Page 9 of It’s Always Been You (Always #1)

Her jaw dropped open. She snapped it shut and was about to say something else when Travis cut her off.

“Shit. Sorry, Caitlin.” He leaned forward and gripped the edges of the countertop, looking down his front. “Can’t help it around you. You make me so hard.”

“Travis!”

“What? I’m not going to fucking deny you turn me on. Jesus, Sarah, it’s been three years,” Travis snapped. His knuckles turned white on the countertop, and if it wasn’t granite, Caitlin was afraid he would have splintered it.

Caitlin tittered. “A man like you? Not have sex for three years? Puh—lease.”

“A man like me? What’s that supposed to mean?” Travis narrowed his eyes at her.

She flipped an arm out in a careless wave. “You don’t seem the type to fish for compliments, Travis. You know exactly what I mean. I’d be surprised if women didn’t throw themselves at you.”

Travis was quiet. He released his death grip on the countertop and unhooked a pan from the pot rack hanging over the center island.

“Nine months after you died, I left the SEALs. I drifted aimlessly, went to bars, and had a couple of one-night stands. Without the SEALs and a mission, I went into a downward spiral.”

She didn’t know why his revelation pinched her heart, because he had every right to move on, but it did .

“Three months. I thought I could fuck the pain out of my heart with faceless women.” Travis didn’t look at her but concentrated on cracking the eggs into a bowl to scramble.

“It didn’t work. I stopped when I accidentally called a woman by your name.

” He put the bowl down, and when he looked up, his face was ravaged with anguish. “I wasn’t even close to moving on.”

“Travis—”

“Also around that time, a friend of mine—Ben Porter—I’ll explain who he is later— approached me about a security gig to protect a senator,” Travis said. “I can’t share with you the specifics of what transpired, but it gave me hope that you were alive.”

“Travis—”

“In my heart, I felt you were alive, Caitlin,” Travis said. “I refused to let go.”

She walked toward him because seeing him in pain like this was slowly tearing her apart as well, but he held up his hand.

“Babe, don’t. Don’t come near me right now.” His voice was guttural and rife with warning. “If you don’t want to get fucked over this kitchen counter, keep your distance.”

That made her stop dead in her tracks.

“My control is at its end, sunshine.” Travis tried to force a smile through his tense features.

“Three years of longing, having you so close to me now, I just want to haul you under me and sink myself so deep inside you, feel your warmth around me gripping me, making sure that you’re really here, and it’s not a fucking dream. ”

All right, was she supposed to feel turned on? Because she freaking was!

“ Uh . . .” Yes, that was all she could say.

Travis shifted his gaze away from her and started the stove. “Go change, babe. Seeing you in my shirt and nothing else . . . only so much a man can take. ”

That galvanized her into moving, and she scampered away like a mouse being chased by a hawk.

After a quick shower, pulling on a pair of jeans, and covering up with one of her own shirts, Caitlin made her way back to the kitchen. Eggs and sausages were already on the table, and Travis was slicing through a crusty boule, but he was on speaker with someone else. He glanced up briefly at her.

“Gotta go, Em. Just bring the files here. We’ll sort it out.”

“But your interviews—” an annoyed, but sweet female voice spoke over the phone.

“Re-schedule the interviews for tomorrow after lunch.”

“The security brief is due tomorrow afternoon.”

Travis cursed. “All right. Have Shephard interview them.”

There was a long pause.

“That’s so unlike you, Travis. You’re always hands-on.”

“Things are about to change; I trust your man to get things done.”

“Beatrice won’t be pleased.”

“Look, we’ll discuss this when you drop the files. Give Shephard a heads up.”

There was a sigh and then, “Fine. I’ll see you in an hour.”

Travis finished cutting the bread and gestured for Caitlin to take a seat. “Dig in, babe.”

“Looks like I’m infringing on your time for work.” She tried to act nonchalant about it and speared a couple of the fluffy morsels on her plate. Travis knew how to make proper scrambled eggs.

Travis frowned at her as he slid the bread cutting board toward her. “Just need to shuffle things around. It’s time I delegated anyway.”

Caitlin nodded. “Did I used to know her? ”

“Emily?”

“Yes.”

“No. I hired her after I started the business. Her husband Edward Shephard was a buddy of Nate’s, and no, you didn’t know Ed either.”

“Who did I know, then?”

“Nate. A couple of my SEAL buddies like Gabe. My parents and sister.”

Caitlin inhaled sharply. “Your parents?”

“Well . . . yeah,” Travis replied. His eyes turned cautious, like he was watching for signs of a freak out. “I told Emily to keep a lid on your return. Give you a chance to adjust before springing my family on you.”

She released the breath she didn’t realize she was holding. “Thanks.”

“My family loved you, Caitlin,” Travis whispered, his hand closing over hers. “They will again. Don’t worry about it.”

For a few minutes, all that was heard was the tinkling of silverware as both of them contemplated this change in both their lives.

At least, that was what Caitlin was thinking.

What would she do? Play housewife? Somehow she knew that would drive her crazy.

She was good with computers and code. She could learn a new programming language and get a job.

“Caitlin, I was approached by the CIA early this morning.”

She nearly choked on a piece of bread. Travis cursed and patted her back while she took a gulp of water.

“Sorry for dropping that on you,” Travis said. “There’s no other way to segue into it except—”

“That’s okay,” Caitlin laughed. “I was just unprepared for the sudden shift in topic. What did they want?”

“They believe that Komarov is after you.”

“I don’t have what he needs. If he thinks I can get his money for him, I can’t. I don’t remember how to access it. ”

“Benjamin Porter is a good friend of mine,” Travis said. “I’ve known him since I was in the SEALs. What I didn’t know then was his involvement with CIA covert ops. You were CIA.”

For some reason, Caitlin didn’t even feel surprised.

But Travis did, and his displeasure showed in the way his lips formed a thin line. “You knew?”

“I suspected,” Caitlin qualified. “I suspected Jase and I were part of a disavowed group of the U.S. government, and we were being terminated.”

“I still can’t wrap my head around the whole scenario.” Travis’s nostrils flared. “How you managed to keep it from me? As your husband, I should have been aware.” His voice hardened. “As a SEAL, not even suspecting was inexcusable.”

There was no accusation in his voice, only frustration.

“I must have been trained well,” Caitlin whispered, almost apologetically.

Jase said they had been recruited as teenagers, which meant deception had been ingrained in her from an early age.

“In some way, I hope it tore me up to keep that part of my life a secret from you.”

His eyes softened. “Tough times ahead, sunshine. I’m committed to work this through. I hope you feel the same way.”

“Can you get over that I was with Jase?”

Travis’s face shuttered into a mask. The question hung between them thick and uncomfortable, but Caitlin didn’t want to pretend that her having been with another man didn’t matter.

To her, that was the biggest hurdle to overcome if their relationship was to stand a chance.

Meeting Travis that first time had etched in her mind the kind of man he was.

He didn’t share. He was possessive, possibly to a psychotic degree.

Long moments passed before Travis spoke up. “I said I was committed to this, Caitlin. What happened wasn’t your fault— ”

“We’re not sure of that,” Caitlin pointed out. “I could have gone with him willingly and—”

Travis’s chair scraped across the floor so fast, it toppled over. He turned away from her, probably to hide his expression, but the rise and fall of his shoulders hinted of his struggle to stay in control.

“I can’t let you go again.” His voice was flat and emotionless. He turned around, his face appearing to have been hewn from granite. “And this time, I’ll personally kill anyone who will try to take you away from me. That I promise.”

He left her at the table and disappeared into his study.