Page 18

EIGHTEEN

zina

A t breakfast Giovanni is watching Santino.

His son is glaring at me with hatred and I’m waiting for Giovanni to reprimand him.

I’m so tired of this back and forth. This endless game of accusation and coldness. If Santino is angry at anyone, it should be his father. His father is the one who cheated on his mother - not me. His father made that choice and hunted me like prey until I gave myself to him - only afterwards finding out he had a family.

I don’t deserve to be treated like this.

I sigh loudly and set my eyes on Giovanni, trying to convey my thoughts with my glare.

He clenches his jaw and refuses to understand me.

Santino continues to glare.

In a moment of frustration and defiance I glare back at Santino. “Why do you hate me so much?” I snap at him.

He snorts. But my direct confrontation has made him uncomfortable.

“Zina, not now.” Giovanni says, brushing his hand over my thigh beneath the table.

I shove his hand away. “Not now. Not ever. I am expected to just sit here and let people treat me however they want? With you being the biggest confusion in my life. IF there was at least one person who didn’t treat me with this hot and cold attitude, I thought I would be you.” I snap at Giovanni.

Standing up I shoot another look at Santino. “It takes two people, not one.” I say in anger.

Santino shakes his head. “I’m angry with my father as well, don’t think you’re special.”

“Oh don’t worry. I know I’m nothing special in this place.”

My last words are directed at Giovanni again. He makes me feel like nothing more than someone to entertain him - but only when he needs it. In the quiet, dark hours of the night.

I storm from the breakfast table, marching up the stairs two at a time, wanting the privacy of my own bedroom, not his.

Giovanni follow me, he’s right behind me as I walk into my room.

“Why did you make a scene at breakfast?” He asks, heated.

“I’m sick and tired of this, Giovanni. I’m tired of being chosen at night and discarded in the morning. I’m tired of you not knowing how you feel about me. It’s not fair - it’s not fair that you get to choose if you want to trust me. And all the while I’m losing faith in you. I’ve loved you since the day we first kissed. I never stopped. I never pushed you away and after all these years I came back - willing and wanting to try again.”

I pause to catch my breath. He doesn’t say a word.

“I came back - and you’re still playing the same game. Pulling me in with your lies, pushing me away with your actions. I’m not a toy. Make up your damn mind and stop treating my like I’m your play thing in private and nothing but an annoyance in front of other people.”

Giovanni takes a step away from me, his head hanging in defeat. He looks exhausted.

Looking up at me he pushes his fingers through his hair, brushing it out of his face. “I don’t know what to say.” He sighs.

“What?” I snap in disbelief. “Say you want me.”

“Zina - “

“No. Don’t you dare walk away. Tell me you want me. Tell me I’m worth fighting for. Can’t you see how much I’m fighting for you?”

“It’s not that simple.” He argues.

“Why? Because you think I’m some kind of threat to your family?” I blurt out.

He doesn’t answer - which means the answer is yes.

I reach out and grab the front of his shirt. “I’m your family.” I shout. “I’m a part of your family. I am the mother of your child. I live here with you - I am your family, Giovanni. ”

He steps away from me again. This time I don’t argue. I don’t fight him.

I’ve tried and I’ve said what I needed to say.

He has to choose now.

Giovanni walks away from me and my heart shatters in my chest. I press my hand over my ribs to try to push away the pain, but it’s deep inside me.

Tears spill down my cheeks.

I wish I knew what he was thinking or what he was feeling. I wish I knew how he saw me.

That night, still miserable about everything, I decide I can’t let this happen. I have to solve the riddle and prove to Giovanni that I am not the enemy. If that is the only way that I can convince him to love me - I will do whatever it takes.

I can’t be without him.

Picking up my phone I message the investigator, who up till this point hasn’t found a damn thing either.

Me: I have a suspicion that someone is watching the security footage in the estate - someone who shouldn’t have access to it. How can I check myself?

Ricardo: I can send you the link to install a program. But if you get caught - you didn’t get it from me. They will kill you.

Me: Send it.

Ricardo: Delete these messages.

Ricardo sends the link. I download the program and then as he requested, I delete the link and his messages.

An unfamiliar program blinks at me, a black screen with a green curser, flickering in a steady rhythm.

I click the dot at the top of the screen, and it asks me if I would like to connect to a network nearby. I click yes.

Within seconds the program is linked to the cameras. My heart races in panic, certain that someone is going to burst through the bedroom door and accuse me of being the hacker all along.

But nothing happens.

My breathing becomes slower and calmer and my heart returns to a normal pace. Still nothing has happened. They don’t know I’m able to watch them.

I click on one of the small camera views. The screen enlarges and I’m watching one of the cleaners move about the kitchen. I can hear the sound of water and plates knocking each other. I have sound.

