lust. She cared about none of them.

Hours later, when the Second Circle was empty save for a select few in the private rooms, Natalya moved Evie to one of the couches. They were lying down, side by side, so Natalya could be near her. Just hold her. Watch her sleep.

Natalya had never desired sleep. When she had to do it, it was because she was injured and needed to heal. It was dangerous for her. It left her vulnerable to those seeking the marks of a greater fiend.

With Evie, she wanted it. Natalya wanted to listen to her soft breathing, feel her drift off, and sleep with her. Be at ease. Relax.

It was such a strange thing. For a creature of compulsion to crave calm like this.

“You look comfortable,” Aleksander said, passing the couch with a groggy-looking Lily under one arm. He’d returned to the Second Circle with Lily in tow, aiming for a private room. Apparently, the little flower had been badly behaved.

Natalya suspected Lily had something to do with Evie’s public show of rudeness. She wouldn’t thank Lily for it. But she wouldn’t be mad either.

“Go away.” She didn’t look at Aleksander. She just kept looking at Evie.

“Yes, dear.” When even that didn’t make her look up at him, Aleksander chuckled. “I’m glad she’s yours, Natalya.”

Hers. Was she that? Maybe in certain aspects. Not in others.

Natalya knew she didn’t want to let Evie go. She didn’t want Evie to be unsafe ever again. And even though she’d said Evie needed her own life, away from this world, Natalya didn’t want it to happen. She wanted Evie here . With her. Always.

In just a few days, they would move on Varro’s estate with the intention to catch him off guard in the day hours and kill him. With his death, Evie would be safe. She could take her new identity and go anywhere. Live a normal life far away from the Courts and the monsters within.

If she stayed, it would be as Natalya’s, and she wouldn’t be safe being that. It was a position that brought risk with it. To want her in that way was heedless. It was dangerous. It was selfish.

None of it mattered. Not when all Natalya could think of was how much she loved this wonderful woman who was so careful with her. Who was so brave and strong. The feeling filled her so completely that it was eventually overtaken by fear.

What if Evie didn’t feel anything like that for her? Just gratefulness and some degree of caring? Maybe she’d pretend to feel more. It would ruin Natalya to find that out. But she couldn’t fathom being without Evie. She’d never been as happy as when Evie was near her. Never been so calm.

Natalya needed to know. She needed Evie to know.

As the final few people cleared out of the Second Circle, Natalya remained. She stayed there, watching Evie sleep, not wanting her to wake. It was easy to be with her like this. When she was at rest in Natalya’s arms. When Natalya wasn’t asking anything of her.

What Natalya wanted to share wasn’t even a question. It was just a fact. But it required a response, nonetheless.

Thinking about how Evie might react made a cowardly, until-then-unknown part of Natalya wish time would stop so she would never have to let Evie go.

Evie woke slowly and reluctantly. Strong, warm arms held her, and she was wrapped in a blanket and the scent of lavender. She nestled into it. She was comfortable. At ease. She didn’t want to leave that feeling yet.

It was the quiet that eventually made her stir out of sleep. The last thing she remembered was being in the private room. The heavy music of the Second Circle had been muted by the walls, but it had still been there. Now it was silent.

She looked up, finding Natalya smiling softly at her. Her arms were around Evie, holding her close so she could use one hand to play with her hair.

“How long was I out?” Evie looked around, recognizing the main hall of the Second Circle. It was empty and quiet. They were on a couch, and they were alone.

“A few hours.” Natalya stroked Evie’s hair, untangling her long locks. “I may have helped. I liked watching you sleep.”

Remembering what they’d done just before she fell asleep, Evie bit her lip and grinned.

“So you’re not mad at me anymore?”

“Don’t test me.” Natalya pressed a kiss to Evie’s forehead. Rather than pull away, she stayed there. She held Evie tighter for a moment. Like she was afraid Evie was about to slip away. “You’re wonderful, Evie.”

Evie’s face was pressed against Natalya.

She was happy for it. As out of it as she was, she doubted she could have kept the flutter of emotion off her face.

The yearning she felt hearing that. The ache in her chest of wanting more and which turned painful with the knowledge that it couldn’t be.

