Page 23

Sitting in Matty’s car, the air was thick with tension. Much like the drive over, Matty hadn’t spoken. He hadn’t said a word since we left the restaurant, and I was feeling uneasy about how I handled things.

His father set him up.

Olana set me up.

And not only that, I acted like a bulldozer and pulled Matty out of there before he had time to defend himself. He was like a rag doll being pulled in two directions, and I couldn’t help but wonder if I was just as bad as them. Was I controlling him in a different way?

My head was spinning, and my brain ached. I couldn’t shake off the feeling that I’d made things a hell of a lot worse for him. Although I said I wanted a divorce, I wasn’t so sure I felt the same way. Not after all of that.

I glanced over at him from the corner of my eye, and I didn’t know what to say. It felt like my entire world had been flipped upside down because of one short dinner. It didn’t matter how many times I told myself that things would be fine. Matty wasn’t expecting a child and he wasn’t engaged, I still felt anxiety creeping up my throat. He wasn’t the problem. I was. I was the one who screwed things up, not him.

I was unwilling to talk, too worried that my heart would be broken, all the while, I broke Matty’s. All the conversations we’d had during the semester came tumbling back into my mind, and I was ashamed of the way I’d acted.

Why had I listened to Olana in Vegas? I took her words at face value because she was in his room wearing his shirt, but what if nothing happened? She’d tricked me about the pregnancy, so I had no doubt that she’d lied about everything else.

Would this entire mess have been avoided if I’d stayed? Would my marriage to Matty have started off differently? Was I a victim of the butterfly effect? Had all of this happened because I was so unwilling to talk to my husband?

But then I remembered that night.

Prickles of tears burned my eyes.

She was in his room, wearing his shirt. The blankets were all over the place, and he was in the shower. How could I not think they’d gotten back together when that’s what they always do? I didn’t know what was true and what wasn’t anymore.

Something happened between them that night. Something after he was with me, and I still didn’t know what.

As we pulled up to my dorm block, I glanced up to my floor and felt uneasy. I didn’t know where we went from here. Matty opened his door and rounded the car to open mine and held his hand out. An offer to help me out even though he still hadn’t looked at me, and I wasn’t going to force him. There were too many people in Matty’s life thinking they could control him. I didn’t want to be that.

As I took his hand and got out of the car, the chilly breeze drifted across my bare legs. “Thank you,” I mumbled, trying to ignore the fact my body was warming at the touch of our hands. My stomach bottomed out. My chest constricted, and suddenly, the only thing I could think about was how much I wanted his hands all over me. For the first time since Vegas, I didn’t try to stop it. I let the feeling of wanting him radiate through my body with no guilt.

But nothing was likely to happen between us. Not soon, at least. How could it? I’d yelled at his dad and ex.

As if I needed any more confirmation of that fact, Matty let go of my hand, shutting the door in the process.

Why did this feel so weird?

We were standing together with nothing to say. That had never happened to us before. We were always friends, but now it felt like we were strangers.

I opened my mouth, ready to tell Matty he deserved better than the way his father and Olana treated him, but I couldn’t get it out. I needed to know what he was thinking first, but he hadn’t said a damn thing.

“Oh!” I opened my bag and pulled out the crumpled piece of paper, trying to hold back my somber laugh. Our marriage certificate was crumpled and ripped in places. Much like our relationship, it had been battered and bruised, and I wasn’t sure it would hold up to any more scrutiny, but I held out hope.

His green eyes watched the paper as it moved with the breeze. “Can’t forget this. The sole reason we went out tonight.”

“Right,” he said, taking it off me, then opened the car so he could throw it back in there. He slammed the door shut, making me jump.

“I guess I’ll see you—”

Without giving me any time to finish, he put his hand on the small of my back and directed me to the building. “Let me walk you up.”

He ushered me forward, and even though I was walking, I raised my hands and shook my head. “Oh, don’t worry. I can go up on my own. It’s fine. I do it all the time.” I flashed him a forced smile, but he hadn’t seen it because he was back to looking at his feet.

“What if I want to?” His voice was low but assertive. I almost felt like my best friend was back.

“O-okay.” I stumbled a little before gaining my footing and let Matty lead me through my dorm block, his hand acting as a warm, calming presence.

