Page 136 of Kill for a Kiss

Sterling stands beside me, solid and silent. He doesn’t need to say anything. Everyone in the room already knows that he’ll be my shadow tonight.

We run the plan again and again until all routes and contingency plans are ingrained into our minds. Kaye’s clever jokes cut the tension. Stan plays it up for laughs. Damon drives each point home like he’s daring the mission to disobey him.

But the clock ticks by anyway. The gala is only some time away.

***

The last of the sun bleeds out over the trees when I slip outside for air. The woods behind the safe house feel thick around me, the chill sinking through my dress and brushing against my bare hand where my lace mask hangs from my fingers.

I close my eyes for a while, listening to the distant call of the crows and the rustle of wind over dead leaves. I can’t believe how fast timehas passed. It was early August when Sterling saved me. It’s late October now. And the wind carries the scent of the rain that’s halted, letting me breathe in the fresh breeze.

Soft footsteps draw closer from behind me. I turn and Lix is there. He hesitates like he’s not sure if he’s allowed to come closer. I smile to show him that he can. Of course he can.

Sterling watches from the porch. His presence is quiet at the edge of my awareness, steady as his heartbeat. He doesn’t move to interrupt. He trusts me. He trusts Lix.

I take a step toward my brother. Lix breathes in and closes the rest of the distance.

We stand there in the growing dark, brother and sister back together by stubborn hope, even though there’s so much I still don’t know, so much we might still lose tonight.

Lix shuffles his feet, scrubbing a hand through his hair. “You remember much?”

I shake my head. “Bits and pieces.”

His mouth tilts, not quite a smile. “I remember a lot. Not everything but enough. I’ve been sober since September, so a lot’s been coming back to mind.”

He looks up toward the sky, where the last light hangs heavy across the clouds.

“What I can’t remember is…our real names,” he says.

I wrap my arms around myself as if to ward off the hollow spaces of my memory. Inside my mind, two names hover, but they’re out of my reach.

Lix glances at me again, guilt clear on his face. “You gave yourself up,” he says unsteadily. “You—”

He sucks in a sharp breath. I hold out my hand and he takes it.

With my small nod, he continues, “You told her you’d do whatever she wanted. You made yourself her puppet, so I could get out.”

“I don’t remember that,” I whisper, breath caught. “I didn’t know.”

“I wasn’t supposed to either,” he says, almost a whisper too. “You didn’t want me to know. You wanted me to have a shot at a decent life. After the hell our parents put us through, you told me to live.”

I blink against the burn in my eyes, the cold air biting at the wetness gathering there.

“I swear to you, I tried,” Lix says, sounding broken. “Tried to stay gone. Tried to live like you wanted me to. But—” He drags his other hand over his face. “I couldn’t. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. How I left you behind.”

My thumb brushes his knuckles. He breathes in deeply.

“So I went back,” he says. “I found her. Begged her to let you go. Told her I’d trade places with you. Be whatever she needed if it meant you could be free.”

My heart thuds painfully in my chest.

“But you were already in too deep apparently,” Lix says. “The Kys. The programming. She told me pulling you out would break you worse than keeping you under. I should’ve known that was a lie.”

I close my eyes for a brief moment, feeling the weight of his words.

“So she made a new deal. You’d get privileges, protection, a softer leash.” His mouth twists bitterly. “And I’d be her gun.”

I watch him, seeing the guilt etch deep across his face.