Page 8 of Julian Shared (Secret Lives of Hot Twinks #2)

Julian

I’ve never been the napping type. Once I’m up, I’m wide awake for the rest of the day. Yet as I go through my usual morning routine, I’m off-kilter. I try and blame it on the lack of sleep, but I know it’s really about the argument.

What was I thinking?

I suppose I wasn’t thinking at all. I was simply wrapped up in my feelings. Desperate to try and fix everything before Joel left. Though all that did was put a crack in something that might not have even been broken to begin with.

I just…I love my life with Joel. I don’t want to lose him or what we have together. My past came back to haunt me, and I let it possess me instead of putting it back to rest in peace.

Or maybe I never made a proper peace with it.

With a sigh, I pour myself a cup of coffee with ample cream and sugar. I keep myself busy in the kitchen for a while, but since Joel skipped breakfast and I don’t like to eat without him, well, there’s not much for me to do.

There’s not even any prep work to be done for dinner later. We’re still stuffed to the brim with leftovers. I open up my planner and think further ahead.

I’ve tried going digital, but it doesn’t work for me. I like the tactile ritual of opening and closing the big beautiful leather-bound book. Designing the pages by hand. Labeling the months and weeks, creating bullet points of to-do tasks or listing social events.

It keeps me organized. It helps me stay on track. Every day with its own dedicated page. A record of what I’ve accomplished.

I tap my finger along one of the items on today’s agenda. Visit Minh. Oh yes, I promised to bring her over some leftovers since she missed out on our party.

After getting it packed up in plastic containers, I decide to walk over to Minh’s place instead of taking my car or riding my bike.

It’s not too hot in the day yet, and a walk will do me good. It'll help me clear my head.

Our visit doesn’t last for long. I can tell Minh is tired, so we don’t chat for long…though I do give Minh a quick update on how well the party went.

And how impressed the post commander was with Joel.

On my way back home, my walk turns into more of a stroll now that there’s no purpose in being out. Nothing and no one is waiting for me at the house. I cast a discerning gaze on each yard and house on our gay little lane.

Cameron and I are the only ones who aren’t in the military. Or working from home. Or retired. Cameron, I suppose, is in a category all his own since he’s still in school.

I’m the only real gay house spouse.

I pause in front of Cameron’s white picket fence and stare at his front door. One of the windows to his living room is open… and I hear something. The television is on, but Trevor’s truck isn’t in the driveway.

That means Cameron must be home. And he’s probably alone.

Right now would be a great time to talk to him. About cooking or baking. Or upcoming events around post. And maybe, just maybe, we could talk about last night.

No, I shouldn’t. I really shouldn’t.

I do it anyway.

My curiosity outruns my modesty as I march up to the front door. I ring the doorbell once and then knock a few times just for good measure. The sounds of the television cuts off before Cameron opens the door.

"Oh, hey," he greets me with a note of surprise.

I muster up a sunny smile. “Good morning.”

Cameron’s eyes widen. "Did I…um, did I forget something again?"

"No, nothing like that. I came over here to see if you wanted to come over to my place for tea."

"That sounds nice," Cameron smiles back. "Um, maybe later? Or tomorrow, actually? I've got an essay I need to finish for class, and I'm supposed to meet a friend for lunch soon."

I give Cameron a quick once-over. His shorts are awfully short and his t-shirt is, well, it's very small. And tight.

Somehow, I don't think Cameron's really going anywhere. Not dressed like that.

My smile starts to wane. "I'd really prefer today."

"Oh. Well."

I can see the gears in Cameron's head turning. He's going to blow me off. Again. Just like he did with the bake sale.

That won't do. No more trying to be discreet then. I'm going to have to come right out and say it.

"I saw you the other night, Cameron." I take a deep breath and cross my arms. I lower my voice and avert my gaze to the side. "In your pool. With Buddy…and the other soldiers."

"Oh," Cameron says very, very quiet. “Maybe you can come inside so we can talk about this?"

I walk in with my head held high and Cameron closes the door behind us.

◆◆◆

"I can't believe you don't have any tea." There are no lemons to make lemonade either. I shake my head and cluck my tongue. All Cameron has is soda and coffee.

"Julian, c'mon. Please can we just start talking?" Cameron wrings his hands together as he sits at the kitchen table.

"Fine," I relent. “Another cup of coffee it is.”

There's milk in their fridge, thankfully, but there's no creamer. I add half a spoon of sugar to my cup and give it a whirl before I join Cameron at the table.

"I'm not cheating on Trevor." Cameron’s eyes are so big. So earnest. Like a puppy dog begging for scraps, though what he’s really doing is begging me to accept the truth.

"I know that. I saw Trevor there too. He seemed to be overseeing the…festivities."

"Trevor likes it," Cameron says, so soft and quiet he may as well be whispering, "and I like it too. I know it’s weird. I’m sorry we bothered you."

