Page 44

K age

Strawberries.

The scent permeated every pore. I’d have trouble eating anything that tasted like the fruit for the rest of my life. I’d always be reminded of her.

As if knowing what was on my mind, she licked her lips.

Damn it. I could barely get my mind off the desire to kiss her.

“I don’t like this,” Juliette said softly. Her arms were shaking. The weapon I’d selected was in both hands, her arms extended. She was so tense, her body trembling so badly she would never be able to react in the case of an attack.

I moved behind her and the immediate closeness brought an ugly sound from her throat.

“It’s okay, Juliette. I just need to show you an easier way of holding the weapon.”

“I’m doing just fine.”

She remained tense, enough so I kept my actions deliberate. When I had my body wrapped around hers, her body was even more rigid.

Whatever limited trust I thought we’d built had been stripped down a notch or two after the earlier conversation.

Yet when I placed my hands on hers, she finally took a deep breath and managed to relax.

“You’d end up pinching your fingers if you managed to get off a shot.

Just remember if you need to use a gun, you’ll only have a split-second decision.

Simply aim and shoot. You might not be able to use two hands. Why don’t you squeeze the trigger.”

I kept my hands near, but not holding hers.

Right now, she needed the feel of control in her hands.

The last thing I wanted to do was to put her in a position where she would need to pull the trigger.

But at least knowing she had two methods of protection, one canine and one hard, cold steel weapon, might keep her calm.

Teaching her to be comfortable wasn’t only about me being gone for one hour. The exercise in patience and agility was for when and if she was ever involved in another attack and I wasn’t around.

“Trust me and take a deep breath,” I reminded her softly.

“What about the recoil? It’s a big gun meant for a huge man like yourself.”

A smirk lifted the haze of frustration I’d had for my ridiculous earlier actions. “So you think I’m huge, huh?”

“God, yes.” She shifted from one foot to the other.

The effect of her movements was the worst. I was hot and horny all over again. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“Don’t. You seem to forget I’m a lot smaller than you.”

She fit perfectly, her body molding into mine as if made for me.

Her deep breaths were labored, but I sensed she was concentrating. When she finally pulled the trigger, the click made pushed a nervous laugh from her lips.

“You didn’t load it,” she chastised.

“Do you really think I want you to have a loaded gun until you’re comfortable?”

“How am I going to learn without target practice?”

“We’ll work on that later. Aim and shoot again.”

She shifted her weight and repeated the action.

“Much better. You need to try and breathe. And remember, you might only have one chance.”

Her head tilted. “I’ll keep that in mind. Can we do it one more time?”

“One more time.” I’d had her get used to the weight knowing the Glock wouldn’t be too heavy for her. This time I pulled my hands free, backing away slightly. She held herself with more confidence, taking aim at a tree and without hesitation, firing.

“Wow. Okay,” she said, laughing.

“Not bad. I think you have the gist.”

She lowered her arms, standing still for a few seconds. “They’re coming for me. Aren’t they?”

It was the second time she’d asked the question and the answer hadn’t changed. “Likely.”

Spinning around, her anxious expression tore at me. “Then hurry back. I don’t want to do this without you.”

“What exactly?” I teased, taking the gun from her hand.

“All of this.” Juliette rubbed her arms. “Being here alone. No offense, Tank.”

Woof.

I chuckled and backed away another step. Being this close to her was dangerous.

Yet in true Juliette form, she took a step toward me, tripping on her own feet and tumbling into my arms.

“Shit,” she said, immediately bursting into laughter as I held her close. “I’m clumsy.”

“You’re just tense.”

“Maybe.” Her laugh faded and she looked directly into my eyes. “I seem to be in a constant state of upheaval around you.”

“Don’t worry, sunshine. I’ll be out of your hair soon enough.”

“Maybe that’s not what I want.”

“Maybe that’s what needs to happen.” I tried to pull away, but she gripped my arms.

“Please don’t do that, Kage. Not after everything we’ve been through and what we shared.”

I took a deep breath, holding it a little too long. When I tried to loosen her hold, she dug her nails into my skin. “I’m not good for you, Juliette. I think we’ve established that.”

“Why?”

Oh, for fuck’s sake. We were having this conversation now?

“I’m too old. I’m too set in my ways. I’m too jaded.

