Page 223 of Jagged Souls

It isn’t easy.

And I worry that what I did in order to kill Antonio has scarred us too heavily.

“I love you,” he murmurs, and I swallow hard.

“I love you too.”

With my tattoo done, we swap positions. He doesn’t take off his black dress shirt, just unbuttons it enough so I can see his chest. He lifts my hand and places it a smidge above his heart. “Here,” he murmurs. “I placed her here.”

My throat tightens. Doing my best, I draw a blood smear onto his skin, with little footprints going through it.

“You know,” I say, trying to inject some levity into my voice. “I would’ve trained her well enough to know not to leave this much evidence behind.”

He laughs, but it feels a bit hollow.

“And if I didn’t, Khalid would have.”

His next chuckle feels more genuine.

“Her first toy would’ve been a blade,” Varius says with a shake of his head.

“And Maddox would’ve paid for ballet lessons.” He really enjoys watching their plays. He admires them for their craft and skill and their ability to tell a story without words.

“Leno would’ve given her a bag full of dirt.”

I look up at him curiously despite the hole growing in my chest.

“He could connect to it,” he says. “So he’d always be with her.”

I force out a smile. “I bet he would’ve taught her to jump in all the muddy puddles.”

He grins, tears in his eyes. “He would’ve made puddles for her to jump in, the fucker. Right after we battled her for hours to get her dressed just to be an absoluteasshole.”

A sad, choking laugh escapes me. It feels both good and terrible to feel joy right now. Her uncles would’ve loved her so hard. “You think Enoch would’ve shaved her head? Give her a gehawk?”

“A what?”

“Like a gecko mixed with a mohawk. A gehawk.”

“A mogecko would make more sense,” Varius replies in all seriousness. “Replace the animal with another animal.”

I smile as I shake my head. “A mogecko then.”

“No. It only looks good to you because you’re shorter than him. If you view it from above, it looks like he’s being T-bagged by a monkey with massive balls.”

I half-cough, half-wheeze. “No it doesn’t. Really?”

He grins. “I’ll take a picture for you.”

I shake my head, my chest hurting with all the would’ve beens. We lapse into silence for a bit before I build up the courage to ask, “And Rudy?” My heart pounds in my throat as I wonder if I have pushed too far. But he deserves to be remembered here too. He would have loved her the most.

Varius looks away and doesn’t say anything.

My lips trembling, I focus back on the tattoo. I just about finish with it when he murmurs, “He would’ve given her so many damn goats.”

I jerk my hand away from him as I laugh loud and hard. I can’t stop the bubble of noise exploding out of my lips. A bit manic. A lot of pain. But also full of love and joy and that tentative hope that hints at one day being okay.

Bambi Rafiki Shadow would’velovedgoats.