The blush on Cameron’s cheeks matches the fresh overlay of hickeys on his neck. He looks so worried.

I make it a point to rein in my judgment and soften the way I look at him. I’m not here to condemn Cameron for having an open marriage. Or whatever it’s called. I’m here because, well, because I couldn’t help myself.

“Well, I’m glad it’s all consensual and you’re having fun with other men.” I clear my throat. "How long have you two been doing…that?”

“Hot twinking,” Cameron says. “That’s what it’s called.”

I take a quick sip of my coffee. I'm even quicker to set it down when I notice my hands have started to shake. I fold them in my lap, hiding my nervousness under the table.

"I see,” I nod, “and so how long have you been…is that seriously what it’s called? There’s no way that’s a real word.”

Joel and I aren’t exactly vanilla, but it’s not like we’re members of a kink club either. Yet I’ve never heard of hot twinks before in my life. Maybe this is a new thing on the scene. I know I’m not that much older than Cameron, but I suddenly feel ancient.

"Well, it's a real kink," Cameron says with a confident nod. "It has other names too. Free use and um sometimes shared use when people are trying to be more polite.”

I’ve never heard of those things either.

“We didn't start doing it until after we were married. I caught Trevor watching some porn with a hot twink and…I don't know. It just happened. He invited Marlon over for dinner one night and we tried it out. He shared me.”

It takes me a moment to process what Cameron’s told me.

"Marlon?" I repeat with full disbelief. "You slept with Marlon? But he's so old."

Cameron tilts his head at me. "What do you mean? Your husband is old too."

"Joel isn’t old," I snap. "He's just older than me.”

Joel’s hair is a tasteful salt-and-pepper. Marlon could audition for Santa Claus in a few more years.

Cameron gives me a curious look. Oh no. I've seen that look on his face before. Cameron might be a new friend, but he's been a fast friend. I know him quite well. Well, I know him better than I ever really wanted to, but the point remains.

I know what curiosity does to Cameron. It gives him a confidence he usually lacks.

"How come you're asking me all these questions anyway?" he asks me. "Are you and your husband…into that stuff too?"

Cameron's mouth shifts into a smile that he quickly tries to squash.

"Wait? No. Never.” I smooth the collar of my polo shirt. “Joel and I are perfectly happy keeping our bedroom a two-person-only party. I only brought it up because I was worried about you.”

No need to bring up Joel fucking me against the window after we caught Cameron being a…hot twink.

“I just wanted to make sure you were alright,” I continue, hands curling around my cup. “And I should warn you about being more careful.”

“Sorry,” Cameron apologizes again. “I’ll make sure we keep it inside from now on.”

That’s for the best, really, for the whole neighborhood.

I stand up, and Cameron sees me to the door. I hesitate before I leave.

“Do you actually like it?” I ask with a raised eyebrow. I still can’t help myself. “Being shared in front of Trevor? Being with all those different guys at once?”

“Yeah,” Cameron admits and this time he doesn’t try to bite down his smile. “Honestly, next to marrying Trevor, it’s the best thing to ever happen to me. I’ve never felt more free than when I’m giving it all up.”

Cameron shifts from one foot to the other as he speaks.

“It can be…overwhelming sometimes. Having to um service so many different guys in a row. But, yeah, I really actually like it. Love it, in fact. I trust and love Trevor so much and giving up control to him proves that. He uses me whenever and however he wants. And that means letting his friends borrow me too. He proves how much he trusts and loves me right back by taking care of me while I’m getting used. ”

Cameron shrugs his shoulders and laughs.

“And it’s also really, really hot.”

I’ve never heard Cameron talk like this. So open. No more shame in his voice or his face.

I’m seeing a whole new side of him. The hot twink part of my friend and neighbor.

“Right.” I make myself smile back at Cameron and pat him on the arm. “Well, I’m happy for you then. Good luck with your paper. Let’s talk soon, okay? When you’re not so busy. We still have some more cooking lessons to plan.”

We say goodbye and I rush back home. Heat spreads across my face. I blame it on the sun and not the beginner’s guide to hot twink kink that Cameron just gave me. Free use. Shared use. Whatever you want to call it.

I hate how even just thinking those words is making my shorts feel uncomfortable.

I dart inside the guest bathroom and apply a fresh layer of sunscreen onto my face.

It doesn’t matter what I’ve learned or how I’ve reacted to it.

Joel and I don’t need any other men in our bed.

What we need is a hobby. One for us to share and enjoy together. That’s what we need.

Once we have a new hobby on the schedule, the weird erotic appeal of hot twinking will fade away into nothing.

The rose I cut off the other day is starting to droop. I replace the water and whip up a little homemade flower food to perk it up.

A little vinegar. A little sugar.

That’ll bring it back to life.

I pick up the vase and take it into the living room with me, giving it a new home before I curl up on the sofa with my phone and browse through local events.