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Throwing the doors open to Covey’s Cantina, I was vibrating with anger. Why the fuck was she always ruining everything for me?

Olana dug her heels into the ground. I had no doubts she wanted to make a show of our argument and turn Britt off me entirely.

The doors to the bar shut, leaving us in relative quiet, and I could do nothing but glare at her.

She stared back at me, her lips twitching as she raised her eyebrows, pretending she was oblivious to the fact that she was ruining my life.

“Matty. What was that all about?” Her voice was cool as she touched my arm.

I backed away, slinking out of her hold. She’d lost the privilege to touch me a long time ago.

“What the fuck are you doing, Olana?” I gritted out, and she laughed, throwing me a timid, innocent smile. The same one she’d been using on me ever since she told me about her pregnancy.

The same pregnancy she was now using to manipulate me into doing everything for her, knowing I couldn’t back down. Not after all the history between us.

Growling, I slammed my hand against the brick, and the pain prickled across my palm, but I didn’t care. I could hit that brick until my hand broke. It didn’t matter. I still wouldn’t have Britt. I’d still be stuck in this same shitty situation.

“Matty. Calm down,” Olana said as she tried one more time to reach me. I turned away this time, and took a few deep breaths, annoyed at just how easily she could rile me up.

“How much did you drink tonight?” I asked, knowing that was one of the things the doctors told her she shouldn’t do.

“Surprised you even care,” she muttered.

Letting out a breath, I turned back to her. Her hands were fidgeting by her stomach and her bottom lip was trembling so much she was using her teeth to try to stop it. Guilt pinged in my chest, but I wouldn’t let it control me this time.

Britt might not have realized it yet, but she was mine. She could try to resist it and date other guys, but I was getting her back. Or, I guessed, I was getting her.

“I still care about you, Olana.” It was halfhearted because she made it difficult.

“But you don’t love me anymore, do you?”

She was met with silence. How could I? Frankly, after being with Britt, I was almost certain I never loved Olana to begin with. She was a high school girlfriend I clung to for too long because being with her made me feel like things hadn’t changed. Like my mom was still here. Like my dad hadn’t started going to bars when he thought I was asleep. Like everything was okay.

I’d been sleepwalking through life, letting Olana drag me along, and it was only now, being with Britt, I realized how much more I wanted for myself.

Olana shook her head, laughing incredulously. I was certain my facial expression told her everything she needed to know. Her bottom lip quivered, and she looked down at the concrete. Sometimes she made me feel like I was a terrible person when I was only telling her the truth.

“I knew it.”

I closed my eyes, ready for her outburst. We’d had arguments like this before. She was used to me giving in, but I couldn’t this time. Not with what was at stake.

Not just for me, but for her and Britt. When Olana dropped that bombshell in Vegas, she expected it to be her smoking gun to getting me back, but she’d lost her touch. I could finally see through my rose-tinted glasses and recognize the manipulation. We weren’t supposed to be together, but that didn’t mean I would just leave her to handle things on her own.

My mom wouldn’t want me to do that, and I’d do everything I could to protect her memory.

“Why were you drinking tonight, Olana?”

She looked down, refusing to meet my gaze. “I know I shouldn’t have and it was wrong, but what do you expect me to do? I’m on my own, and I need help.”

“I already told you I’d help you financially.”

“But emotionally? Who have I got to help me there?”

I bit back the words I wanted to say. She’d driven every friend from high school away, and now she was coming to me, bitching about that fact. It wasn’t my fault she constantly played the victim and people got sick of it.

“I can arrange a therapist for you.”

She laughed bitterly. “Is that really what you think I need?”

“That’s all I can give you, and I would appreciate it if you would stop following me everywhere.”

“I’m not following you.”

“That’s a joke, right? What were you doing here tonight?”

Her lack of response gave me the answer I needed.

“You showed up at my friend’s wedding in Vegas and blindsided me with some pretty huge news. You can’t do this and expect me to fall on my knees and support you without a second thought all the time.”

She raised her hands. “What did you expect me to do? You won’t answer my calls or texts. You didn’t come back home for the summer, and I had to come to Vegas because it was the only time I knew where you were. It wasn’t like my news could wait.”

