Page 19 of It’s A Little Bit Bunny (Fangs on Ice #4)

Eighteen

Nikolai

I had an appointment with Dr Schmidt to go over my test results a couple of days after the game.

“Mr Lorenz, good to see you.” He held out his furry hand. I shook it.

“Hi, Dr Schmidt.”

“Please.” I took the visitor’s chair across the desk from him, feeling like a pupil in the headmaster’s office rather than a functioning adult.

You didn’t do anything wrong. Chill the fuck out!

I’d always felt like that, and it drove me nuts. I always imagined I was one meeting away from being called out for being a clever imposter who’d tricked his way into wherever he was.

And after over twenty years of me feeling wrong they finally tell me I have a weird brain. Great! Thanks!

Over the past couple of days doubt had crept in. How could they be so sure it was ADHD? Maybe I just sucked.

“So, my colleague already informed you about your diagnosis.”

You have a vivid imagination, and you’re an excellent trickster.

“Yeah…” I hedged.

“The results were so clear we might call this a high score, not that I would have expected anything less from you after what you told me about your career progression.” Schmidt winked at me and righted his round spectacles.

“Yeah, your colleague told me. I still haven’t wrapped my head around it.”

“It will take a while for you to come to terms with it. We often observe similar struggles in late-diagnosed adults.”

“Struggles? What struggles?” I snapped sarcastically. “You mean the fact that my brain is fucked up? Nothing changed and my life just fucking broke! I’m still training every day, and when I have a day off, I still head to the gym. Hell, I even started doing yoga!”

“I understand that you’re upset, Mr Lorenz.”

“I’m not upset!” I barked, breathing like a bull. “I’m—” But I didn’t even know what I felt. My insides were in turmoil, my emotions an unidentifiable mass in my chest.

“It’s okay. You have every right to be angry or confused.”

Both. I was both. And sad. And scared.

Shit, I hadn’t even realised I’d jumped to my feet with my fists balled. Then the fog lifted, and I flopped back into the chair. Hiding my face in my hands, I tried to calm myself with the breathing technique S?ren had taught us.

Schmidt didn’t speak until I eventually looked up. An understanding smile sat on his lips, exposing his sharp canines.

“Unfortunately, I can’t tell you what changed. We’ve observed that adults sometimes lose their ability to mask. You told me about your dating history. It might have been that or something else. A change in diet or exercise routine, a move, or simply the moment when you couldn’t hide that part of you anymore.”

“So what do I do now?”

My neuropsychiatrist spent the next ten minutes explaining my “brain differences”, as he called it, then gave me my options.

“The medication we can offer you isn’t a cure all, but it can help you cope better. We recommend ongoing therapy, and keep those forest walks up. They seem to do you good. Maybe find a hobby…”

Don’t blush, Nik!

“I enjoy the walks, yes. I…” Could I tell him? Anything I said was confidential. “I, uh, met someone actually.”

“Oh?” Schmidt’s smile widened.

“Yeah, he lives with his pet on a homestead. We met on one of my walks and became…friends.”

Great, now I’m blushing.

“That’s good to hear. You need friends.”

“It’s been nice to talk to someone who’s not on my team. I mean, I love them like brothers. But it’s still work, you know?”

My doctor nodded.

“Jules, that’s his name. He has chickens and everything. He invited me to garden with him.”

“I’m sure that would be great to compensate for your demanding job. I saw you play on the weekend. You’re back on the roster?”

“Not officially, no. Coach asked me if I wanted ice time.”

“And you said you did?”

“Yeah.” I gave him a reluctant grin. “I missed it. The team seemed happy to have me with them, too.”

“How did that feel?”

“Fantastic. But also… I feel like I let them down, you know? Like I’m weak or something.”

“I can see why your brain would tell you that, but I disagree. Admitting that you needed help, and then asking for it takes a lot of strength, Mr Lorenz. Don’t you think you’re actually doing something for your team trying to get better?”

He’s got a point there.

“If you put it like that…”

“I’d like to see you again in a week or two. Sleep on it and see if you’d like to try the medication. And keep up the walks, Mr Lorenz, will you?”

“I will.”

It’s not like I want to stay away from Jules anyway.

We fixed an appointment for the week after next and said goodbye.

Jerke put me on the roster for the next game in Veitsreuth, and I spent the next few days training hard. We lost against the Füchse thanks to Chase Harper, who hammered four goals past Guns. But not even that could put a damper on my mood.

Harper was the only player who managed to get under Guns’ skin. Our usually stoic goalie lost his temper with him every single time.

Saturday morning, I got up early, hopped in my car, and drove back to the granite labyrinth.

Back to Jules…

The more I visited him, the easier it got to find the arch. It was as if his forest wanted me back with its keeper. Maybe it noticed the changes about him like I did.

Barely twenty minutes after I went through the arch, Jules came up the path. He walked with a spring in his step, his eyes shone, and his hair gleamed even more than when I’d first met him. It was quite beautiful to watch him blossom.

“Nikolai,” Jules called. He hesitated as he came closer, as if he wasn’t sure if I was real or just a dream. “You are back.”

“I told you I would be,” I muttered, having no idea what to do with my hands.

How could I tell him that I had spent the past three weeks pining for him? That I had managed to go for daily walks instead of hanging around in my flat drained after training because the small wooded park behind my house reminded me of him, and I could pretend he was waiting for me behind the next corner?

Like a child with his imaginary friend.

I stuffed my hands into my shorts’ pockets and pushed one of the pebbles at my feet across the forest path.

“I didn’t think you meant it,” he told me in a low voice.

My eyes snapped up to his. They were mossy green with flecks of gold, like sunlight peeking through a canopy of leaves; they were eyes to get lost in.

“I wanted to…” I trailed off, biting my lip hard.

You can’t tell him you wanted to see him again.

Jules gave me a shy smile. “Me, too.”

In silence, he led me down the winding forest path until we arrived at his home.

“Barnabas will be happy to see you.”

“Me, too.” I repeated his words, shooting him a sideways grin. His Wolpertinger had taken to me, and I to him.

“And so am I. It’s…nice…to have a guest.”

I was sure he’d been about to say something else.

“You don’t have a lot of people who come to your house? You said you didn’t like surprise visitors.”

“No,” Jules huffed. “There are not a lot of people who—well, come in, please.” He flung the door wide and let me enter ahead of him. The house still took my breath away.

Creatures had been a part of my reality since I had been a child, but magic had not.

“I fucking love your place. It’s so gorgeous,” I blurted out before I could stop myself. Then I blushed, feeling like a silly fanboy in his idol’s house as I gaped at the bright white stone walls held together by winding trees and by the magic of the man next to me.

“I’m glad you like it.” Tearing my eyes away from the grandeur of the room, I met Jules’ again.

I want to get lost in them.