There’s a list a mile long and you know it.

You keep trying to change me, but that ain’t gonna happen.

Not for you. Not for anyone. You’re a wonderful girl, an amazing woman and I refuse to hurt you.

” Which is exactly what I would do. That much I already knew about myself and my reactions.

The passion would end, the silence ensuing and there would be nothing left but sadness and guilt.

I couldn’t allow that to happen. Not to her. Not to the most incredible creature who’d ever entered my life.

Hurt flashed in her eyes just like it had when she’d told me she’d help with the sanctuary and I hadn’t responded. “I don’t want you to change, Kage. I just want you to live.”

“I’m doing my best. Which is why I need to go into town.”

Her mouth opened as if she was going to ask me to stay, but she released her hold, taking a cautious step backward.

A knot of guilt tightened in my stomach. The woman had a way of doing that to me. Sadly, I had no magical words that would make any of this easier.

“Fine. Go.”

I’d almost forgotten about the weapon. “I’ll load the gun and place it in my desk. Just leave it alone if you don’t need it. Okay?”

“Okay.” She immediately looked away. There was nothing worse than the awkwardness between us.

Just as I was prepared to turn and go, she bounded toward me, once again gripping my arms. On her tiptoes and leaning into me, I was certain she was going to kiss my lips.

When she turned her head slightly, I closed my eyes.

The light brush of softness on my cheek took my breath away.

Some invisible force had pulled me in every time I was around her.

The feelings were stronger than I’d dared allow myself to feel.

But were also exactly what I couldn’t allow to continue.

Maybe if I continued to remind myself that I was everything she didn’t need, I’d find a way to convince myself I was doing the right thing.

When everything inside ached to the point of creating madness.

“Thank you for keeping me safe, Lieutenant Rollins.” Her whisper was full of the very sadness I hadn’t wanted to cause. With that, she walked around me and headed for the house.

As usual, I was nothing but an asshole.

“Where the fuck were you?” I demanded as soon as I stormed into the building. When he didn’t answer right away, I shoved him, the brute force pitching him against the wall.

Maddox struggled to his feet, lunging toward me. As he threw a hard punch, his eyes grew wild with as much hatred as I felt. “Get the fuck off me.”

“You traitor. You left us. You walked away.” I issued two jabs, catching him under the chin and in the gut.

He came for me again, throwing us both onto the floor.

“Whoa. Fight. Stop them.”

Voices were everywhere, men surrounding us, but I didn’t give a shit. I punched him again. And again.

“Fucking Jesus Christ. Separate them.”

I was dragged off the floor, held by two other soldiers. That didn’t stop me. I managed to break free, throwing myself toward the man I’d once trusted with my life.

“That’s it. Both of you. I’ll throw you in the fucking brig until you calm down,” Commander Jenkins snarled as he jumped in the middle, throwing both his arms out. As he glanced from one to the other, I shoved the sleeves of my uniform past my elbows.

Maddox did the same.

The men crowded around, eager for a fight to blow off steam if nothing else.

I was all for it.

Maddox hissed, giving me the middle finger.

The moment I lunged forward again, Commander Jenkins was in my face. He didn’t need to use restraint. The harsh look in his eyes was enough of a reminder he was our commanding officer.

He walked me back by several feet, cocking his head. “That’s it, Lieutenant Rollins. All of you. I’m fucking sick of this shit. Whether or not you like it, we’re a goddamn team. We lost several good men. We’re all hurting, but you will not take it out on each other. Do you understand?”

Almost all the men gave a resounding ‘yes, sir.’ Neither Maddox nor I said a word, still glaring at each other.

Still seething.

“Is that understood?” Commander Jenkins snapped his head from Maddox toward me.

“Yes, sir,” Maddox said first.

I simply nodded.

“Not good enough, soldier.” Our commander didn’t take any shit. He waited for my answer.

“Yes, sir.”

“Good. I don’t want to see this shit happen again.”

Guilt was a bitter pill, but one I deserved to swallow. That’s what Juliette couldn’t understand. Or maybe she understood me better than I realized. She’d disappeared into her room just before I’d grabbed my keys. I’d stood at the bottom of the stairs, trying to figure out what to say to her.

I wasn’t known for my effortless ability to carry on a conversation.

So I’d left.

As usual.