Page 39

He stopped long enough to confront me. Both fists were clenched. “Are you kidding me? You don’t think I care about your safety?”

“Not really. You’re too interested in ignoring the gifts given to you, finding reasons to hate this town and everyone in it.

” So I was overblowing his reactions, but a tiny part of me wanted to push him to the final limit.

There was something furrowing inside, a tragedy that his heart and mind couldn’t let go.

“Gifts? You mean a goddamn sanctuary for horses that I have no business owning? Do you honestly think I have any experience with caring for multiple creatures?” He started pacing again, every thump of his boots jarring.

“No, since you don’t know how to care about yourself. You’re not living any longer, Kage. You’re barely existing. Your uncle was a smart man. He knew what you needed, but you refuse to see it.”

“We’re not talking about me. We’re talking about you. You ignored common sense.”

“Okay,” I huffed, blowing a strand of hair from my face, “maybe I was stupid in running off, but do you honestly think there’s some guys with guns just hanging out in the woods, waiting in case I venture into the forest?”

He stopped again, jerking to a halt. “Yes. It’s possible. Trust me.”

“That’s the issue. We don’t trust each other.”

When Kage moved closer, I refused to back down.

“Let me tell you something, lady. On one of the first humanitarian missions, we thought we were protected. My team was moving through a small village full of incredible people eager to see us. We thought it was neutral ground. There were women and children, all hungry and desperate. We brought them food. That’s it.

There was no need for warfare, but the insurgents thought otherwise. ”

I held my breath, studying his eyes. He was reliving the horror. “And?”

His laugh was bitter and brutal. “I watched a good man fall. He stepped on an IUD, a bomb. He was so close I could have reached out and touched him. And do you know what he was doing? He was giving a little girl a stuffed animal. That man was so happy to see the joy on that child’s face.

The fuckers planted bombs throughout that village.

On that day, we lost two soldiers, but the casualties within the village were catastrophic.

Blood. Brains. Limbs. You never forget something like that.

The sounds. The screams. The pleas. The loss.

The enemy had been waiting for us, using the people in the village as a lure. ”

“Oh, my God.” Tears formed in my eyes.

Kage dropped his head, taking several deep breaths. When he lifted it again, the venom remained. “There was so much more including a man I’d trusted destroying my faith by turning his back on men who deserved better. Enemies are everywhere, Juliette. You can’t trust anyone. Least of all yourself.”

He hissed and looked away, his chest heaving.

“Kage. I’m so… so sorry. I don’t know what to say.”

And I didn’t. He was reeling from the past, refusing to allow his demons to fall. They’d trapped him in a vicious game that he wasn’t ready to escape.

“So don’t tell me that there might not be enemies waiting to take your life. Whatever the fuck is going on, they will not stop until they get what they want. You.” He issued a strangled roar, the sound terrifying me. Then he closed his eyes and all was quiet.

The silence was worse than his roars. I was thrown by the intensity of his words, terrible images forming in my mind. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think.”

“No,” he snapped. “You didn’t think.” He turned away. “Maybe I didn’t do a good enough job to explain the possibilities to you. I’m sorry. And you’re right. I was too busy feeling fucking sorry for myself. That ends.”

“You never answered the question. Why do you care so much? Something else happened that didn’t include the loss of men in your unit. I can feel it. Whatever happened changed you. It molded you. Just tell me so I can understand.”

“Stop pushing.”

“No! That’s what is needed to break you free from the horrible chains you wear like some cross you’re required to bear. You think you deserve to be miserable.”

His heavy footsteps as he crowded my space were even more unnerving. There was no backing down with this man, no budging his anger. As he pushed me against the wall, I stared directly into his eyes.

“I do,” he hissed.

“Why? Talk to me. Why do you care so much about me? Why force yourself to suffer? Who did you lose? And why do you hate having given your life to service in the Navy?”

“That’s bullshit!”

“Is it? I’m not blind. I’m no fool. I’ve heard you on the phone. Taking this mission ripped at everything inside you. That’s why you hate me so much.” I took gasping breaths, wanting more than anything to get through to him.

“I don’t hate you.”

“I think you do and you definitely hate the fact you were a Navy SEAL.”

I had no idea why I was pushing him so hard. Why was I torturing him? No, why was I tormenting myself? I pressed my hand against his chest, fearful of his reaction, but not of the man.

Demons had stripped away at his soul, feasting on his anguish, but his heart was full. I could feel it. I could see it in his face.

“Why?” I repeated one last time.

“Why? Why? I don’t hate being a SEAL. I felt honored to serve alongside such incredible men.

But I was too busy doing my job that I forgot to do my job with my family.

Because I wasn’t there when my wife died.

I couldn’t hold her in my arms and tell her that everything was going to be okay.

She was alone in a fucking hospital when I was still overseas.

I was supposed to get on a goddamn plane, but I thought we had more time.

I believed she would still be alive, so I took one last mission.

You asked me about that goddamn perfume.

It’s because that’s the fragrance she wore.

That’s the last present I purchased for her. The last one before she died.”

“Oh, Kage.”

He pulled away, shaking his head several times. “You keep asking me why I get so angry with you when you do stupid things. Why I worry about your safety. Why I’m such a fucking asshole, doing everything I can to shut you down. You really want to know the answer?”

“Yes,” I whispered. Butterflies were ping-ponging in my stomach and a few beads of perspiration were trickling down the back of my neck. I was more anxious around him than I’d ever been. Why? Because I was terrified of the truth, of the horror he’d been through, the damage done?

“Because I’m fucking terrified of losing you too.”