When we were at my front door, I turned back to Matty. I should say good night, but the words were caught in my throat. I didn’t want him to go. Pointing my thumb over my shoulder, I said, “Do you want to come in for a drink?”

He looked between me and the door before saying, “I’d love too.”

His smile was sad as I nodded. At least he was thinking the same thing as me. We didn’t want to be separated right now.

When I opened the door, I screamed, clutching my chest, and my heart nearly beat out of it.

“Erik? What are you doing here?”

Erik gave me an easy smile before scratching the back of his head and looking at my roommate’s door. “Beanie Girl. Marty. Good to see you both again.”

“Are you here to see me?” I asked, feeling somewhat embarrassed that I hadn’t tried talking to him after the Players’ Ball, but to be fair, I had to figure out my own marriage before I tried to explain it to a random hockey player.

He chuckled and glanced over at Lydia’s room again. “No. I, uh, was waiting for your roommate.”

“You’re here to see Lydia? How do you two know…” It hit me. “Oh. Are you—”

“No,” he said. “Well.” He rolled his eyes to the ceiling and took in a sharp breath. “I don’t know.”

“Oh.”

My lips turned down. I didn’t know what to think. Erik had hooked up with her after trying hard to get with me. I wasn’t upset about it, but wow, at least I knew I didn’t break his heart or anything.

Lydia opened her door, ready to go out for the night, and took a sharp breath when she saw the three of us standing in the living room. When she locked eyes with Erik, her lip curled into a snarl. “What the hell are you still doing here?”

Erik held his hands out, watching her desperately. “I wanted to talk.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

Erik scoffed. “I beg to differ.”

“Unbelievable. I knew I should have stuck to baseball players; they don’t do stupid shit like this. I’m being stalked by some idiot who’s been hit in the head with a puck too many times.” Lydia slammed her door shut, shimmied her skirt down, and stomped past me. “Have a good night, Britt,” she said before leaving the room.

Erik’s gaze followed her, and he smiled when she slammed the front door. “Feisty, isn’t she?” He wiggled his eyebrows as his grin grew wider.

“I didn’t know you even knew each other.”

“We didn’t until I came over to talk to you about whatever the hell is going on between the two of you.” He gestured to Matty and me. “Wanted to let you know that I wasn’t going to stand in the way, but obviously, I was giving myself too much credit there, anyway.”

“Yeah, uh.”

Erik raised his hand. “No need to explain. I get it. Like I said, I’m all about shooting my shot when I get the opportunity. I tried, it didn’t work, but now if you don’t mind, I’d really like to shoot my shot with your roommate.”

“Wow,” I said. “Good luck. She doesn’t seem interested.”

“And that’s the best part about her.” He almost skipped past us in the pursuit of my roommate, and I couldn’t stop myself from watching in awe.

“He got over you fast,” Matty said, watching the door shut.

“He was never really that interested in me.” I smiled softly and gestured to the sofa. “Do you want to take a seat?” He nodded, and as Matty made his way to the couch, I headed to the fridge, getting us a couple of bottled waters before sitting on the other end.

The awkwardness in the room clung to the air, and after taking a sip of my water, I dusted off the lint on my dress. Matty wasn’t talking, and I knew it was because I was out of line. I shouldn’t have yelled at his dad, but I couldn’t sit there listening to them berate him any longer. My senses were on high alert as I waited for Matty to unleash some hidden fury on me.

“Matty,” I sighed his name as we sat next to each other, staring at the blank TV screen. “I’m, I’m sorry,” I blurted out, and cringed. Why couldn’t I be normal around him?

“For what?” Finally, he looked at me for longer than five seconds. His eyes were so dark they almost looked black.

I huffed out a laugh. “For everything. For the way I spoke to your father.” Biting my bottom lip, I closed my eyes. “And to Olana.”

“Britt.” The way he said my name was heartbreaking. It made me feel things I’d lost so long ago. Things like hope. Things like belonging. Things like this was it.

He moved down the couch, and cupped my cheek, coaxing me to look at him.

His eyes were deep green and glassy. I couldn’t decipher his expression as he watched a single tear drop down my cheek, using his thumb to wipe it away. We were so close to having everything, but somehow, it still felt like the Pacific Ocean was separating us.