My news. Always so selfish. Always about her.

“You need to give me time and space, Olana. Wait for me to respond to things. I’m figuring out how I can support you best. You want a house? Fine. I’m in the process of finding you one. You want someone to talk to. I’ll find you the best goddamned therapist in the country, but what I won’t do is sit here and pretend that we’re the same people we were in high school anymore. You know damn well why we’ll never be together again.”

She paused. Her eyes wide and her mouth parted.

“When did things change?”

I looked up to the sky, groaning. I didn’t want to have this conversation. I’d done enough talking with Olana for a lifetime.

“I think it was probably right after I found you sleeping with my old teammate from high school.”

She shook her head. “No. You can’t keep using that excuse on me. I made a mistake. I slept with someone. I own that. But you’ve been distant for years. I acted out because it’s the only way I can get your attention. If I don’t push you into action, you don’t do anything.”

Interesting observation. She tried caressing my arm, but I flinched and backed away. My flesh crawled before she got anywhere near me.

“Don’t touch me.”

“Matty.”

“No, Olana. You’re not going to make me feel sad about something that’s already been fixed. Now, if you don’t mind, I need to go back in there and speak to Britt.”

I turned, ready to leave Olana in the parking lot.

“I didn’t want to say anything, but I spoke to your dad.”

I stopped, and as I turned to look at her, she stepped back, almost as if she was worried about my reaction.

“What did you do?”

She raised her hands. “Don’t get angry. You weren’t talking to me, so I figured you definitely weren’t talking to him, and he needed to know what was going on.”

“He didn’t need to know a damn thing.”

“Yes, he did. I know he’s not your favorite person in the world right now, but your family has been like my family for years. He’d want to know what’s happening.”

I shook my head. My body was so full of anger with no way to dispel it. She talked to my father. She knew how I felt about him and still went behind my back and did it anyway.

“He, uh, told me you haven’t called him in a while. Look, I know things got tough after Evelyn died, but cutting off the only person left in your family isn’t going to help you.”

I bit my tongue until a metallic tang burst into my mouth. She was pushing me to places I’d never gone before. I was angry. Livid, even, yet she just stood there, taking in my reaction like she was waiting for something to happen.

“We think there’s something going on with you that we don’t know about.”

We? She was talking as though she and my father were working together. Although, it seemed they both wanted to hold me down at any opportunity.

“You know why I haven’t spoken to him,” I gritted out. He forgot about me the minute Mom passed away, and hated the fact I was the only reason he couldn’t sell our house and use the money to drink himself to death.

“Matty, that’s not true. He just wants to talk to you, and I think it’s the decent thing to do.”

“Stop it.”

“Stop what?”

“Stop trying to control my life!” I yelled, finally able to speak my truth. She wouldn’t control me ever again.

“I’m not doing that.”

“You sure? Because you clearly don’t understand boundaries, or are you so invested in needing to control the situation that you don’t care?”

Her brows rose and she let out a huff as she shook her head. “I think it’s you that doesn’t know appropriate boundaries, and while you’re at it, a lesson in obligations wouldn’t hurt.”

“Obligations? You’re really going to pull that one on me? When I’m doing everything I can to help you?”

“Not everything.”

Shaking my head, I felt like I was stuck in a grave. Six feet under with no way out. “Olana…” I was doing my best to remain calm. “I care about you. I always will. I’m trying to give you everything you need to help you through this because I only want what’s best for you. But what’s best for you isn’t what’s best for me, or us. I can’t give you what you want.”

When I tried to look her in the eyes, she dropped her gaze to the ground. It was the most honest I’d ever been with her, and really, this caused most of our fights when we were together. We weren’t meant to be and dragging this out wasn’t helping anyone.

She wiped her nose with her palm, sniffling. “You and I used to have so much fun together. Do you remember?” I wanted to ask her when, but nitpicking didn’t feel appropriate.

When she finally looked up, a single tear slid down her left cheek.

“Olana. Don’t cry.”

“I’m not,” she said, swiping away the tear. “I just wish you’d take me more seriously when I say that I want to work things out with you.” She took my hand, drawing me in.

