Page 24 of Kiss-Fist (Deaf Hearts #1)

Robbie: This is why hearing and Deaf don’t work. It’s not just the communication or the culture differences. It’s because people like you forget their privilege. We aren’t less than. We’re equal to. I want a voice in the things that matter. I want a fucking VOICE.

I feel my eyes start to burn, and I swallow heavily. Is that what he took away from that? Oh god. There’s no coming back from this, it seems. I’ve fucked up majorly and didn’t even realize it. I force myself to finish listening to the crappy electronic voice read out the note.

Robbie: So I’m telling you now. I don’t want to go on this date. Not now. Not ever.

My hand is trembling as I read those last two words and hear myself sniffle.

Robbie is watching me intently, his simmering eyes dimming slightly when he sees how upset I am. But I’m not trying to manipulate him with my emotions. I just can’t help how I feel. I had no idea how deep his feelings went on this.

Through blurry eyes, I type back a simple response.

Me: I undrstnd. I’m sry.

I tip the screen toward him so he can read it, and then I point to my chest and throw my thumb over my shoulder, forgetting the sign for leave .

The lights flicker again, and I hear a strangled noise come from Robbie.

My hand slides across my eyes as I move toward the door.

Everything seems to go in slow motion. Thunder cracks, and something shakes the building.

The lights go off, and I hear the automatic click of the secondary lock in the door.

The ones for emergencies. The ones they have for active shooters.

My hands hit the handle, but it won’t twist. I pull on it over and over, but it won’t engage.

Robbie moves toward me and tries as well. His hand smacks mine, and I feel a flutter in my chest. One of excitement because touching him always makes me feel like this and sadness, knowing it’s over .

He steps away from me, running a hand through his hair as his phone flashes. He stares down at it and sighs.

Holding it up, I can’t read all of the message, but I get the gist. It’s from the school. There isn’t an active shooter, but the storm caused the emergency switch to flip, and anyone currently in classrooms or in offices on campus may be locked inside.

Help is on the way. Or something like that.

Don’t they know I just want to go home and have a good cry for being such a miserable fuckup? Don’t they know I need to get out of here so I can do it away from Robbie?

They don’t, and they don’t seem to care either.

It feels like hours while I wait for that door to unlock.

I keep trying the door in hopes I can escape, but I can’t.

And Robbie is just standing there watching me.

Intently. The light on his phone illuminates the unshed tears in my eyes, and for once, I don’t want to be seen by him.

He lifts his phone to his face and types something and then seems to erase it because he doesn’t show it to me. He does this four times. I’m counting because it’s torture. I want to know what he’s saying but don’t want to overstep like I did earlier.

I ruined it and didn’t even mean to.

Finally, Robbie makes a sound in the back of his throat and holds his phone up, my eyes blinking at the brightness.

It takes me far too long to work through the words, but I do it for him.

He deserves to be heard. Like he said, he wants a voice, and even if it’s hard for me, I want to make sure he has it .

Robbie: I’m sorry I upset you. What I said was true, but I know you didn’t mean to be cruel.

I blink wildly, trying to not cry, but fuck, it’s hard. I’ve always felt things so deeply. The only thing I can do is nod. And try to wipe at my eyes discreetly.

Robbie sees it, because of course he does.

His hands move up to my face, and his forehead touches mine. Butterflies with razor-sharp wings flutter, excitement and pain rushing through me.

He breathes that way for a moment, warm puffs of air hitting my lips. I want to lean forward, but his words have burrowed deep in my mind. I don’t want to make any more choices for him.

I want him to want to kiss me and not because he feels sorry for me. Because he still needs me the way I need him.

His fingers tighten slightly against my jawline, and then he leans forward.

His mouth ghosts across mine, and I moan, so loudly it rivals the sound of the thunder right above us. I can tell from the way he sways, Robbie feels it. In his hands, against his chest. He leans forward more, slanting his mouth over mine. I can’t help but push into him. I want more. I need more.

For agonizing moments, I thought I’d ruined this. But he’s kissing me now like he missed me. Like those long seconds where things were on the cusp of being over were too much for him.

I groan again, and he pushes me up against the door roughly. A grunt escapes me as his kisses grow more feral, more aggressive. He thrusts his tongue into my mouth and bites down on my bottom lip, pulling a depraved whimper right out of my throat.

Oh god yes. Yes. Please.

His hips rut against mine, and I feel the hardness there. Even if I’m wrong and this is nothing more than a goodbye, at least he’s still attracted to me. And if that’s true, I’m going to make this fucking count. I’m going to make sure he never forgets what he had when he had me.

I match each one of his violent kisses with one of my own.

Robbie’s fingers claw down my back and ruck my shirt up, dragging his palms against my sensitive skin. I shudder under his touch, one hand moving into my hair through the top of my shirt, the other sliding down my shorts and grabbing onto my ass.

My hips thrust forward, desperately searching for more friction. He rips his mouth from mine and drags it to my Adam’s apple, sucking on it as I moan like a whore.

For the moment, my tears are forgotten, replaced with an all-consuming lust.

He’s rocking against me, guiding my ass back and forth as he continues to play with me, and I let him. I’ll let him have anything he asks for. Right now, I’m completely and utterly his.

But just as I start to think he’s going to rip my clothes off and take me right there against his door, the locks disengage.

