Page 21 of It’s A Little Bit Bunny (Fangs on Ice #4)

Twenty

Nikolai

J ules blushed crimson, which was still the oddest fucking thing in the world. A magical creature, older than many trees in the forest around me, blushed because he called me Bunny .

“The first time we met, and you saw that I had changed, you looked like a bunny before a snake. So that’s what I’ve been calling you in my mind, Bunny.”

Laughter bubbled out of my mouth, and once it started, I couldn’t keep it contained.

Jules regarded me with curiosity as I wheezed and snorted and tears leaked out from under my eyelids.

“Sorry,” I cried, hiccupping slightly to get myself back under control. “But, Jules… Bunny ?” My renewed laughter echoed in the library, and I was sure this ancient creature had no idea what to do with an ignorant human like me.

“I apologise if you don’t like that name. I thought it was nice to have a name for you that isn’t your own. Isn’t that something humans do for their…friends? Forgive me if I got that custom wrong.”

“Oh Jules, I’m so sorry.” Wiping my wet cheeks on my shirt, I finally managed to get a grip on myself. He looked downcast. “Hey, that’s not what I meant.”

I strode over to where he perched on his desk. I barely resisted the urge to hug him. Instead, I evaluated the solid wood desk, decided it looked sturdy enough for both of us, and sat next to him.

“I wasn’t laughing at you, Jules.“

He gave me a doubting look, his mouth in a pout.

God, he is so pretty.

I wanted to lean in and kiss that pout off his face.

“Listen, Jules. My team has about 20 different nicknames for me, ranging from ‘German Thor’ to ‘Frosty Fortress’.” A tiny grin tugged on his lips. Good. “You got that right, okay? Friends have nicknames for each other, yes. ‘Bunny’ just wasn’t a nickname I expected to be called.” His face dropped to my mouth when I bit my lip to stop my grin.

“I had a few tests scheduled.” No idea why I told him this, but it felt relevant. These emotional outbursts, like tears or laughter when they seemed inappropriate, had been an ADHD trait I found during my research. I wanted to explain it to him so he could understand me better.

“Tests?” His voice was wooden, maybe even a little scared. “With a doctor? Are you sick, Nikolai?”

The thing lacing his voice was definitely fear.

Oh, Jules.

“No, I’m not. I told you when we first met that I was going through some shit.” Jules nodded. “I have been seeing a doctor, but he is a doctor for my brain, basically.”

“You’ve been seeing a therapist?” Of course he knew that word. He lives in a forest, Nik, not under a rock.

“Yes, my doctor is a neuropsychiatrist. He can prescribe medication and everything. And he guessed what was up with me and scheduled me for some tests. I have ADHD.”

Jules tilted his head to the side, his gleaming ginger hair falling over his shoulder.

“I am sorry, I don’t know what that is. Can you explain it to me? Science was never a topic I was too interested in.” His rueful smile warmed me to the core. Even if Jules and I would never be more than friends, I counted myself very fortunate to have him in my life.

“My doctor calls it a brain difference. It means that certain processes in my brain work differently than they do in someone who is neurotypical. Sorry.“ I chuckled. “I’ve learned all this new vocabulary. It feels like I have unlocked a new language, and now I can’t stop speaking it. So there is a way the brain typically works, and then there are other ways. Like mine.”

“So, your brain is different. Different is good.“ Jules smiled at me.

“Well, it makes shit really fucking difficult at times. But I’m slowly coming to terms with it. I’ve had a pretty weird month, Jules. That’s why I couldn’t be back, you know?” I rang my hands, trying to find the words to explain. Jules didn’t press the matter. He sat next to me and waited until I was ready to put my thoughts out into the space between us.

“It’s so strange to find out that you have lived twenty-eight years of your life without knowing there’s something different about you. I mean, I knew there was something wrong with me. But I didn’t know what it was.”

I fidgeted on the spot, something I had learned to stop doing when teachers told me off for bouncing my leg and spinning my pens. I had only remembered that when Dr Schmidt’s colleague asked me what I remembered from my early childhood. Since then I found myself fidgeting non-stop. It helped relieve the pressure in my head and quieted my thoughts. I couldn’t believe I had made myself not do it for two decades.

“I’m still not sure it has sunk in. I guess it will take some more time to come to terms with it. But I needed some space to process. I’m glad I’m here now, though.”

“So am I, Bunny.” He smiled at me. Knowing that he simply accepted that I was different made the whole thing a little more bearable. I was also thankful that he didn’t try to invalidate my feelings. My mum—bless her cottons—had immediately tried to tell me there was nothing wrong with me.

“Sometimes, I react in a way that doesn’t make sense to others. I remember when my grandmother died, and I started to laugh. Not because it was funny. But because my confusing feelings around losing her overwhelmed me.”

Jules reached out and took hold of my hand. Looking down, I realised I had fiddled with my cuticle. A drop of blood bloomed on my skin.

“Don’t hurt yourself,” he murmured, then let go again.

“Yeah, thanks.” It took me a moment to find my composure again. “So when I started laughing, it wasn’t that I was making fun of you, okay? I need you to know that.”

Again, he listened and gave me space to find my way through this conversation.

“It was unexpected. And a little bit funny.”

“A little bit bunny ,” Jules said with a wink, making me laugh.

“Yeah, that’s it. Damn, the last few weeks have been a little bit bunny .”

I got up from the table top.

“Come on, I wanna see the rest of the house.”

Jules got up too, straightening out his tunic and leading the way to the door.

“Follow me, Nikolai. There is plenty more to see.”