“Please don’t be sorry.” His touch soothed me in ways it shouldn’t, but it had been such a rough night, I would let myself be comforted by it. Even if it was just this once. “That was the most badass thing I’ve ever seen someone do, and the best part about it was you did it for me.”

“What?”

“No one has ever stood up for me like that. You were passionate. You were fiery. You were my fucking wife, and I’ve never been prouder of anyone.”

Those words. It was all I wanted to hear over the last few hours. That he was okay with what I did. Matty leaned in, and just as our lips were about to meet, I couldn’t do it. Taking in a sharp breath, I pushed him away.

“What’s wrong?” he whispered.

I leaned my head against his and toyed with the edges of his shirt. “Matty, I love you so much.”

“So do I.”

“I don’t think I can do this, though.”

His eyes dropped, and my stomach turned. I was sending so many mixed messages, but something didn’t feel right. We’d rushed into things last time, and I didn’t want to make the same mistake.

“Do what exactly?” he murmured.

I looked at him for all of two seconds before chickening out and staring at my bottled water.

“This.” I pointed between us. “Because after tonight and everything that happened between us, I think you need some time to be just you. I didn’t realize how bad things were with your father and Olana. I mean, I knew she was tricky, but I didn’t realize she was a manipulative bitch.” I placed my hand on his knee and continued. “I think you need to spend some time understanding yourself before you jump into a new relationship with me.”

“I would hardly call us a new relationship, considering I’ve been in love with you since the minute I knocked my s’more into yours.” He thought about it for a minute and raised his brow while chuckling. “Well, actually, I guess if I’m being completely honest with myself, I fell in love with you the minute I saw you sitting next to the fire. With an untied shoelace, you looked like a frightened deer ready to bolt if anyone came to talk to you.”

My eyes lit up, and my chest cracked open. I wanted him. I wanted him so badly, but I didn’t want to be a rebound. I wanted forever.

“Doesn’t change the fact that we can’t do this. Not right now at least.” I dropped my gaze. It all seemed like the right thing to say, but when the words came out, I felt regret. Pushing away the guy I loved wasn’t right, but neither was kissing or having sex with him when he hadn’t worked through all the shit from tonight.

“Where did the Britt go from dinner? The one that was willing to fight for me and told me she’d wear my mother’s ring?”

“That Britt woke up to the reality that you need to focus on figuring out who you are. I want you to be damn sure you want to be in a relationship with me before we end up in a never-ending breakup cycle like you and Olana. I want you to figure out what you want in your life before you invite me in.”

“You,” he stated, placing his hand on mine. “All I want is you. Believe me, I’ve known it for the longest time. I’ve tried to ignore it. Hell, I set you up with my best friend because I hoped that it would make me forget about you. Obviously, it didn’t. Nothing will, Britt. I love you.”

Lifting my hand, he slowly kissed each knuckle, watching my reaction. Flutters of pleasure tingled through my body, and I was halfway to saying, “Fuck it” and letting Matty have his way with me.

“I love you, Matty.”

“I love you too.”

“But I’m not prepared to be a rebound.”

“What about tonight makes you think you’re a rebound in any way? You’re my first choice. Always have been.”

Even though everything he was saying sounded good, there was still something niggling in the back of my mind.

“Even if that’s true, I need you to take this time and confirm it. I can’t be worried about whether you’re growing tired of me or you’ve realized, much like Olana, that you don’t want me anymore.”

“Please stop bringing her up. Olana is irrelevant in this situation. She did some shitty thing to the both of us, and I’m angry that it’s now making you doubt what we have.”

“And what exactly do we have? I’m your wife because you were having too much fun in Vegas and high on the idea of being with someone other than Olana.”

“Is that really what you think?” I remained tight-lipped. “Well, you have to know that’s completely inaccurate. I’m obsessed with you. You’ve been my best friend for over three years. I know you. You know me.” He pressed my hand to his heart. “You own this. You always have. You’re my wife, and I’ll fight until my dying breath to keep it that way.”

“Matty,” I sighed out. “We’ve done things all wrong. We got married before we even had a chance to date. Not to mention your ex has been hanging over us the entire time. This isn’t how I expected things to go between us.”

“Do you want to date? Is that it?”

“Maybe?” I was uneasy, unsure of how to put it into words. “I think we should slow it down so you have time to think about what you want.”