The sound of it is startling, shattering the moment between us, and reality comes crashing in.

The moment is broken. This—the promise of having this man who I had finally let myself fall for—is over.

I push him away from me, and he stumbles back, his hair a mess, his eyes wild. There’s a look on his face that I can’t read, and I hate it. But it is what it is. He made his position clear and I can’t argue with him about it. I’m the one who fucked up and I’m not going to drag him down with me.

I quickly rearrange myself in case someone walks in. I don’t want them to see us in this compromising position. I don’t want him to get in trouble. It’s the very least I can do to make this right.

His gaze meets mine and he lifts a hand to tap on his chin. ‘What’s wrong?’

I point to the lock and then sign, ‘Open.’

His eyes widen, and he attempts to put himself back together, adjusting his shirt and hair, tucking his cock beneath the waistband of his slacks.

The bulge of it is visible, and hell, it makes me want to get on my knees and nuzzle it, but I don’t.

I don’t have the right to his body anymore…

I think. Our gazes meet again and he holds mine for a long time, then lets a breath out on a sigh, and the moment is once again shattered.

Robbie turns his back on me, and I touch the bruised part of my neck that he sucked on.

I know I have a mark there. I can still feel the echo of his teeth and tongue against my skin and an ache hits me in the center of the chest at the thought that this might very well be the last time his lips ever touch me.

Grabbing his bag, Robbie twists the door handle, and it swings open without a fight, almost knocking into me. He points to the hallway, and I grab my backpack and slink out. Thank god no one is in sight. At the very least, neither of us will have to explain the way we look to anyone.

My feet follow him as we walk toward the exit. The sound of the rain is pounding on the roof, and it’s making me shiver. I didn’t bring a jacket, of course . I wasn’t thinking. But as Robbie leads us outside, he stops under the awning and I can just make out the sound of his sigh over the storm.

He turns to look at me and shakes his head.

I don’t know what that means and it must show on my face because he shakes his head and points, waving me forward before he runs right into the damn rain. I have no choice but to follow, immediately soaked as I step into the downpour from the storm barreling around us.

It takes me a second to realize where we’re going.

The staff parking lot is at the far end of the building and I zero in on the sight of his car.

I can barely see anything except his dark silhouette as he fumbles in his pocket for something, and then he comes to a halt, holding his coat half over his head as my shoes slide on the wet asphalt.

I’m shivering by the time Robbie gets his keys out, and the lights flash as he unlocks it.

He meets my gaze through the rain, then nods and signs a word I can understand. ‘Enter.’

And I do. I’ve never once been able to ignore a direct order from him, and despite whatever’s going on between us now, that hasn’t changed. Not yet. And probably not ever.

I toss my backpack at my feet and slam the door shut as Robbie does the same. The water starts coming down harder, the rain creating a barrier on the windows. No one can see through. Between the sheets of water running down the glass and the darkness, we’re all alone.

I can hear his breath picking up, his hands sliding across the steering wheel, and then he’s climbing up over the console and onto me.

His wet body melts against mine. I make room for him, shuffling my legs together so his knees fit on either side.

My hands move to his incredible ass as his lips meet mine once more.

They’re frantic, angry.

And a little sweet.

I groan, and so does he, his fingers moving all over me.

They’re in my hair, on my face, coasting down my chest. Grazing my cock.

With every touch comes the realization that I was wrong.

This isn’t over. There’s still hope. That thing in his office, that long moment, was not a goodbye.

But the freezing cold water soaking into my skin keeps me from losing myself too much and I realize this is wrong.

He’s doing this in the parking lot of his college. Oh god . We cannot be doing this at his place of work. If anyone sees, if one person catches a single glimpse, that might be it for him, and it’ll definitely be it for me. He’ll get fired and I’ll get kicked out and he’ll resent me forever for it.

No. He can’t lose anything because of me. I couldn’t live with myself if that happened.

But it’s too hard to find the words or the signs. I don’t want to stop touching him now that I know he’s not done with me. I take a breath and grip him, slowing the motion of our kisses until they stop.

He pulls away after a beat, his eyes concerned. He stares hard, and I swallow as his eyes moves to the hickey he left on my neck. I feel his gaze almost like a physical touch and I’m almost too afraid to move. ‘What’s wrong?’ he finally asks, breaking the still silence. ‘Why stop?’

‘You work here. You-me need,’ I search my mind for a new word before deciding to fingerspell it. ‘CAREFUL.’

He watches and then sighs, showing me how to sign it.

I copy him, and he nods, running a hand through his hair and moving off my lap. I feel the absence of him, the utter despondency that rips through me. Dramatic, I know. But I’m so gone for this guy, and he has no idea.

He makes it to his seat and takes a heaving breath, his forehead hitting the steering wheel. I move to leave, grabbing my backpack, hand on the door handle, when he stops me.

“Wait,” he says aloud, and I freeze. I’ve never heard him speak before. The word sounds heavy in his chest, thick in the back of his throat, his voice nothing like I expected.

I love it.

His face is turned toward me, his lips parted, and then he signs something. Something that makes me unable to move, unable to leave.

‘Home? With me?’

It’s a question. I know by the way his eyebrows rise.

And all I can do is give my response on my shaking dominant hand. ‘Yes.’