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thirty

Z ina

Six months have passed, and the pain isn’t any less than it was the day I lost him. Not a moment goes by when he’s not on my mind.

Every night I lie in bed, wishing his arms were around me. I ache with the need to bury my face against his chest and breathe in his scent. I can’t believe he’s gone. No matter how hard I try, I can’t accept it. My heart won’t let go.

His name often spilling from my lips, a wish, a memory. A hurt so deep I doubt it will ever leave me.

His last will and testament was clear.

His sons were furious to find that he left me everything. The kingdom is mine. I own it all. And yet it feels empty and hollow.

I’m grateful that Guido and I still have a home, but I’m torn - staying in the mansion where we are clearly hated and not welcome - it’s not easy.

But I’ve been investigation and I’ve found out things that Giovanni failed to discover.

If he had - he might still be alive.

Santino hardly spends any time at home anymore. He is always at the church, studying, practicing, learning and following his new path towards becoming a Bishop.

The rain beats down on me from a dark grey sky. Lifting my face up towards it, I let the cold droplets splash over my cheeks and my closed eyelids. It’s nice to feel something - even if all it is, is coldness.

I’m hesitating. Reluctant to go inside and face him.

We haven’t spoken since the night his father died - when he made it clear I would face justice for what I did. My pleas fell on deaf ears. He refused to believe it wasn’t me.

Romeo is the one who constantly reminds me what they are all thinking.

The hatred.

The way they all despise me.

Even Dante has pulled away and refuses to speak to Guido .

My life has fallen apart with Giovanni. His death is something I’m not even allowed to grieve because I am being accused of murdering him.

But yesterday I found out who it was.

Whether it was brave or stupid of me - I messaged the one responsible and he made it clear that he was coming for all of them. For every single one of Giovanni’s sons. He made it clear that he would leave no male heir to take his throne.

Their lives are all in danger and I’m the only one who knows.

With a heavy breath I tug my coat tighter around my shoulders and shove my hands into my pocket. It’s time to face him, and hopefully he will listen.

The church is beautiful. The moment I walk inside I’m shrouded by a sense of calm, which intensifies the ache in my heart. It’s so quiet I can’t think of anything else but my pain.

It’s like this place was built as a space for us to face the things that hurt us the most, but to do so in safety. In quiet.

I swallow hard and walk towards the confession booth.

The heels of my stilettos click loudly on the stone floor, echoing up to the ceiling.

Stained glass windows splash colorful light onto the pews.

I slip into the booth and sit down.

The Bishop sits quietly on the other side of a mesh screen that obscures his face.

“What have you come to confess, child?” he asks, his voice deeper than I remember, perhaps broken from pain and loss.

“Six months ago I lost the man I love. He died righting front of me, and right in front of his sons. He was an incredible man, who deserved more than what happened to him.”

Santino recognizes my voice, and my story.

The tension in the air crackles, but he doesn’t move.

“I have been accused of his death.” I say tightly. “But I have proof that it wasn’t me. And I know who really murdered him - who sent that snake.”

Santino lets out a heavy, angry breath.

“I’m struggling because no one will believe me, but I need them to, because they are in danger as well. All of his sons are in danger. Someone is after our family, Santino. You have to help me keep them safe.” I beg, turning towards the mesh.

Santino lets out a low, deep growl and stands up.

“This confession is over.” He says coldly.

“Please, no, wait - Santino please, listen to me.” I beg.

He steps out of the booth and into the church and I hurry out of mine to stop him from leaving before I have a chance to explain everything.

I grab the sleeve of his gown and pull him to a stop.

His back is facing me, his shoulder set in tense agitation.

“Please, get your hands off me.” He says, a dark warning, hidden behind incredible restraint that he has been practicing over the past six months.

“Santino - I know killed your father. I know who is after the family.”

He spins to face me, his cheeks dark red as anger fumes through him.

“It was you, Zina. We all know it was you. How the fuck do you think you can convince me otherwise. You killed my father and now you’re here to try to manipulate me too. But I won’t fall for it - I’m not him.”

I swallow hard and fight the tears stinging in my eyes.

“It wasn’t me - “ I whisper in pain.

