Page 27 of It’s A Little Bit Bunny (Fangs on Ice #4)

Twenty-six

Nikolai

W ith S?ren’s help, I’d set up a new training regime and a meal plan that focused on all the foods that supposedly helped with ADHD. I’d found a book on nutrition for ADHD kids that I’d inhaled.

What worked for kids surely worked for my grumpy ass, too.

Maybe it was a placebo effect. But it felt like it helped. It certainly didn’t hurt to cut out even the last of the ultra processed food I occasionally ate out of my diet.

I had another appointment with Dr Schmidt who asked me to meet regularly. So he could keep an eye on me, I supposed.

I’d tried to tell him that my suicidal thoughts were a thing of the past but no idea if he believed me.

It was fine, though. My life felt pretty damn good. I knew that this on-top-of-the-world-feeling wouldn’t stick around forever but I was at a point where I took what I could get.

Gardening with Jules had been a huge win, too. I’d tried not to gape at him too much, but he was just so freaking hot. I thought back to when we sat in the sun by his pond, with Barney stretched out by my side, and we talked about random crap.

He probably wouldn’t believe me, but it had been one of the best days of my life.

“Hello, Mr Lorenz.” Schmidt admitted me into his office and pointed to the visitor’s chair. “How are you today?”

“Oh, I’m pretty good. I think I’m slowly coming to terms with my weird brain, and being back with the team is so fucking good. Sorry,” I added after I realised what word I had just used

“Nevermind.” Schmidt chuckled and took a few notes. “I’m glad to hear this.”

I told him about the book I’d read, and how S?ren supported me as best as he could.

“He sounds like a good person.”

“He’s amazing. I wasn’t super excited for the whole yoga routine, but it’s been great for my flexibility and my brain, I guess.”

Schmidt beamed at me. “I’m so relieved to hear that you have such a strong support system. And you’ve been putting in so much work.”

“Well, I want to get out of this shit, and I want to learn what I can do to make it easier for myself. Work with my brain, you know? Not against it.”

“It makes perfect sense, yes.”

“And I’ve been thinking about what you said last time. I want to try it without medication first. See how far I get, and if it doesn’t work…” My voice trailed off.

“You can always tell me, and we can evaluate your options,” he finished my sentence.

“Great, thank you.”

“Of course, that is my job as your doctor.” He gave me a gentle smile.

“Thank you, anyway,” I muttered.

We fixed another appointment in two weeks, and I was off, back to the rink for some more time in the gym.

Back in my bed that night, with my body aching from an extra challenging workout at the gym, I had very little mental energy to think about my brain difference or about that beautiful man in the forest who I missed way more than I should.

I have no time to fall in love. But then again, I always had shit timing.

I turned over in bed and stared at the dark ceiling.

And Jules is worth it all.

Our back to back games and training regimen kept me away from Jules’ forest for so long that my affection for him ached like a physical wound.

“Alright, team.” Jerke blew his whistle. We all skated over to him like obedient dogs. Having played hockey since I was five, I had had more than my fair share of experience with coaches. None of them had ever had their team under control like Jerke without being an asshole. He was a natural born leader and a fantastic player.

“Take the afternoon off. I want you all well rested on the ice at eight tomorrow morning.”

“Yes, Coach,” we replied like school kids.

I checked the clock at the far end of the rink. It was barely one in the afternoon. If I got a move on, I could drive the twenty-five minutes out to the labyrinth and spend the afternoon with Jules.

What if he doesn’t want to see you?

I shut my inner voice down.

Nope.

I knew how my brain worked. The longer I didn’t hear from someone—and how could I when he didn’t have a phone or a computer?—the more I became convinced that they hated me, and that’s why they stayed away.

This is how you lost touch with basically everyone in the past.

No, it was going to be fine. He said he wanted me to come back. Why would that have changed?

Maybe he realised by now what a fake you are? Three imposters in expensive hockey gear.

Oh, fuck off.

“Bye, guys. See you tomorrow.” I shouldered my bag, waved at my teammates and was already on the way to my car.

It was only when I parked my car next to the labyrinth that I remembered I’d wanted to drop by a bakery to grab some coffee and baked goods for us. Shit . But then again, I didn’t want to bring trash into Jules’ life.

I bet he kept his forest clean from any litter. The idea of Jules in a cute outfit pottering around and picking up whatever the wind or the stream brought along amused me. I hated littering, though.

Some teammates had teased me when I had told off some of the teenagers who’d participated in the Blue Kraken training camp last year for littering. The little shits. I grinned at myself, as usual unable to control my facial expressions.

“Who do you think’s going to pick that up, huh? Do you think we throw our shit on the floor in our locker room? Coach would have our heads for that!”

They had scrambled to pick up the protein bar wrappers that they had discarded carelessly on the floor. Guns and Bo had fist bumped me, broad grins on their faces. Nate occasionally quoted me when one of us accidentally dropped something on the floor.

God, I love my team.

I needed to be back on form asap.

I don’t want to be traded.

I had to be a bit more careful when I approached the arch because a few people, an older couple and a family with three young kids, hung out at the labyrinth. Then I was through. It was as if a tremor ran through the land.

Is this his doorbell?

Barely five minutes later a slightly dishevelled Jules came down the forest path. It looked like he’d gotten dressed haphazardly, and his hair was a little rumpled.

Shit, did I wake him up?

For a moment I imagined him in sleep mode whenever I wasn’t there.

That’s silly, Nik. He has the chickens and Barney and his house and garden to take care of!

“Bunny!” A dazzling smile set his face alight when he spotted me. “You’re back!”

He came right up to me, a little too close to still be in the friendzone. Without thinking, I flung my arms around him.

Jules froze.

Oh shit.

“Damn, I’m sorry.” I let go immediately and took a step back. “Sorry, Jules. I was so happy to see you and…I shouldn’t have hugged you without asking.” My cheeks burned.

“It’s…hello, Bunny,” he croaked.

“I’m sorry.” I wasn’t. “It’s something humans do when they see each other…but I suppose it’s not your thing.”

“No, I don’t want to forget about it. I wanted to hug you, too, Bunny. It felt very nice.” Jules cleared his throat when his voice cracked on the last words.

“Come here,” I mumbled, taking a step closer.

Still stunned from how good it had felt to hold him in my arms, I took a step forward and flung my arms around him again.

Again, Jules stilled.

“You okay?” I whispered.

“No one has ever done that, Nikolai,” he admitted in a soft voice.

“Done what?”