Page 28 of Karma (Deranged Drifters MC #23)

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Griffin’s Beach Lex

“ N o!” Lex says, her arms crossed under her chest. “No.”

“Baby—”

“I don’t want to talk to him, Colt.”

The grimace angers her. “He’s kind of, you know, already here.”

“You invited him over?” Lucas cries. “Why?”

“It gets a little worse.”

Closing her eyes, Lex shakes her head and lets out a humorless laugh. “You patched him back in.”

“Why would you do that?” Lucas asks. He moves to stand beside Lex, and when she opens her eyes, he has clenched fists at his sides. “ How could you do that? After what he’s done to Mom. Why ?”

She can’t blame him. She has the same questions, and it’s hard not to feel the sting of betrayal from her own club.

“Because the majority of the club believes he deserves a second chance to prove he’s as different as he claims,” Colt says. “He made a pretty passionate case. But, on the flip side, your father’s on probation.”

The tone of Colt’s voice tells her he didn’t vote in favor of it, but he didn’t have the authority to veto it. Which makes it worse. More people she considers her family voted him back in after he tried to kill her.

“He sounds like he’s doing better,” Colt admits. “He wants to come here to give you something, baby.”

“And how do you know it’s not a pipe bomb?” Lucas asks. “That would be instantaneous in death than the beating he delivered before. Is that the level of better he’s doing?”

“It’s not a pipe bomb,” Zane says as he walks into the house. “Sorry, I’d knock, but I wasn’t sure if you’d open the door. Plus, I heard everything from the porch.”

When Lucas shifts in front of Lex, she has to move to the side to see around him. The growth spurt really hasn’t worked in her favor.

Seeing Zane wearing the Drifter leather again cuts like a knife. Her club chose him over her. Again. He may deserve a second chance, but it still feels like treachery.

“No, we wouldn’t. At least the loyal ones in the family wouldn’t,” he says, shooting an angry look at Colt. “You’re not welcome here.”

“I don’t blame you for feeling that way, but please, can I talk to you? All of you?”

Glancing back, Lucas wavers and makes Lex smirk. He nods but says, “Fine, but anything that I perceive as a threat will have me putting you out of your misery. I’m not taking another chance with an uncle.”

Zane’s eyes widen, but Lex just shrugs. “He’s my protector.”

“And what am I?” Colt asks.

“Gone a lot,” Lucas says without missing a beat.

Laughing, they move into the living room. “I guess he told you, baby.”

“You may be tall, but you ain’t too big to put over my knee,” Colt threatens.

“You won’t do that,” he says without even glancing at him.

The look Colt shoots Lex makes her laugh despite her brother’s presence, and she links her arm with Lucas’s on the couch. He’s definitely a mama’s boy.

“So, what is this?” she asks. The sooner they talk, the quicker he leaves.

Zane lets out a deep breath but won’t meet her eyes. “I don’t want you to give up on me. Or let go. Whatever it is you feel you have to do with me.”

“You don’t have the right to want anything when it comes to me. What I wanted never mattered to you, so why do you think what you want matters to me now? That’s a bit entitled, don’t you think?”

Staring at Zane, Lucas just nods his head in agreement. Her hype man is ready to jump in at any moment, and Colt has a strange look on his face she can’t read. That bothers her even more than her brother being in front of her. She can always read Colt like a book.

“I don’t think it means anything. It’s a plea, Lex. I fucked up, and I’m going to do whatever I can to prove that I’m not a mistake.”

“That’s what you think of me, remember?”

His hand runs over his face, and he still won’t meet her eyes. “I felt like our father traded my mother for you and yours, and I blamed you both for it. It’s not right, and it’s not logical, but as a kid who missed his mom, it was hard to be rational.”

“The anger lasted longer than just being a child, Zane. The only times you’ve been relatively decent to me is when you needed me. Like when I kept Lane here with you.”

She’s baiting him. If he’s not sincere, this sets him up to call her out for not keeping Lane here with him when she made Lex her power of attorney.

“I know. I’m sorry, Lex. I wish there was something else to say, but that’s really what it comes down to.”

Leaning back, she releases Lucas’s arm and crosses hers over her chest. “This all for the doc?”

“What?”

“Is that why you’re here? Does she have a problem with the club, and now that you’re back in, you want me to help smooth things over with her like I did with Lane?”

“What? No.” He finally looks up and locks eyes with her. “No.”

Zane’s almost believable. Almost. If she hadn’t been on this merry-go-round before, she’d blindly trust him.

“Anne doesn’t fully understand the club life, but I think she wants to. I think she will, but it’ll take some time to adjust. Plus, if I can keep her, it wouldn’t hurt to have a trauma doc on hand for us.”

Tilting her head, Lex has to admit it’s not a bad idea. “Fair.”

“We’re moving,” he says. “I had issues sharing a bed with Anne in Lane’s bedroom. Margaret’s okay with it, and she’s taken quickly to Anne. And Anne has been far more patient and understanding than I deserve.”

“Lane would be happy you found someone. I’m kind of sad it’s not a club bunny because I’d love to have a reason to kick someone’s ass right now.”

He smirks. “I feel her with us. In the strangest of moments. Some of which should be more disturbing than they are.”

Sex. Yes, that would be awkward to have your late wife’s ghost with you while you’re going to pound town with another woman.

“And, Lucas, I want you to hear it from me again. I regret my actions and the things I said. I deeply regret it all.”

“Thanks to my former stepdad, I learned a long time ago that my face isn’t made of glass. I was fine,” Lucas says. “It’s harder to forgive what you almost did to my mom.”