“It was.” He snaps, trying to turn away again.

“Your family is in danger.” I shout. I’m desperate now, desperate to make him believe me. “I need help to save them.”

He turns to face me again, and this time there is a terrifying smile painted across his lips.

He stares down at me, an ominous threat in the way he stands.

“My family doesn’t need to be saved from anyone - but you. You are the danger, Zina. You are the plague that crept into our home and took our father from us. It’s you.” He says with harshly clipped words.

“Stop being so blind.” I shout. My voice echoing further than I thought it would.

He snorts.

“No. I’m not blind. I see more than you’ll ever know. And I see you, Zina, I see right through you mask, right into the darkness of your heart.”

I take a step back, shaking my head. I can’t hold back the tears anymore. I can’t convince him. He won’t help me - that’s clear now.

I have to do this on my own.

Santino turns away from me and walks down the aisle, but he stops, talking over his shoulder he says, “Don’t come here again. You’re not welcome in this holy place.”

The heartache makes me want to collapse to the floor and sob, but I can’t be weak now. Even if he doesn’t believe me - I still plan to do everything in my power to keep him and his brothers safe from the very real threat looming over them.

The rain is falling harder outside, but I don’t run to my car. I let it soak through me, wishing it could wash away my hurt.

I’m scared to do what I have to do next, but what choice do I have? None.

In the car I pull my phone from my purse and with shaking fingers I dial his number.

His name flashes across my screen like an accusation.

Emiliano Maritz.

My king’s enemy.

“My angel.” His dark voice purrs into the phone, pressed against my ear.

“Emiliano.” I say, my throat tight around my words. “We need to speak. Do you have a moment?”

The low chuckle that spills through the line, vibrates through my chest, sending a shiver down my spine.

“For you, my beautiful queen, I have all the time in the world.”

I shiver in fear but push it aside and speak boldly.

“I know it was you.”

“Yes, I believe we’ve already discussed this.”

“You threatened the Rivas brothers.”

“I did.” He says, acknowledging my remark.

My heart is beating so loud I’m convinced he can hear it.

“What will it take to make you stop?”

He laughs again, like dark chocolate, overflowing -

“Stop laughing. Answer me.” I demand.

“Little bird, haven’t I made myself clear? Haven’t I asked you time and time again to be mine?” I can’t describe the sensations he sets alight inside me. Fear and anger, confusion–hatred.

I squeeze my eyes shut. I wasn’t entirely honest with Giovanni. I didn’t tell him everything, but at the same time - there was nothing to tell other than a story of a man, a king’s enemy, who was determined to win my heart - no matter how many times I turned him down. A man who sent me flowers that I returned. A man who sent me gifts that I threw away. A man who wrote letters and cards of the sweetest words - that I burned. Because I didn’t want that man. I wanted Giovanni.

“That’s not what this conversation is about, Emiliano. I want to know what it will take to keep the Rivas brothers safe from you. This isn’t a conversation about your undying love.” I’m angry, because every after years of trying, he refuses to accept my rejection.

Emiliano laughs warmly. “Little bird, every conversation about how much I love you. Every conversation is about how you belong to me and you just haven’t realized it yet. Why do you think I killed the king? Do you really think I would let have what belongs to me?”

“You - you killed him because of me?” I stammer.

“Yes, sweet thing. I killed him because he dared to touch you.” He snarls, his darkness showing.

“What do you want?” I demand, shouting into the phone.

“You.” He says simply. “If you give yourself to me, all of you, your heart, your love - your body - I will leave those boys alone. As long as you are at my side, the Rivas brothers will be safe.”

I sit in stunned silence trying to process his words.

It was about me, all this time, it was me he was after -

How did I not see it? How was I so blind?

“A queen must make sacrifices for the ones she loves, don’t you agree?” he asks.

I nod. “I agree.” I say, my voice is not my own. The words are not my own. I’m saying what I have to say to save the brothers.

“So, it’s settled then. You will be mine.”

I can barely speak I’m crying so much.

“I will be yours.” I stammer.

“I’ll make the arrangements, little bird. And don’t worry. I’ll be gentle.”