Page 45 of It’s Always Been You (Always #1)

“No. My dad wanted me to get my degree first, so I went to college and graduated with an economics degree in three and half years.”

“Overachiever.”

“I had lofty goals. ”

“Yeah, you married me, a girl you met at a bar.”

Travis unfolded his arms and dragged her on top of him, sealing his mouth over hers in a firm kiss.

“That was fate, babe,” he whispered, his voice laden with tenderness.

“Never had a relationship in my life, and in one night, it just hit me. You took my breath away, and I handed you my heart. I was a goner.”

“Hmm . . . You say the most romantic things,” Caitlin murmured. “No wonder you got me to marry you in six weeks.”

“Had help, babe,” Travis admitted. “I may not have had relationships before, but I knew what my parents have, and I swore I’d have that, too.

Maybe that was why I didn’t want to jump from one relationship to another.

When I fell in love, I would make the effort to win the woman I love, making sure it was going to be forever.

I’ve got a dad who loves my mom to distraction.

All I did was ask his help to teach me how not to screw this up. ”

“What if you weren’t convalescing and you only had two weeks? Would you have sought me out again on your next break?”

Travis gave her a firm squeeze. “You’re not listening.

I was gone for you after one night. I would have never left for my deployment if I wasn’t sure you knew that you were mine and no one else’s.

Fuck. I didn’t even wanna think what I would have done if I only had two weeks to convince you to marry me.

You’d probably run from me, screaming that I was a psycho. ”

“You’re right.”

Travis chuffed indignantly. “You were crazy about me, too.”

“If you say so Trav—” She squealed when he dragged her under him and silenced her insolent mouth with a plundering kiss. After a few minutes, his kiss gentled until finally he pulled away and finished by kissing the tip of her nose. He fell on his back again and tucked her to his side.

Caitlin grinned; then a yawn escaped her. “How come Nate’s not a SEAL like you?”

“We did go to BUD/S together, but his old man got sick, and he had to take care of him for a couple of months. Shame really. He joined the Army Special Forces instead. He quit after one tour because he got recruited into the CIA paramilitary division.”

“You had additional training to be in SEAL Team Six?”

Travis nodded. “To be a DEVGRU operator you have to pass the Green Team selection process.” He exhaled deeply. “Attrition rate is high. Fewer than fifteen percent active-duty SEALs successfully screen for it, and those who actually pass training are in the top 1% of the SEAL community.”

“Wow,” Caitlin whispered in awe. “You’re that badass?”

Travis chuckled, “I’m sure I’ve gotten rusty.”

“Not from what I’ve seen,” she muttered as she played with the hair on Travis’s chest. “Do you miss being a SEAL?”

Travis was quiet for a beat. “I miss the brotherhood and the mission to clean up the shit in this world. I loved being a SEAL, and then I lost some friends at the same time I had that injury that had me questioning my beliefs. You restored my faith in the mission, babe, but I also started hating being away from you.”

“Oh, Travis . . .”

“Don’t feel guilty, Cat. I just found something .

. . someone I loved more than those ugly guys I served with,” Travis said with a hint of amusement.

Then his tone turned serious. “It takes its toll on you—war, killing, collateral damage. We may be the toughest sons of bitches on the planet, but there is a danger to losing our humanity, especially when there is no one back home to keep you tethered. I had a taste of that when I thought I had lost you.”

“You scare me, Travis. ”

“What?” Travis shifted his hold on her and tilted her chin up to look at him.

“Remember when we got ambushed on Route 7?”

“Yeah?”

“You became someone I didn’t recognize. I can’t explain that look in your eyes. And then again when you fought Ashe and the other MC guys . . . you were this . . . stranger.” Caitlin wanted to say killing machine, but she couldn’t bring herself to utter the words.

“Sorry, Cat,” Travis whispered. “I just disappear into this zone where I have to neutralize a threat. I’m still there . . . inside . . . I’m still there. But I have to operate with no empathy, because if I have to kill someone whose intent is to kill me, hesitating is not an option.”

“I know,” Caitlin said. “I guess I freaked you out, too, the one time you saw me black out and go on a rampage.”

