Page 50 of Kings & Queen

“Whatwillmake it better? Please tell me because I feel like my heart is being ripped into pieces. I can’t breathe. It hurts so much.”

“I’m afraid time is the only answer I have for you. I want you to think objectively for a second. I know you miss your parents and Owen, but the hurt isn’t as strong as it was when it originally happened. Time has a way of making the pain easier to manage. It won’t take it away, but wouldn’t you agree your pain is different?”

“I suppose, but it still hurts.”

“Exactly, and the guys just got back. Ivan is trying to adjust. I hate seeing him this way. He has been my best friend since I was thirteen years old. He’s broken up and not seeing clearly. There are things I’m not sure he has shared with you.”

“Like what? Maybe if I knew, I could make it better?” I asked innocently.

“The date on the guys’ tattoos. I’m sure you’ve noticed it.”

“Yes, I thought it was when the death squad was formed.”

He chuckled and hugged me. “No, that would come later. I’m not going to tell you the significance, but you should ask Nik or Alek about it. Ivan has scars. It’s the reason he’s so drawn to you. There’s an emotional connection you offer him that he hasn’t ever shared with a woman before.”

“Which makes what I did worse. He thinks he violated me, but the truth is I violated him. I’m so sorry, Marcel.”

“I know. It’s one reason I wanted you to take things slow, my dear.”

“I should have listened to you. He isn’t going to forgive me before I have to leave. I think that’s what’s killing me. How could I have been so stupid?”

“Hey, none of that,” he chided. “We’ve talked about you calling yourself stupid and putting yourself down. I’ll not allow it, young lady.”

“Sorry,” I mumbled.

“I brought you something. I thought there might be someone in here you want to say goodbye to.” He dug into his pocket and handed me my phone.

Throwing my arms back around him, I declared, “I love you, Marcel. I hope you know that.”

“Awe, I’m quite fond of you too.” He held me for a few minutes longer, and then his phone rang. He sighed and moved to leave. “I’ve got to take this. I’ll check in on you later, okay?”

I lay there a while longer, thoughts spiraling through the quiet. These men meant more to me than I ever expected, their presence stitching into the corners of my heart when I wasn’t looking. The universe, as always, felt needlessly cruel.

My thoughts drifted to my beloved again. The scars, the ones Marcel had quietly mentioned, caused a fresh ache to bloom in my chest. What happened to him? The idea I was adding to his pain only made things worse.

An idea came to me. I was thankful my phone was on autopay so I still had service. Sophia King had texted me in Seattle to arrange lunch. We never got around to it, but hopefully having her number would be my ticket out.

After practicing what I’d say to her for several minutes, I took a deep breath and dialed. Every inch of my frame shook while I tried to get my emotions under control. Thankfully, she answered on the second ring.

“Kinsley?”

Hearing her voice, and knowing the love she held for her sons, twisted the shame deeper. It tightened like a knot in my chest. I’d hurt her baby. There was no way around it.

“Hi, Mrs. King. Do you have a second?” I broke, unable to control the sobs.

“Yes, of course. I was actually going to come round tomorrow. I wanted to check on you after last night.”

“I know you don’t know me and have no obligation to me whatsoever, but I could really use some help.”

Please don’t hang up on me or tell me how absurd this is.

Knowing Ivan needed me gone, the only other safe place that had equal amounts of security, if not more, was their parents’ house. I only had three weeks left. Better to rip the Band-Aid off and let Ivan have his space. This had to work.My anxiety rose several notches as she stayed silent. I thought she may have hung up, but then she spoke.

“What can I do?” she asked pragmatically.

I brushed back tears and launched into my prepared speech. “The ballet school. I’ve got the audition set up,” I lied. “However, it’s about three weeks out. I’m sure that by now, you’ve seen how Ivan feels about me.”

“Yes, my husband and I discussed it at length last night.”