Page 127 of Kill for a Kiss

Sterling tips his head back against the headboard. The blindfold clings to his skin now, soaked at the edges. His body shudders under the weight of what he’s telling me.

“She needed him out of the way,” he says. “She needed to know how to make it, to sell it, to control it. She needed your father gone.”

I move harder now, hips grinding with too much need to name. But there’s no name for this grief. No name for this fury. All I can do is bury it in motion. Hold us both here so the past doesn’t win.

His eyes are hidden behind the blindfold, but I know what’s underneath. I know what I’d see if I took it off. All the pieces he won’t show anyone else. And somehow, even through the horror of what he’s confessing, through the blood and fire and ruin that’s shaped us both, I don’t pull away. I won’t ever pull away from Sterling.

He lets me take what I need from him, however I need it. And I take everything. Because he’s mine. And I’ve always belonged to him, even when I didn’t know it yet.

The silence from our lips grows thick between us, stretched thin by the weight of everything we’ve said. Then he whispers, so quiet I almost miss it. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, Elle.”

His words rattle me harder than the storm does to the shack we’ve called home. But what I notice next rattles me more. The fabric over his eyes darkens, slow and wetter.

Tears. He’s crying, silent sobs that slip into the cloth and soak through. My heart caves in on itself. Because this is stoic, untouchable Sterling—cracked open in my hands, breaking without a fight, and letting me witness what no one else will ever see.

I lean in close. Forehead to his. Breath to breath. I don’t try for comfort. I don’t try for empty words, hoping they’d soothe us. There’s no mercy here or a fix for how our pasts played out.

Rocking slower on his lap, I slip my palms up to cradle his beautiful face. I catch the tears with my thumbs, dragging them away even as they keep falling. There are no words that can salve the pain we went through. Though, I can promise one thing that will always be true. “I’m here, Sterling. I’m not going anywhere.”

I keep moving. I think if I stop now, everything inside me might spill out and never find its way back. It keeps me present in this moment, giving us something whole in the middle of everything that’s broken.

Sterling stays still beneath me, holding my hips so tight as though he doesn’t trust himself to let go. His chest rises in stutters. His lips part like he means to speak, but nothing comes out.

I reach for the knot at the back of his head and loosen it, watching the blindfold slip away. His lashes are damp. His cheeks streaked. But his eyes are wide now, seeing me. And I see him too.

I ride him slower, rocking in a rhythm that feels like breathing. “You burned down the only life I knew,” I whisper.

He flinches as if expecting me to finish with acut. But I don’t.

“It needed to burn, Sterling. My parents weren’t good people.”

His whole body goes still. His teary eyes never leave mine.

“But you,” I say, chasing the thought before it disappears. “You never lied about who you are. You may have hidden, but I always saw you, Sterling. I’ve seen every part of you, even when you bury yourself in shadows, behind masks, or inside your silence.”

His hands slide up, his gray eyes stripped bare. Full of every ache he’s ever carried alone. He’ll never be alone again.

“I see you, Sterling, and I would walk through that fire again,” I whisper against his mouth, “if it meant finding you at the end of it.”

Sterling’s hands tense around me. He grits his teeth, tears still trailing down his cheeks and chin. “I love you, Elle.” He furrows his brows, searching my stunned gaze. “I love you,” he says again, sounding so devastated for such lovely words. “If I could go back… If I could take it all from you…”

I shake my head, my thumbs brushing away the remnants of his tears. “Sterling, you were never what I needed saving from.”

He groans a low sound. And when we fall apart together—when our bodies shatter—my heart feels full as much as it hurts. Sterling and I were twisted in burning ruins. But we’re here, surviving it together.

“My memories…” I gasp. “Sometimes I can’t see through the smoke—”

My voice fractures, but I don’t stop.

“Sometimes I’m so lost in it… So scared I’ll never find myself again.” I try to breathe through the fear. “But I always find my way back to you.”

He buries his face in my neck, breathing me in.

“That’s why…” I say. “I love you too.”

His breath is uneven against my skin. Eventually, our bodies slow, our breathing steadies.

Yet my heart thunders, same as his. “Stay with me,” he says, low and raw. “Please, Elle.”