He nods in agreement. “I can’t tell you that you’re wrong. You’re not.”

“Baby, can you give us some time alone?” Lex asks.

“Are you sure?”

She nods. “I’m sure.”

Kissing her cheek, he shoots Zane a death glare and heads towards his room. It’s nice to know there’s one loyal man in her life.

“That boy would murder for you,” Colt says. “I’m pretty sure he just tolerates me.”

“That’s how we all feel about you,” she says with a smirk. “Kidding. He loves you.”

“It’s nice to know he cares about your well-being as much as I do.”

The way he says it makes her snort. So much so that her brother’s back wearing the Drifter logo. The club everyone says she is.

Leaning forward, she rests her elbows on her knees and decides it’s best to just lay it all out on the line. He thinks he wants to has everything out, but he’ll probably change his mind quickly.

“You made my childhood a living hell, Zane. You put my parents through hell. I would sleep in Colt or Ky’s bedrooms when they’d fight because the screaming wouldn’t stop until three in the morning sometimes.”

“I know—”

“No, you don’t. I hate my birthday because you ruined every single party I ever had. I go all out for everyone else because I never want anyone to ever feel the way I did. And do.”

His face falls. “I didn’t realize I did that.”

“It’s not just you. My fifteenth birthday was the last one Mom ever threw for me here.

You destroyed the clubhouse, and I ran up to the roof to not let anyone see me cry.

Mom yelled at VP because he needed to do something about you, and he told her it was her fault.

That she should’ve known better than to throw me a party. ”

Swallowing, Zane leans forward, mirroring her stance. “Come again?”

“He told her she knew how you’d feel about it, and she did it anyway.

That was the night she knew she had to leave.

And for some sick, twisted reason, I felt like I had to stay.

That if I stuck it out long enough, maybe, just maybe, VP would love me like he should have. That he’d finally see I was enough.”

Her eyes sting, and she looks up at the ceiling to blink the tears away. She’ll be damned if she cries in front of him.

“I had no idea,” he whispers.

“I fought so hard for all of the men in my life to love me that I thought it was normal. To become a punching bag, whether physically or emotionally, because I just wanted to be loved.”

He stays silent, and the words settle between them. She could stop here and call it a night, but she decides to keep going. Closure from VP isn’t possible, but Zane thinks he wants to know this.

“I’ve consistently put myself into positions of danger to try to prove myself because I never felt like I was important or enough to the people I valued the most. Besides Mom. But I would have given anything for you and VP to love me. Hell, I would’ve settled for indifference, but you hated me.”

“No,” Zane says, taking her by surprise when she sees the tears in his eyes. “I never hated you.”

“Could’ve fooled… well… everyone.”

Sniffling, he wipes at his eyes. “You never fought back. You became the person I took everything out on because you just took it, but I never hated you. I hated what you represented. In my twisted thinking, your existence just proved my mom was really gone.”

At the end of it all, Lex realizes something. Everything Zane did, all of his terrible situations, came down to one simple fact. He’s still just that little boy who desperately misses his mom.

“I had no control over being born, Zane.”

“I know,” he says and lets the tears fall. “I’m sorry, Lex.”

She sniffles and nods her head. “I believe you.”

“I don’t know how I’m going to do it, but I swear, I’m going to make it up to you. Even if it takes fifty years, I will make things right. Nothing was ever your fault, and I hate that we made you feel like you weren’t enough. You were, and you are.”

“To be fair, a good portion of this falls more on VP. He let you abuse me.”

Swallowing, he nods his head. “I don’t know what’s happening with him. He punched me at the funeral and told me not to talk to you the way I was, but then he honestly believed you’d rat over me. He goes back and forth too damn much.”

“I don’t know. He blamed me when you got kicked out of the club and left. He’s been angry with me ever since.”

‘I’ll tell him it’s not okay. None of it was okay, and Margaret told me a few things, too. He should’ve whooped my ass before you were even old enough to remember when I first ruined your parties. I wish you never knew how terrible I was.”

She smirks. “Yeah, he probably should have.”

“I’ll be right back with what I wanted to give you.”

Zane hurries outside, and Colt moves to sit beside her. Leaning back, she pulls her knees to her chest to keep him at a distance. As much as the conversation feels to be moving in a good direction, she still needs time.

“How are you feeling?” Colt asks, but there’s no mistaking the hurt on his face when she positions herself to stop him from holding her.

“It’s kind of cathartic, but there’s no magic spell to fix everything.”

“Think you can ever forgive him?”

“I already have. Not for him. For me. Doesn’t mean I’m ready to accept him back into my life, though.”

The door swings open, and Zane catches it before it slams into the hall closet door. “Sorry,” he says and walks over to her. “I know it’s not much, but I thought it might be a good start.”

A teddy bear dressed like a biker. VP had given her one when she was younger, and she loved it because she idolized him. It was her favorite until Zane ripped the head off in a fit of rage one day.

“Thank you, Zane.”

“It’s a symbol, if nothing else,” he says. “I’m going to stumble, and I won’t be perfect, but I need you to call me on my shit. Don’t shut down and just take what I may dish out, okay? Tell me when I’m wrong.”

Lex smiles and nods her head, her eyes never leaving the bear. “Okay.”

His boots clomp as he heads to the door, but he stops.

“For the record, not that it means much to you right now, I do love you, Lex. You’re a good sister.

One I sure as hell don’t deserve, but I’m glad I have you.

And I’m glad Margaret has you, too. It’s why I can’t let you give up on me without a fight.

I don’t deserve to be let off the hook like that. ”

Damn it, Zane. You’re ruining my resolve to stay angry.