Page 49 of Kings & Queen

Kinsley

A Family Meeting

The following day, Ihad the house to myself. Pasha wasn’t home, but I had promised him I would give ballet another shot. He had gotten me a pair of pointe shoes, and I rose on my toes in relevé position and studied my form in the full-length mirror in front of me. Panic clawed at my insides at being in this position, but I fought against it.

The haunted reflection transformed into that stupid little girl, and I was startled when the door opened. Ivan walked in, and his eyes caught mine, freezing me in position. As he strode forward with a glare on his face, I knew I needed to leave. Having decided I wouldn’t engage him anymore, I was surprised when he blocked my way.

“Nuh-uh.” A scowl darkened his expression as he moved toward me.

I sighed. What more was there to say? He thought I was nothing more than a whore. Standing there shaking, I hated myself for feeling afraid of him. Everything about what I’d done was wrong and twisted. I’d crossed a line, and now I was left choking on the fallout.

The problem was the guilt didn’t settle cleanly. It gnawed, sharp and confusing, like I couldn’t even trust my own instincts anymore. But what was new in that, really?

My gaze dropped, shifting away from his. If I saw hate in his eyes, I wasn’t sure I could survive it. “What do you want, Ivan?” I finally asked, my voice trembling while I struggled to fight back tears since I knew he hated them.

“I want you to know what raping you did to me so that you understand completely.”

Once again, I sighed. “You didn’t rape me, Ivan. I asked you to hurt me, and you did. That’s all. Rape is nonconsensual. I was willing and egged you on. It was wrong, very wrong, and I regret it more than you’ll ever know.”

“No, it was rape, plain and simple. Something I never thought myself capable of. I’ve been taught all my life to cherish women, to protect them, that they’re precious. My father always told us that honor dictates we keep women safe and that if we consciously choose to put one in danger, then we’ve failed. There’s so much more to it, but I won’t go into it with you.” His voice broke.

His words tore me to pieces while his eyes transformed into something harsh and cold. I wanted to scream at him to stop talking. I didn’t want to hear it.

“I failed myself, my family, and ultimately the only woman I’ve ever loved. I didn’t think myself capable of such a thing. And now it eats at me every day. Seeing you crushes me. All I remember is your blood on my cock, the tears of pain streaming down your cheeks. And the worst, the worst is you telling me ‘it hurts, Ivan. No more. I can’t take it. You’re hurting me.’”

I shook with emotion, trying to fight the tears.What had I done?

“It hurts, Ivan. No more. I can’t take it. You’re hurting me,” he whispered once more, torturing us both.

My breath lodged in my throat as I stared at the floor. He tilted my face toward him. The feel of his hands made me melt, and my pulse throbbed in my veins as I waited to see what he was going to do. Something in his eyes shifted. The pain gave way to something hungry and dark. He leaned closer, his breath against my lips.

Lightning struck as his mouth crashed down on mine; his hands moved to my hips as his lips ravished mine. His tongue demanded entry, and like the submissive girl I was taught to be, my lips parted.

Each stroke of his tongue seared deeper, consuming every breath I had left. Fingers danced along the curve of my hip, drifting lower until it found the small of my back and tugged me into him.

My head swam. He continued kissing me, going from brutal to soft and loving.Please don’t stop. But he ignored my unspoken plea and instead pulled back. I sucked in air, desperate and lightheaded. Every part of me tingled from head to toe.

“Do you have any idea how much I wanted our first time together to be special, how I wanted to taste your sweetness? How I dreamed it would be?” His words broke me. “I need you gone. I can’t think with you here.It hurts, Ivan. No more. I can’t take it. You’re hurting me. It’s all I hear when you walk into a room. I can’t escape you.” His voice was low and full of hurt.

“I’m so sorry.” I covered my face.

And just like a switch being pulled, he shoved me away. “Leave. I can’t stand you.”

Stumbling, my legs tangled beneath me, and I lost my balance. On reflex, I steadied myself. My heart pounded as I sprinted toward my room where I stayed. It was the only way I could avoid tormenting him with my presence.

The sound of a knock on my door startled me before Marcel snuck in. “Got a minute?”

“I’ve got lots of them for you.” I patted the bed. The minute he sat down, I started sobbing, and he pulled me into his arms.

“It’s going to be okay.” His words were meant to soothe me, but the guilt from my encounter with Ivan earlier wouldn’t allow me to find any peace.

“You were right, by the way. Ivan thinks he raped me.”

“I see, and did you tell him how you felt about everything?”

“I tried. I wish—”

“Nope. We talked about that. Wishing for something will not make it better.”