Page 101 of Kings & Queen

“Alek felt it necessary for his own mental health to pull back a little. He wanted her to seek professional help. However, he’d already collared her, despite my suggestion to wait it out. After multiple attempts to get her to open up, to work on it together, it fell on deaf ears. From there, it all went to hell. As you know, suicidal mentions and attempts are hard for the King brothers to process.”

“She became suicidal?”

“Something like that. There was a lot of manipulation involved on her part. In her desire to not face her trauma and deal with it, she developed coping mechanisms. She couldn’t see how much damage she was doing to herself, nor Alek. It was traumatizing for Alek, and he had to walk away.”

“Thank you for sharing. I originally thought it weird that he wanted to seek your approval, but deep inside, I knew he had to have a good reason. How do I make sure not to cause him trauma, Dr. Marcel?” she asked, fidgeting and showing her concern.

“Consider opening up and sharing a bit of your past as you feel comfortable. If something is mentioned or you negotiate a scene with him, ensure that you are being 100 percent honest in your feelings, expectations, and desires. I can’t stress enough to you that the use of your safeword is everything.”

“I understand. I’m not opposed to using it, you know.”

“I know. You’ve used it several times with me. Alek told me about your conversation, centering on a different word. Want to talk about that?”

Her face burned, and I chuckled and shook my head in amusement. A sense of pride filled me.

“It felt right, Marcel. I wouldn’t have said it to just say it, you know. Funny how it should have horrified me in every way, but Alek deserves it. He’s a good man. If I could have handpicked a Master, he would be the perfect fit for me.”

“I know, heisperfect for you, and you him. I’m proud of you for overcoming your fear. This is what dealing with trauma looks like. There will be hard days, the struggle uphill is exhausting. But the view from the top and the freedom that comes with it is priceless.” I winked.

“Speaking of hard days. Did you know I sent Ivan a copy of my hard and soft limits? Lame, huh?” Her brow furrowed as she brought the conversation back to Ivan.

“I was aware of that, and it wasn’t lame.”

“Wishful thinking, then?”

“Maybe a little. How did he react, if I may ask?” I posed the question, already knowing the answer.

“In the worst way possible. He ignored it. Why does it hurt so much? Am I ever going to stop hurting when I think about him?” She drew her knees up as the tears spilled over.

“In time. If I’m honest, I think I worry more about how you’re going to manage once you’re gone and your support system is not in place.”

“I know you’re worried.”

“Promise me you will find someone to talk to if you feel yourself sliding into that dark place in your mind. There is no shame in talking about your emotions.”

“We’ve talked about that. I could never share with another the things I’ve told you.”

I gazed at her, feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. I’d give anything for her to be able to stay. Sebastian and I had been over it several times, even before the guys got home. Nothing seemed safe enough.

“Even though it hurts, I’m glad Ivan once loved me. There’s nothing in the world that beats how his love made me feel. The risk was worth it, even though I’ll cry myself to sleep tonight.”

“None of this defines your worth or your capacity to love and be loved. You will love again one day, when the time is right,” I reasoned.

“It’s sweet of you to say, but I won’t ever love a man like I loved Ivan. What we had was special. I’m sure every young girl feels that way, but it really was. I know he felt it too. I hate consequences,” she admitted.

“If Ivan were here right now and willing to talk with you, what would you say to him?”

After a few minutes of silence, she spoke. “Where to even begin? I suppose I would want him to know that I’m sorry for what I did. That if I had only one wish in all the world, it would be to go back to that day and do everything differently. I wouldn’t wish for my parents to still be living or for the two years of my life that were stolen returned to me.”

I extended my hand, offering the box of Kleenex to her. I understood the weight of her longing and the depths of her anguish—how it gnawed at her core. As she reached for the tissues, her hands trembled. I remained quiet, allowing her space to feel. Her words were powerful.

“I’d tell him there’s no place in the world I’d rather be than alone with him and in his arms. That he provided a safe place for me to be me. That his acceptance and love made me feel beautiful and cherished. I’d like for him to know that, in him, I found peace. And that he knows how to quiet my soul like no other in the world.”

She broke into body-racking sobs as the emotions crashed over her. With each tear that fell and each breath she took, my empathy deepened, and I broke. “Fuck, Kinsley.” I crossed the space between us and gathered her into my arms.

“I’m so stupid. Can I tell you something I’ve been thinking about for a while?”

“Yes, of course you can,” I said, wiping the tears from her face.