“Slow it down?”

“Yeah.” He took a deep breath, relaxing against the couch. “So maybe we should go on dates and get to know each other. No kissing, though.”

His brows furrowed, his lips pressing together. “This sounds a lot like you want to go back to being friends.”

“No. I want to go on dates. Watch movies. Hang out.”

“That’s pretty much what we used to do before.”

“Fine. We can kiss, but no sex.”

His brows raised, and when I pinned him with a glare, he sighed. “Fine. We’ll slow it down, Wifey.” My shoulders relaxed. He was sounding like the old Matty. My Matty. “We won’t have sex tonight, even though the only thing I’ve been able to think about since we left dinner is how good your tight little pussy would feel choking my cock.”

I gasped, my head whipping to Matty as a shot of pleasure tingled to my center at the thought of it. He shrugged. “You said no kissing. You didn’t say anything about dirty talk.”

His gaze swept over my body. “I guess I won’t be able to make love to you until you realize you’re it for me.”

“Okay.”

“It’s long overdue, though. Like, getting close to four years too long.”

“Sure,” I drawled out, almost feeling a little regretful that I pushed him so hard when his words sounded sincere, and all I wanted was him.

“But I will show you how much tonight meant to me.”

“Ok—” I was halfway through a nod when I really listened to his words. Matty was grinning at me when I opened my eyes.

What does he mean?

“Get in your room,” he commanded, and for some stupid, lovestruck reason, my feet complied before I thought about the consequences.

Standing in the middle of the room with trembling legs, I watched as Matty made his way over. When he shut the door, his eyes roamed by body, admiring me.

“You’re fucking gorgeous,” he said, taking a few steps closer. “Turn around.”

“Matty, what are you doing?”

“Following orders. Now, will you follow mine?”

Our eyes connected, and for some stupid reason I complied.

So much for taking things slow. I was already acting like a lapdog.

I heard his feet shuffle forward before his warm palm touched my arm, stroking my skin all the way to my neck. He gathered my hair and tucked it over my shoulder. Then his deft hand found my zipper on the back of my dress and pulled it down.

As the fabric loosened across my skin, so did any inhibitions I had. I should’ve stuck to my morals, I should’ve kept him out of my bedroom.

As the fabric fell to the floor, Matty left a kiss on my shoulder.

I tensed, knowing there was only one way this was going to go. “Relax,” he said, placing another kiss at the same spot. “You said no sex, but you explicitly said we could kiss.”

I turned to look at him, then wagged my finger in his face. “You better not be trying to use a technicality on me. I said no sex. I meant it.” But really, if we were being honest here, I was already standing in my underwear, expecting something to happen. Wanting something.

He focused his attention on my finger, wrapped his hand around it, and pushed it away. “Don’t worry. As much as I want to eat your pussy until you scream, I won’t. It doesn’t count as a kiss.”

His words didn’t act as much of a reassurance as I thought they would. Maybe it was due to the twinkle in his eyes.

He glanced down at my purple lacy bra. “Have I ever told you how fantastic your tits are?”

“You’ve mentioned it a few times, yes.”

“Have I told you how much I want to lick your nipples until you come?”

I took in a sharp breath. “Matty.”

“Britt,” he mimicked. “Take everything off.” When I shot him a warning glance, he raised his hands. “I know. I know. No sex, but give me something to think about when I’m jerking myself off tonight. Please?”

I removed my bra, and Matty licked his lips. “I can’t wait until I’m allowed to touch those.” Then I dipped my thumbs into my lace panties at the sides, and Matty tutted, using his finger to make a circle. “Turn around, please.”

And just as I did it, he groaned. “Fucking perfect. Always.” When I wasn’t facing him, he said, “Pull it down.” Then I bent forward to take it off, and his hands rested on my ass as he moved forward so I could feel his erection against it.

“Get on the bed before I ignore everything I promised and fuck you senseless.”

My core tightened at the thought of Matty’s cock inside me. We still hadn’t gone all the way, and I was so desperate to know how it would feel.

I laid back on the bed, watching Matty as he stood at the end.

“Open your legs.”

I should have been self-conscious, but with Matty’s hungry glare on me, I felt powerful and wanted. I watched as his eyes traced over my center, and an ache I couldn’t control was building inside me.