That despite Natalya’s perfect tenderness, she didn’t love Evie like Evie loved her.

She tried to ignore it. She hugged Natalya back, as well as she could, wrapped in the blanket. “You’re wonderful too.”

Natalya laughed softly. “That’s not how I’m usually described.”

“It’s what you are to me.” Evie regretted the words the moment she said them. It was too much like revealing how she felt, and with that would come rejection.

Evie had taken all the steps. Their first time together happened because Evie wanted it. After the dance studio, Evie sought out Natalya when she didn’t want to talk. Evie had even put on the damn Chain pendant without being asked.

When she’d done all that, and Natalya still didn’t say anything, it could only mean she didn’t feel the same way.

Then Evie had a sudden, horrible realization. Natalya moved away so she could see Evie’s face.

“You tensed. What’s wrong?”

Evie couldn’t look at her. “You can feel my emotions. Right?”

“I can. You said you don’t like when I do it, so I try not to. Though, your strong emotions I can’t help but feel.”

“Can you…” Evie swallowed. “Can you feel me right now?”

“No. Not right now.”

That was a relief. Whatever stupid, doting emotions Evie had could be pushed down, and Natalya wouldn’t know. She wouldn’t notice.

“But I can tell something is bothering you,” Natalya said. “Something is on your mind.”

“You worry too much.”

“I can’t help but worry. Not when it’s about you.”

Why did she have to say stupid, perfect words like that? Words that sounded so caring and loving, it was like Evie’s heart was being crushed.

“Do I have to talk about it?” Evie said quietly. She didn’t want to. Not when she was so comfortable in Natalya’s arms. Not when it would result in a rift growing between them again. “Please, just… Not right now. Later.”

Natalya didn’t look pleased. But she nodded. Then her face took on a gentler quality. Her violet eyes, normally sharp like crystals, softened.

“You’ve come so far since I first met you,” Natalya said. “You were so scared then. I wondered if there was anything of you left. If they had broken you. But you are so brave, Evie. So strong. You astonish me.”

Stunned by the words, Evie went silent. She didn’t know what she should say hearing that. She barely knew what she felt, and she was scared whatever she said wouldn’t be received right. She wasn’t like Natalya, who knew all the right words.

“Can I ask you a question?” Natalya said.

Evie hesitated at her serious tone, then nodded slowly.

“What’s your favorite color?”

Evie laughed. She’d said it so seriously, and it was such a basic thing. She stopped laughing when Natalya’s expression didn’t change. She really wanted to know.

“Purple.”

“You never wear purple.”

“You don’t have to wear a color for it to be your favorite.” Her eyes trailed to Natalya’s, lingering there a moment. “I just like looking at it.”

Natalya smiled at that.

“What’s yours?” Evie asked.

“I’ve never had one.” Natalya ran a finger over Evie’s lip, looking deep into her eyes. “But after I met you, I’m drawn towards green.”

Her finger rested on Evie’s face for a moment, then she withdrew.

“Why are you with me?”

“I trust you,” Evie said, her cheeks growing warm. “I feel safe with you. And I… I care about you.”

She couldn’t say the other word. Not when she knew it wouldn’t be returned. But she could say something near it, and maybe it would be enough. It would have to be.

Natalya nodded. As if she wasn’t surprised. Just a little sad, maybe.

“I feel the same. I trust you. And I feel safe with you.” She ran her fingers through Evie’s hair. Soothing herself. “I care about you too. I care about you more than is wise.”

“What does that mean?”

Natalya didn’t look at Evie’s eyes as she spoke. “It means I don’t want to be without you. I want you here, with me. Always. And I can’t ask that of you.”

Evie’s heart started beating faster. She did her best to ignore the hope the words made stir.

“You can.”

“I shouldn’t.” Natalya drew back her hand. Even though they were still lying against one another, it was like she’d withdrawn altogether. “I cannot give you a normal life. It wouldn’t be fair to pull you into this world.”

“I’m already in it. And you’re not pulling me. I’m going on my own. You just have to let me in.”

“What if you don’t like what you find?”