Page 51 of Kings & Queen

“I want you to know that I never intended for any of this to happen. I would rather die than come between Ivan and his brothers. We spoke today. He needs space, but I need somewhere to stay that is safe. Alek and Nik won’t let me go easily.”

“Nik? He’s involved with you as well? Oh, dear god, this is worse than I thought.” The shock in her voice was laced with disapproval.

I sat on the other end of the phone, feeling every bit as dirty and whorish as I’m sure she thought I was. Wanting to die, I fell deeper into an abyss that was only growing by the second. I never really understood that shame could radiate so thickly through a person and consume them.

“I’ll give my husband a call. I think you’re right. It may be best for you to stay here while you’re waiting. The sooner this ends, the better. Give me an hour, and I will call you back.”

“Thank you,” I said, wishing the universe would open up and swallow me.

About an hour later, she called me back. “Christopher and I would be happy to host you in our home. The sooner, the better. How does tomorrow work?”

“That would be amazing. I appreciate it so much. I’ll let Alek and Nik know tonight. Thank you.”

We hung up with a timeline in place. Now to let the guys know. I went looking for them and found them gathered in the study. They grew quiet the minute they saw me. Sebastian and Marcel were there as well, though I was relieved not to see Ivan. It would be easier this way.

“Can we have a family meeting, minus Ivan?” I asked quietly.

“What’s going on, kitten?” Everyone shifted their attention to me.

“I spoke with your mother,” I began, looking at both him and Nik to gauge their reaction. Alek looked concerned, while Nik was amused. “I went with the lie I started last night about having an audition coming up. I asked your mother if I could stay with them while I wait.”

“Why, baby girl?” Nik’s amusement had disappeared, replaced with confusion.

“I have to go, to disappear, anyway. I can’t stay another day, and…and this is Ivan’s home.”

“Ivan will manage, Kinsley,” Alek huffed.

“But he isn’t managing. We spoke earlier today, and he’s not okay. Ask yourself if you didn’t care about me as you do, would you want him to be tormented by me every day? When have you ever seen him act like this?” The weight of my words created an uncomfortable tension that lingered.

“She has a point, gentlemen,” Marcel spoke up on my behalf. My eyes met his, and I could tell he was torn between being proud of me and worried I would pull away.

“It’s not like you won’t know where I am. I promise to follow every single rule you have for me here, over there. I won’t do anything stupid to jeopardize the plan. Please,” I begged them.

Nik and Alek looked at each other. I could tell they didn’t like it but knew I spoke the truth. “If we agree, there would be conditions,” Alek finally said.

My voice quivered as I asked, “What conditions?”

“The ones we’ll be discussing in private. Go to your room. I’ll be by later to discuss them with you,” Alek huffed, dismissing me.

“Alek,” I said, wanting to know what conditions he was going to discuss and why I couldn’t be there.

“Kinsley, I swear now is not the time for arguments. Please, you’ve given us a lot to think about. I didn’t even think you and my mother were close enough for you to reach out like that. I’m not sure how I feel.”

I nodded, unable to explain that it wasn’t about feeling close to her at all. It was more about her willingness to take me in so I didn’t further destroy their family. He wouldn’t want to hear that.

He called me over for a kiss and then said, “Go on, now, I’ll come see you later.”

After leaving the guys, I knew what I needed to do next. The hallway to Pasha’s room seemed longer than usual, or maybe it was my fear of losing him again that made it seem so.

Why did my footsteps feel so heavy?

The soft carpet against my bare feet did nothing to silence the pounding of my heart. I paused at his door, running my fingers along the cool surface, trying to ground myself somehow. If he left right away and joined his group on tour, then I’d be saying my first real goodbye. I hesitated for a moment, not wanting to rush this.

The faint hum of music played from inside his room, which meant he was in there. Taking a deep breath, I knocked, the sound pathetic and barely audible.

All the urgency I had left the drawing room with had disappeared, and now I stood outside the door shaking. He must not have heard me the first time, because I had to force myself to knock again, louder this time.

This is important, stupid.