Page 28 of Just Another Silly Love Song

“Can you make a good one?”

I ignored my annoying cohost. “I’ll give you some examples of bad neighbor problems. Noise from late-night parties while you’re trying to sleep, suspected criminal behavior, unruly children traipsing on your property, offensive odors coming from their home. These are more bothersome than two people walking around in the buff in their own home. I don’t have a problem with what they’re doing as long as they aren’t standing on the windowsills trying to flash me. And before Mr. Tough Stuff has a chance to disagree with me, let me ask you, what exactly are you witnessing? I mean, are they just walking around naked all day?”

“Lori wants to know if you can see them doing the deed.”

I cocked my head to the side. “Can you stick something in your mouth to keep words from coming out?” I pretended to rustle through my purse. “I may have a sock, hang on.”

“You keeponesock in your purse? What else do you have in there? One glove? Are you going to sing ‘Billie Jean’ next?”

I ignored him. “Pablo, are you still there?”

“Yes, and to answer your question, I can see them having sex. I don’t know how they do it, but they’re like rabbits.”

“Well, if you can see them, you know exactly how they do it.”

“What I mean is . . . they’re on the older side, so I’m just surprised they have so much energy at that age.”

Ben arched an eyebrow. “Lori, maybe you should take this one since you’re older than me.”

He didn’t know my age and I didn’t know his, so he was obviously on a mission to rub me the wrong way. I needed to stay strong and focus on the topic at hand even though I wanted to bop him on the head with something.

Lucky for him he was out of bopping range.

“How old are you?” I asked. “And before you answer, I want to let you know that the bell rang and your recess is over.”

Ben didn’t hesitate to answer. “I’m forty.”

I blinked. “Me, too.”

“What month were you born?”

“May.”

This time Ben hesitated and arched an eyebrow. “Me, too. Day?”

“Seventeenth.”

“Eighteenth.” He grinned. “You’re older than me. Age before beauty. Please continue.”

I ground my teeth. “There’s been a lot of research done in this area. And it is well-documented that people can have active sex lives well into their late sixties and early seventies.”

“Oh, they’re much older than that,” Pablo said.

“Hold on. Wait a minute.” Ben adjusted his microphone. “How old are they?”

“My neighbor across the street told me they both just turned eighty.”

“Wow! Octogenarian exhibitionists! Welcome to Inappropriateville, USA. Come on in but leave your shoes and clothes at the door!”

“Speaking of that, every time we go over to get them to stop, they try to get my wife and me to go inside their house. They’ve done it three times.”

Ben laughed. “Octogenarian exhibitionists who are swingers, too? Okay, I don’t know what to think anymore. I only hope I can get that image out of my head.”

“I still don’t have a problem with it,” I said. “I think it’s admirable that a couple their age are still intimate and sexually active. Kudos to them for showing the world that it’s never too late for anything.Theyare an inspiration.”

Ben crossed his arms and slid his glasses down his nose, studying me. “So, they’re inspiring you to have an active sex life up until you’re eighty?"

I stared at him. “Sure. Why not?”