“Mhmm.” His approval went straight to my core and I wondered if he could see how aroused this entire thing made me. Matty fully clothed, watching me as I writhed on the bed, begging him to touch me, but not allowing him to at the same time.

“Play with your tits,” he commanded, my hands smothering my chest as I flicked my nipples. My back arched as the need for relief at my center grew stronger.

Matty’s eyes flittered between my pussy and my tits, watching as I pleasured myself.

It wasn’t enough to get off. I needed more, and although I had a desperate need to close my legs and rub them together, I didn’t. I doubted Matty would allow it, so I pinched my nipples a little harder, flicking the pain away and imagining it was Matty’s tongue soothing me.

“What are you thinking about, wife?” he asked, towering over me as he watched from the end of the bed.

“You. I’m always thinking about you,” I admitted on a breathless whisper, too lost in how hot I felt with his gaze on me to care about how desperate I looked.

“Do you think about me when you’re alone in your room like this?”

“Mm-hm.” Words and thoughts were a little hard to formulate as I continued to play with my breasts.

“What am I doing?”

“Playing with my pussy,” I said breathlessly, my hips were gyrating as I thought about the last time he touched me like that.

“How am I playing with you?”

“With your fingers, your tongue, your cock. Everything. Just like the first night.” I pulled at my nipples, chasing a high I knew wouldn’t come without more stimulation.

“Play with your clit.” As if I’d lost control over myself, I brought my hand down to my center and frantically circled my nub, and the rush of pent-up pleasure worked its way through me.

Matty leaned down so close to me that I could feel his breath across my opened thighs, adding an entirely new dimension to this.

My chest heaved, my body was on the brink and watching him, watch me made the entire thing that much hotter. No one had ever seen me like this before.

“Push a finger inside your soaking wet pussy, Britt. I want to watch you fuck yourself while you think about me.”

I did as he said and moaned when I felt the penetration. If I watched Matty, I could almost pretend it was his finger inside me instead of my own. Unfortunately, mine lacked the thickness to feel like the real thing, but with his breath against me, it almost didn’t matter.

“Add another.”

As always, I complied, adding another finger and using my palm to stimulate my clit while my fingers worked me from the inside.

“You’re struggling, aren’t you?”

I groaned.

“Fuck, you look so hot right now, Wifey. Dripping wet for me and aching for my cock. Why are you putting yourself through this? Why don’t you let me touch you?”

I didn’t answer, too hot on the feeling of his breath blowing against me to want it to end. He hadn’t touched me yet, but when his shoulder’s knocked against my knees, opening me up even more, I was so close to coming.

“That’s it, Wifey. Add another finger.” I did as he asked, the slickness of my arousal the only noise we could hear.

“So hot.”

I clenched around my hand, trying to hold back my orgasm when two more fingers pushed into me.

“What the—”

To say it was a tight squeeze would be an understatement.

“Matty!” I cried, half-delirious as his fingers pushed mine further inside.

“You can take it. I know you can.”

I let out a choked moan of pleasure as my fingers went deeper than they’d ever been before. Four fingers were inside me. I was so full, and it felt so good.

“Matty.” I was going to come. I knew it, but just as my body was about to hit the precipice, Matty pulled his fingers out and raised his hand, inspecting the sheen of wetness left across them. “I’m sorry, Wifey. I got a little carried away there. I shouldn’t have done that.”

Finally, he locked eyes with mine and grinned. “You were close, weren’t you? I could tell by the way you clenched our fingers.”

“Just take me,” I cried out, not willing to wait any more. I’d already given in.

He flicked his gaze to my pussy and bit his bottom lip. “As much as I want to taste your pussy again, I think I have a better idea that won’t go against your wishes. Going slow. That’s what you want.”

He pulled his phone out, then walked to the side of the bed. Instinctively, I covered up, and he looked up at me with furrowed brows, then dropped his phone. “Oh, did you think I was going to film you?” I didn’t have to say anything for him to know the answer. “Wifey, if we were going to do something like that, I’d be setting up a 1990s VHS camcorder. There’s no way I’m risking my computer getting hacked and sharing your perfection to the world, but I sure as hell would be purchasing a VCR so we could watch it.”

