Page 192 of Jagged Souls

Fifty-Six

Her

I stand under the spray of the shower, trembling from the hope blossoming inside my belly. It’s only been a few hours since Antonio saved me and gave me a purpose for living again. But I feel like it’s a new day. A new year. A newme. I feel so different.

So hopeful.

He’s going to get my baby back.

I grope around for the shampoo bottle, then cradle it in my arms like I used to do with Lou. I rock it back and forth, humming a melody I remember my own mother singing to me. Tears run down my face.

But they’re happy tears this time. Full of love. I’m going to hold my baby girl for the first time because ofhim. He’s going to save her like he’s saved me.

There’s a thought tickling inside my head, but I run from it fast. Throw up walls left and right to keep it away from me.Hesaved me. He will not hurt me…

Not as long as I obey him, and I will. Because he will give me what no one else can. Not my husband–pain lances through me– not the gods –anger fills me now– not even me. Feelings of shame and filth wage war across my heart, leaving a blood, muddy field death-stomped in their wake.

The tears aren’t happy anymore.

I drop the bottle of shampoo, and it splatters open at my feet. Leaking out. Disappearing down the drain. My child gone, ripped away from me.

I’m such a failure.

Am I even worth being saved?

Being given the chance to be a mother again?

What if I fuck it up? What if she’s better off dead?

I can’t even protect a bottle of shampoo…

A sob rips out of me, and my body curls inwards.

“Antonio!” I scream, needing him here. Praying for my savior, putting my faith in him like he told me too. “Please!”

He comes to me.

Instantly appearing in the shower beside me, he gathers me in his arms and holds me, asks me why it hurts.

Bubbled snot runs down my face, only to be washed away by the hot spray. By his presence here taking away the pain. He’s naked with me, and I take comfort in the closeness of his body.

I press a hand to my belly. “What if she hates me?” I sob. “I’m so dirty and disgusting and weak.”

“So be strong for her. It will take me a while to bring her back; you have time to learn. But look at you.”

I take in my pathetic state and wince. The craving for V claws at my stomach.

“You turned to me instead of V,” he says, knocking the breath from my lungs. “That was your second step to being strong. The first was having a shower. I’m proud of you.”

His hand slips between my legs, and heat slams into me, so much hotter than the spray raining down on my head and shoulders, filling the place with steam. I stand frozen as his finger rubs between my pussy lips. Not going in but going up to my clit. He presses on it, and I shudder against him.

“What are you doing?” I ask, my breath a hitch in my lungs. I look up at him and see his golden eyes staring down at me, burning with an intense heat.

“Rewarding you,” Antonio says. “For being a good girl by taking a shower, you get my fingers inside you.” I cry out as he slips a finger deep into my pussy. My hands clutch at his muscled shoulders, holding on to him as my back arches, pushing my breasts against his chest. A golden dusting of hair clings to him and tickles me.

“For praying to me like a good girl, they get to move.” He pulls out slowly, then pushes back in. Another cry escapes me. I fall to the floor, my legs giving out, and he crouches down in front of me.

“Every time you’re good, I’ll reward you.” He curls his fingers inside of me, and I clutch at his hand as I lift my hips, riding him to his bottom knuckles. I don’t need any V when I have him. All I need is him. He will save me. Provide for me. Care for me just like he promised.