Page 26 of Just Another Silly Love Song

I glanced across at Ben. “Matthew is looking for someone with knowledge and compassion to help him with his problem.”

“And I did help him.” Ben grabbed his coffee mug and took a sip, a satisfied grin on his face.

“No. You didn’t.” I shook my head in disgust. “You raked him over the coals and then told him to grow a pair.”

“That was valid advice because he’s letting that woman make all the decisions. Matthew needs to reach down into his trousers and check to see if his gonads are still there. Because, along with his T-shirt and tennis shoes, it sounds like his girlfriend took those, too.”

I threw my palms in the air. “Gonads? Who uses that word anymore? Your vocabulary needs to be rebooted.”

“Gonads is a valid word.”

“For cavemen, maybe.”

“What do you prefer? Balls? Ooooh, then you can play ‘Great Balls of Fire’ by Jerry Lee Lewis and do one of your cutesy dedications to him.”

“You’re being ridiculous.”

“Okay, scratch balls. Pun intended. Anyway, in honor of our wonderful Spanish-speaking friends, we can usehuevosorcojones. Better?”

“Testicles is the technical term, if it’s necessary to use it, which I don’t think it is.”

Ben sighed. “Fine. He can reach down into his long johns and check to see if histesticlesare still there.” He winced. “Nope. It doesn’t have the same punch.”

I set my mocha down. “Have you ever just listened to yourself for a moment?

“Of course. We can login into the server from anywhere to hear recordings of past shows.”

“It was a rhetorical question.”

“Hello?” Matthew said. “I’m still here.”

“Just a minute, Matthew,” I said. “Listen, Dr. Tough Stuff—”

Ben adjusted his headphones. “Dr. Tough Love.”

I blew off his correction. “Whatever. You can make all the fun you want about my dedications, but they’re helpful and necessary. People love them. I’m looking forward to playing dedications for our listeners.”

Ben pointed his finger at me. “If you play anything from Bette Midler, I swear I will take my own life live on the air.”

I smirked. “Promises, promises.”

“I’m serious.”

“Well, then it sounds like my dastardly plan to get rid of you is already working.”

Ben crossed his arms. “I’m not going anywhere.”

I crossed my arms. “Neither am I.”

“Actually, I really do need to get to work,” Matthew said.

“Just a second, Matthew,” Ben said. “Lori was quick to criticize my advice to you, but she failed to offer an alternative option for you, which is a huge faux pas.”

I sighed. “I stand by what I said earlier. Matthew’s girlfriend was thoughtful and generous for wanting to give something special to another person to make them feel better. And while she maybe should have talked to you first, she led with her heart which is a positive show of love and affection. We need more compassionate people like her in the world, and Matthew needs to appreciate that.”

Ben chuckled. “You heard it, Matthew. Lori wants you to continue to be a doormat.”

“I did not say—”