I stepped forward, and her face went from a frown to a small smile, then faltered. Did she think she’d won again? I sighed, ready to tell her the truth about Vegas when the doors to the bar opened. Laughter spilled out, and I knew who was coming without looking. It was only when I heard the deeper laugh combining with hers that I looked.

I couldn’t help myself.

And fuck.

Right there in front of me Britt and Erik were walking out of the bar, hand in hand, laughing away like they were besties. What the fuck was I doing with my life? I was chasing after a girl who was clearly happy without me, and crushing the soul of another who I’d known since high school.

I caught Britt’s eye, but she quickly turned away.

“Wow.” Olana’s voice was suddenly deeper. Harsher with less emotion. “Really? You’re going to just gawk at her with me right here?”

“I thought you were upset?” I squinted at her. Sometimes she gave me whiplash with her emotions. Gone were the glassy eyes and the insecurity. In their place was a confident, slightly obnoxious girl no one liked.

“I was until I realized it doesn’t matter how I act. You’ll always be emotionally cheating on me.”

She threw it back at me. The same thing she always did when I didn’t fall in line with whatever crap she was trying to hurl my way. “Emotionally cheating? Do you really want to talk about emotional cheating, because after I found you sleeping with that idiot teammate of mine, do you know what I did?”

She shook her head.

“I checked your phone.” She didn’t need to ask how. “You’d been cheating on me since we started dating in high school.”

She pursed her lips. “You can’t prove that.”

“I sure can. Not that I want to. Not anymore.”

“Matty.” Her jaw was clenched, and she stepped toward me. No. No. No. This wasn’t happening again. I wouldn’t let Olana ruin any potential chance I had with Britt. No matter how small it was.

“She’s never going to want you, you know?” Olana’s words were so on point with what I thought that I wasn’t sure if she’d actually said them out loud. When I glanced at her, she stared back at me with an air of defiance.

“Who?”

“You know who. Britt.” Her name was said with so much spite I felt it run down my spine.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Do you really think that I don’t notice the way you look at her? I get it, she’s gorgeous. She’s one of those people that looks effortless and perfect without even trying.” Grabbing her stomach, Olana spat out, “I’m just a girl with fat rolls and problems. Why would you want someone like me?”

I stepped back because I started to feel it again. The slither of pain when I saw her like this. Olana was so dreadfully insecure, but no one besides me could see it. She had a good way of maintaining her facade for others, but she never hid from me. I knew everything, and that was what made her hard to deal with.

“Olana, you’re beautiful.” Why did it always end up with me saying things I didn’t want to? Was my dignity and sanity worth it?

“Then why can’t you love me?” She said it so softly I almost didn’t hear it. Almost.

“I’m sorry.” It was all I could muster.

Someone giggled behind us, and I closed my eyes, trying to hide my annoyance. I hated that I wasn’t the one making her laugh. Stupid Steele .

“Come on.” I held my hand out to Olana, but she didn’t accept it. “Let me take you home.”

She still didn’t waver from her spot. I groaned. “Come on, Olana. Please.”

“No. I’m good. I don’t need you.”

“It’s late, and if anything happened to you, I’d never forgive myself.”

“Again, you’re only helping me to clear your conscience.”

“Stop it.” I closed my eyes, then pulled my phone out.

“Who are you calling? Your dad? Because I know he’d be happy to hear from you.”

“Hi, is this campus security? Oh, hey, Todd. Do you think you or one of the other security guards would be able to swing by Covey’s Cantina and walk my friend home? Yeah, her name is Olana Stephenson. I’ll wait here with her until one of you arrives. Great. Thanks.”

She sniffled, looking down to the ground and kicking her shoes against the concrete. She was annoyed, but what else was there to say? I was doing everything I promised. I was helping her, but I wasn’t giving myself to her. Not anymore. My heart was with someone else, and I was determined to do everything in my power to prove to Britt how much she meant to me.

We stood in silence until a security guard arrived to escort Olana home. She said nothing as she left, but that might’ve been because there was nothing left to say.

My conscience was clear, but the guilt about everything still festered in my mind.

Olana …

The shit with my dad…

The shit with Britt…

My life was a fucking mess, and I had no one to blame but myself. I just needed to figure out a way to clean it up.