I click back and click on a camera showing Santino. Instantly guilt floods me. I shouldn’t be spying on him, but I need to know the truth and that means I need to be ruthless in my pursuit of it.

“She needs to go.” Santino says, pacing up and down his room.

“How?” Romeo asks, picking up a book from the top of the dresser, finding it boring and returning it back to where he found it.

“Are you paying attention?” Santino snaps.

“Yes, dammit. I asked you how.” He says, defensive.

“We’ll have to make it look like an accident. If dad founds out we did this - he’ll never forgive us even though we’re doing the right thing.”

“You don’t just want to make her go away - you actually want to kill her.” Romeo says, but he doesn’t sound shocked or upset by this.

My heart is in my throat. I can’t swallow. I don’t even know if I’m breathing.

“Yes.” Santino replies without hesitation.

“And Guido ?”

“I haven’t decided.” He sighs.

“I don’t think we should. None of this shit is his fault. With his mother gone - well - he’ll just have to do as we say.” Romeo shrugs, and I’m seeing a completely new side to him. This is what they talk about. This is how he is in private with Santino. All this time I thought Santino was the only one against me, but I was so very, very wrong.

“When?” Romeo asks.

“I need a bit of time. But I think we should do this as soon as possible. Three nights from now. No matter what we decide - that will be her last night alive.”

“I’m with you.” Romeo says.

Santino nods and my blood runs cold.

I flick away from the screen.

I can’t process what I just heard, and despite it being devastating to me - it isn’t the reason I wanted to app.

I scroll through the security program until I find the separate monitor, rolling off data about who is connected and where from.

I watch it for a moment, the text constantly moving over the screen.

Movement. Patio 3. 11:23pm.

Movement. Kitchen. 11:23pm

Movement. Hallway. 11:24pm

I scroll up through the notifications until my throat tightens. There, this is what I wanted to see.

Connection. Internal, home network. Unknown device. 11:01pm.

That must have been me. That’s the time I connected to the system.

I scroll up further and my eyes lock onto the text.

Connection. External, unsecured network. Private. 10:14pm.

I click on the line of text.

The screen blinks next to what looks like an IP address.

Active.

Active.

Active.

Who is it?

Is Giovanni at home? Or is he out somewhere and watching the cameras as well?

How do I find out?

I have the confirmation right in front of me - but I don’t understand what it means.

I swipe my hand across the phone to take a screenshot of the IP address and connection information.

Then I bite at my lip.

If I take it to Giovanni, he will know I have this program installed. If it’s his connection, I’ve blown my cover and I won’t get a chance to find another connection.

He’s already angry with me.

This isn’t enough to prove anything.

I need more evidence. Evidence that can’t be questioned.

With a huff of frustration I throw my phone onto my bed and groan loudly. I need a break. I need a distraction. Something to clear my head.

Outside in the garden the evening air is crisp and cold against my skin.

It’s dark and peaceful and for a moment I close my eyes, taking a slow, deep breath. This is what I needed. Fresh air, a brush of cold to remind me that I’m alive.

My feet make no sound as I walk barefoot through the garden until I’m standing next to the massive swimming pool beneath Giovanni’s balcony, right outside his bedroom.

I turn to look up at the balcony - he’s not there.

No one is anywhere to be seen. I’m completely alone - and I love it.

An overwhelming sense of peace and quiet drifts over me.

The pool light is on and it’s making the water glow turquoise. It’s glitter in the darkness - so beautiful.

With a flutter of defiance I tug my t-shirt off. I drop it on the stone tiles next to the pool. I wiggle out of my pants and kick them aside, then glancing around me one more time I unclip my bra and push my down my legs.

Completely naked, the air is a lot colder. I giggle and wiggle my butt, a sense of mischievous freedom filling my heart.

With a bold leap, I dive into the glittering blue water.

The moment my body sinks beneath the surface my muscles release the tension they were holding so tightly.

The water is warm as I swim beneath the surface.

I’m a little disappointed. I wanted a shock of cold to rush through me - but this is so beautiful, so welcoming, I can’t complain. My lungs begin to scream for air, but I ignore it for a moment longer, my hair is floating around me like fire, the water is caressing my body.

Slowly, I let my body drift to the surface, and I take a deep breath as my lips touch air again.

Rolling onto my back I stare up at the stars.

There are so many of them. It makes me feel small.

I’m insignificant, one tiny life, in an ocean of glittering little pieces.

I can sense his gaze on me.

Without making it obvious, my eyes drift to the balcony and he’s standing there in the shadows, watching me.

Did he just get home now?

Does he know his sons plan to kill me? I don’t think so.

The heat of his gaze begins to pulse through my body and swim towards the steps. Sitting on the shallow one, I stretch my legs out across the surface of the water and tilt my head back.

If he’s watching - I may as well give him a show.

My hand dips between my legs, slipping inside me and my lips part in pleasure.