“God, Cat. I was so pissed at what was done to you.” Travis shuddered against her. “That the agency would experiment . . . never again, babe. I’ll never let them get their hands on you.”

Caitlin settled back into the sanctuary of his embrace, and closed her eyes. Before she fell into a deep sleep, the last thing she felt was Travis tightening his arms around her, brushing a kiss on top of her head.

Another two days passed. The men were playing cards.

Caitlin was in Travis’s study pounding away on her laptop.

Sometimes Travis would see her on social networking websites, sometimes in hacker chatrooms. He had not brought up the topic of the Hephaestus-Carpathian files again and figured she would get to it when she was ready.

Porter tried to call him once, but Travis let it go to voicemail. The admiral didn’t leave any message .

“I’ve got a full house,” Nate announced as he laid out his cards.

Sam threw his cards on the table in disgust. “I think this guy is a card shark.”

Travis shook his head, smiling. “I agree. I don’t know why I even bother and don’t just hand him the pot.”

“Sore losers,” Nate said as he gathered all the chips toward him.

Just then, there was a loud crash in his study, followed by a wail and a whimper.

All the men jumped to their feet and raced to the room.

“Caitlin!” Travis called as he burst through the doors and stopped.

She was staring at her laptop—wrecked on the floor of the study. She was hugging her own body in a protective gesture. And she was muttering, “No. No. No.”

“Babe, what is it?” Did the pressure finally get to her, and she got too frustrated and just smashed her laptop? He walked over to comfort her, but she shoved him away.

“No!” Her eyes were wild. “Don’t touch me! You all can’t make me do this. I won’t.”

Alarmed, because this was the first he’d seen her this way, he tried again, “Caitlin, tell me what’s wrong?”

“That thing is vile!” she shrieked at him. “They’re not getting anything out of me.”

“What is it?”

“Don’t tell me you don’t know!” Caitlin flung out the accusation before she dug her fingers into her hair. “I was a part of this. I can’t believe I was a part of this.”

Travis held out a hand. “Caitlin, you’re not sure. Didn’t you tell me you had a feeling you had locked it up so tight because you didn’t want anyone getting anything out of it?”

She was hyperventilating, and muttering to herself in a closed-off, broken way as if she had retreated into herself. Travis took another step forward .

She ran to his desk and grabbed his letter knife, holding it against her carotid artery. Fuck! Travis’s entire body grew taut with tension and unadulterated fear.

“Caitlin!” His voice was loud and commanding. “Enough! Drop that knife and come here.”

“You’re not getting anything out of me!”

Her fingers tightened around the knife. Travis didn’t waste a second and jumped her, bending her arm and twisting her wrist that held the weapon. She yelped and dropped the knife. He immediately spun her around, locking her in an inescapable hug.

“Babe, you need to calm the fuck down,” he growled in her ear, giving her a firm shake. He looked up momentarily at Nate and Sam. Sam had picked up the letter opener. Why didn’t he have any sedatives in the house?

She didn’t fight him, but she was shuddering violently. It took a few more minutes for her tremors to subside. Finally, she whispered, “I’m calm now. You can let me go.”

His arms only clenched further, afraid she could still hurt herself.

“Travis, really, I’m okay. I just lost it for a moment.”

“Sorry. Not trusting you right now, sunshine,” he told her. “Now, you’re going to tell me exactly what freaked you out.”

Travis sat on his chair, dragging Caitlin on his lap. He didn’t like this development in her psyche. Threatening to kill herself—what the fuck? Now he had to think about protecting her from herself, too?

As if reading his thoughts, she said, “I wasn’t going to kill myself. I’m not suicidal. I was bluffing.”

“Well, excuse me if I don’t take it that way, Cat,” Travis snapped. “You just shaved fifty years off my life, damn it.”

“I said I was sorry.”

The other two men looked relieved.

“Why did you kill your laptop, Caitlin?” Nate asked, sagging into the chair in front of the desk .

“I figured out Hephaestus.”

“Fuck. What is it?”

“Hephaestus is the file that holds all the technical data—”

“Of what?”

“Seven tons of high-grade weaponized plutonium.”