Page 12 of It’s Always Been You (Always #1)
Caitlin opened the door to a smiling Sam Harper. The blond man was a new recruit of BSI and had been her constant shadow for the past two weeks whenever Travis was not around to keep an eye on her.
“Ready, Ms. Kincaid?” Sam smiled congenially.
Though barely out of his mid-twenties, he had a mature and calm carriage.
He couldn’t exactly be described as an attractive man.
His nose was crooked and wide at the base.
His skin had a few pockmarks; his eyes were beady.
He wasn’t a tall man either, but his fit physique screamed of power behind every step.
“I told you to call me Caitlin.” She smiled at him.
Her sleep and eat cycle lasted for two days; after which, Travis quickly whisked her to his personal physician for a full-medical checkup. Afterward, he took her straight to the CIA psychological rehabilitation facility called the NEST (Neurological she felt betrayed.
Her feelings for Jase were more platonic than romantic; she acknowledged that now.
And if Caitlin were honest with herself, sex between them was more of just a release.
She had never reached the degree of sexual tension that she was currently experiencing whenever she was in the presence of Travis.
Sam wasn’t much of a talker when he was driving.
Caitlin noticed how his eyes continually scanned the road before and behind them.
She resumed her recollection of the strange procedure from yesterday.
Dr. Lester turned her over to a technician in a lab coat who didn’t even bother to identify herself.
But Caitlin noted that the tech’s name plate read “Smith.” Really?
She was led into a room and sat in a reclining chair outfitted with an overhead helmet fitted with probes.
“Uh . . . what are we doing?” Caitlin asked the technician warily.
“That’s a neural spectroscope. It monitors your brain activity while we feed you images of decryption programs.”
At Caitlin’s blank look, the technician continued, “The machine has the capability to adjust biofeedback to enable your brain to relearn skills that are suppressed in the frontal and temporal lobes, which regulate decision-making and technical information necessary to re-establish your tradecraft.”
Hacking.
“How about my short and long term memories?”
The technician shook her head. “This won’t affect the recovery of that at all.”
Caitlin sighed as she pulled herself out of her ruminations when the car zipped down a slope into the underground parking of the building that housed the NEST. Sam found a spot near the bank of elevators. It wasn’t a crowded garage. Caitlin wondered who were the other tenants of the building.
They entered the elevator, swiping the ID that was handed to her on her first day at the facility. The number for the top floor immediately illuminated, and they were on their way.
When the elevator doors slid open, Dr. Lester was already waiting for her at the reception area. Caitlin was unsettled with the attention being accorded to her. Was she really that special? Or was it because she was sitting on top of $100 million?
“How’s your relationship with Travis going?”
Caitlin guessed they had finally moved on from the topic of Jase.
Fine with her. Five sessions devoted to talking about the man who had abandoned her on the side the road was definitely enough.
Or not. It would take her some time to forgive Jase.
Three years ago, when she awoke with no memory, she clung to him and immediately knew she could trust him.
That she loved Jase in the way he told her.
Knowing all that could be a lie was making it harder for her to trust another person again.
Besides, she wasn’t as vulnerable now as she had been in the beginning of her amnesia.
“Some days are easy,” Caitlin replied. “Other days, he seems impatient with me. He tries to hide it, but he can be an ass.”
Dr. Lester nodded in understanding. “I’ve explained to Travis that he can’t rush this.”
“You’ve talked to him about our sessions?” Caitlin asked, frowning. “Aren’t they confidential?”
“They are,” Dr. Lester assured her. “What I’ve told him are merely answers to questions he has regarding your progress. I explained to him it’s not simple for you to simply pick up from where you two left off, and he should be prepared for the possibility that may not happen.”
“When did you tell him this?”
“The other day.”
Caitlin groaned. “He’s been in a foul mood these past two days.”
“What do you feel for him right now, Caitlin?”
When he wasn’t being an ass? “I like him. A whole lot. He can be very sweet.”
“How so?”
“Both big and little things. Like when I was sleeping a lot—I know he’d look in on me because the curtains would be drawn or opened and I don’t remember doing that. I know I have a habit of kicking my blankets off, but they’re always snug around me.”
Dr. Lester inclined her head and a ghost of a smile played on her lips.
“And then when I’m awake,” Caitlin continued. “He always has food ready for me, making sure I’ve enough to eat. Then there are huge gestures like buying me a new car.” The Audi was a surprise; she wasn’t expecting anything fancy.
“You said he can be an ass?”
Caitlin huffed. “I guess I can’t blame him.
He puts so much effort into trying to get to know me.
But sometimes, I just need space to absorb all this, and he can be suffocating, and I tell him so.
He gets pissed. He acts like a petulant child instead of an adult and disappears into his study as if . . . as if . . .”
“He’s sulking?”
“Yes!”
The shrink smiled widely now. “Travis Blake is very much a man who likes getting his own way.”
“I figured that out earlier on.”
“He’s afraid to push you away.”
“I don’t understand. If he’s acting like a jerk, wouldn’t that be pushing me away?”
“Better than the alternative, which is forcing what he wants on you.”
“I’d rather see the real him than be blindsided later. If he is not a sulky ass but an arrogant one, it’s best he knows now he can’t boss me around.”
The doctor sighed, but Caitlin could tell she was disguising a chuckle. “Are you sexually attracted to him?”
“He’s a very attractive man.”
“That’s not an answer, Caitlin.”
“Then, yeah . . .”
“Enough to have sexual relations with him?”
Oh, God, yes . “Maybe?”
The doctor nodded and scribbled some notes on her clipboard. “That’s good. It’s important to acknowledge that you’re willing to move on from Jase.”
“I told you—Jase and I had been living like roommates for the past three months.”
“You won’t feel any guilt at all?”
“Why are we talking about this? I haven’t even slept with Travis.”
“But you think you will?”
“It’s strange to put them side by side. My awareness of Travis is so different from my awareness of Jase.”
“Explain. ”
“With Jase it was easy companionship. Like I’ve known him forever.”
“And with Travis?”
Caitlin considered this for a beat. “It’s electric. Sometimes there are flashes of familiarity. It jolts me like an emotion wanting to escape a visceral part of me.”
“That’s excellent, Caitlin. Your mind may not remember. But something intrinsic in your consciousness is trying to connect with Travis. In amnesia patients, that happens when there’s a very strong bond already in place.”
I’m not the one you love.
Oh, Jase, what have you done ? Caitlin thought as she remembered Jase’s parting words.
There was a knock on the door. It was the receptionist.
“I’m sorry, Dr. Lester, but Admiral Porter is waiting in your office.”
Dr. Lester didn’t look pleased. “Tell him we’ll be right out.”
When the door closed, the shrink turned her attention back to Caitlin. Her expression was grave. “I told the Admiral it was too soon. You know why they’re subjecting you to this battery of tests and psyche evaluations?”
“The hundred million the Russian mob is after,” Caitlin stated flatly. “Is there any chance that’s also the reason why Travis wants me to get better?”
Dr. Lester looked at her sharply. “What does your gut tell you?”
“He doesn’t care about the money.”
Dr. Lester nodded. “It’s not healthy that you’re harboring a smidgen of doubt regarding your husband’s intentions.
Trusting each other is very important and that’s our ultimate goal.
Once you trust him, you can open your heart and learn to love him again.
I want to discuss this at length with you at our next session.
But right now, let’s get you to the Admiral. ”