Page 38 of Just Another Silly Love Song

“Something’s going on—I’ll tell you that much,” Ben said.

“Fine. I’m just . . . chatting with someone. That’s all. There’s no harm in that.”

“Another woman?” Ben asked.

“Yeah, but just chatting, nothing more.”

“Do you know what she looks like?”

“Of course.”

“Is she attractive?”

“Very.”

Ben shook his head in disgust. “Jarod?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Stay on the phone so I can have my producer get your mailing address.”

“No way. You’re just saying that so you can send me a self-castration kit.”

“First class mail.” Ben pointed at the microphone. “Yougive men a bad name.”

“It’s not what it seems.”

“Yes—it is. What you’re doing is deceitful and wrong. I don’t blame your girlfriend for going through your things. In fact, I have a message for her. You need to break up with Jarod now! But kick him in the gonads first.” I reached over and hung up on him.

I opened my mouth and—

“Sorry,” Ben said. “Testicles.” He laughed. “You’re listening to Dr. Tough Love and we’ll be back right after this.”

Ben started the commercial, slid off his headphones, and set them on the counter.

I slowly slid mine off and stared at Ben.

He shrugged. “What? Don’t tell me you feel bad for Jarod, the cheater.”

“No, of course not. But is it possible for you to be nice for a change?”

“I don’t get paid to be nice. I’m here to give straightforward advice.”

“There’s a more respectful way to give advice.”

“Do you respect Jarod?”

“No, but that’s not my—”

“When someone does something good, I’m the first to acknowledge it, the first to congratulate them, even celebrate it. When someone does something bad, I’m going to let them know. I don’t beat around the bush. And you shouldn’t interpret being direct as being mean. How thick are men’s heads?”

I thought about it. “In general or just yours?”

Ben chuckled. “Both.”

“Very thick.”

“Well, there you go. Tiptoeing through the tulips with men doesn’t work. If you want them to get what you’re saying and take action, most of the time you have to drill it into them.”