Urgh, he had to say that, didn’t he? My clit was throbbing from the lack of stimulation. The need to touch myself again was getting harder to ignore, but when he opened the drawer next to my bed and pulled out the rose vibrator, I gasped.

“Ah, I’ve been waiting to try this.” He pressed the switch, making it come to life. Sure enough, that little tongue was flapping and the thick dildo stem started pumping. The hum of the vibration changed with every swipe of his phone.

“Did you hack my dildo?”

He laughed. “No. I mean, I could have if I wanted to, but I didn’t need to. This thing has Bluetooth, so I set it up on my phone while you were in the shower that time I heard you fucking it,” he said as he walked back around the bed so he was between my legs. Oh my god, he had heard me. Did that mean he heard me calling out his name? “The app doesn’t do too much; it just controls the intensity.” His eyes connected with mine. “But I might have added a few features to the software so I’d be alerted when you turned it on and off.”

“That sounds a lot like you did hack my dildo?”

“Hacking just makes it sound a lot more menacing than it is. I merely just wanted to know when my wife was horny. That’s all.”

I closed my eyes because the implication of his words wasn’t lost on me. “Matty, please don’t tell me you’re the reason that’s been malfunctioning every time I’ve tried using it?”

He shrugged before placing the center of the rose against my clit, making me cry out in pleasure. “Maybe.” I glared at him with shock. “I only want you playing with yourself when I’m around to watch,” he said, but I couldn’t answer. “And since the security cameras are only in the hallway of the dorm, there was no point hacking those.”

My head was spinning. I felt delirious. It was the first time the slow laps of the flap felt nice. Over and over, it did something similar to Matty’s tongue, and I popped my eyes open to check he wasn’t assisting.

“Relax, wife. If I’m not allowed to touch you, at least let me help you. Hold this here.” He directed my hand to the rose, then fiddled with the stem before pushing it inside of me.

I couldn’t breathe.

My eyes rolled back. Shit. “This feels so good.” Matty played with something on his phone before he dropped it on the bed and crawled over me.

He was still in all his clothes and between my thighs, and his hands held him to where we weren’t touching. He leaned forward, giving me the gentlest of kisses, and as he pulled away, I gasped.

The toy was pulsing inside me now, and with Matty towering above me, it almost made me feel like we were having sex.

Matty’s hand reached between us, and he pushed the lapping center against my clit, turning up the intensity.

My body was short-circuiting, and I couldn’t think straight.

“Feel good, wife?”

Why did the way he said wife have to turn me on so much? And wasn’t it damn obvious that I was in the throes of pleasure?

Matty’s body moved above me in the same motion as the dildo, and it felt so much like we were having sex that it was all it took to get me off.

Waves of pleasure crashed through my body as I called out Matty’s name.

“Beautiful,” he said, kissing me on the nose before standing up and taking me in from above.

Although the toy was still inside me, Matty had stopped the movement, so I was lying in a pool of my own arousal.

“Pull the toy out,” he said, focused on my center.

I did as he requested, but it was a little lackluster and limp. I was too tired for much else.

He gripped my wrist, bringing the bright-pink toy closer to him. I wanted to be embarrassed that he was inspecting the wetness, but I couldn’t be. I was too blissed out.

With that, he swiped his finger across the part that had been inside me, then brought his finger to his mouth, tasting me. “Delicious,” he said with a smile before dropping my hand and adjusting his shirt. Without another word, he went back to the desk, grabbed his wallet, then headed for the door.

“Wait, where are you going?” I asked, but in all honesty, I wasn’t sure if it was audible. My brain was fuzzy, and I was well and truly satiated.

“Home.”

“Why?”

I closed my legs, and although I was feeling wrecked from what we just did, I couldn’t hide the disappointment.

“You told me I wasn’t allowed to touch you, and the only thing I’m interested in doing at the moment is proving to you that I can listen and will do whatever it takes to be taken seriously. I want you, Britt. For the long-term, and I’m willing to do anything I can to prove that.”

“O-okay.”

“Now, I’m going to plan out all the things I need to do, to do just that. Will you be a good girl and wait for me?”

“Uh, yes.”

“Great. Have a great sleep, Britt.”

And like that, I watched him go. What else could I do? I was naked and still wet for him, but he didn’t want to give me anything else. Not yet at least.