Page 9 of Irreverent (The Marked Saga #7)

The day dragged on like hardening molasses. I avoided Trace for most of the day, doing my best to give him the time and space he asked for while trying to hide the fact that it was damn near killing me to do it. Every class we had together, every time we passed each other in the hallway…it was utter hell. I realized then that the only thing worse than not ever getting the chance to feel that special soulmate bond was actually being stuck feeling it all day and not being able to act on it.

Slamming the front door shut behind myself, I tossed my schoolbag onto the floor, kicked off my shoes and then stomped my way into the kitchen in search of some food. Being that I had avoided the lunchroom during lunch break and hadn’t brought anything to eat from home, I was pretty much starving by the time the final bell rolled around.

I threw open the refrigerator door and then grimaced at the complete lack of actual food on any of the shelves. Because, of course, I forgot to do the groceries. Again. I was seriously failing at this living-on-my-own thing.

Giving up, I slapped the fridge door shut and then startled as my eyes landed on Gabriel standing quietly in the entranceway like a freaking spook from some grisly ghost realm.

“Look, if you’re going to be staying here, you’re going to have to not do that,”

I growled through gritted teeth.

“Do what?”

“Walk around making zero sound and then scare the crap out of me by standing creepily over my shoulder.”

“That’s not really what I did,”

he argued and then instantly regretted it as I speared him with a look of death. “I take it you had a bad day at school?”

“What gave it away?”

I asked tartly as I opened and shut all the cabinet doors in search of something to eat besides expired cereal. “Why is there nothing to eat in this stupid house?” I had no idea why I was asking him. The guy didn’t even eat food.

“I presume it’s because you forgot to stop at the grocery store again.”

“That was a rhetorical question,”

I muttered, throwing daggers at him as I watched him walk over to the kitchen table and pull out a chair for himself.

“I spoke to Tessa today,”

he announced as he leaned back in his seat and met my eyes.

My glare intensified. “Are you actively trying to make me feel worse?”

“You’re going to have to talk to her eventually.”

“She tried to kill Dominic,”

I reminded him, my voice wrought with disgust for my sister. “If it wasn’t for Trace’s Alt stepping in through time and space to stop it, we’d be having a very different conversation right now. Like making funeral arrangements for her,” I said only partially joking.

“She was only doing what she thought was best, Jemma. He hurt you and with his emotions turned off, at the time, she couldn’t see an end to the suffering he would’ve caused you.”

“It still wasn’t her call to make. She doesn’t get to just waltz into town every few months and throw a wrench into my entire life. I didn’t need her to make those decisions for me then and I don’t need her now,”

I said, crossing my arms as if to drive home my point.

He went silent for a moment, which in my experience, was never a good sign. “She’s with your mother,”

he finally informed, his voice and eyes somber.

My heart dropped at the mere mention of the woman-turned-vampire that gave birth to me. I felt myself shudder, but I quickly recovered. “And? Is that supposed to mean something to me?”

I answered icily.

“I think you should hear her out, Jemma. Both of them.”

I rolled my eyes at him. “What else is new? You always take Tessa’s side.”

“I’m not taking anyone’s side. This isn’t about sides.”

“Says the guy not taking my side,”

I grumbled out petulantly.

His expression turned serious. “Tessa said your mother has information about you. About your bloodline and the abilities that stem from it. I think it would be wise to at the very least sit down with them and see what she has to say.”

My mind snagged on the part about abilities stemming from my bloodline. AKA Lucifer’s bloodline. It may have been a very distant bloodline, but it was an active one nonetheless and I still had no idea what that meant for me.

“I’m sure I don’t have to remind you that we need all the help we can get right now. I think it would be a monumental mistake not to at least hear her out.”

While the angry grimace never left my face, I was indeed thinking it over.

What if she did have some bombshell piece of information that would finally answer all of the questions I had about what I really was? About my unique blood and what it meant for my abilities? Questions like why my blood appeared to protect Revenants? Or how I managed to freeze time at All Saints and then again with Engel?

Something told me those things were just the tip of iceberg. Because despite all the strange happenings, I had yet to decipher what my abilities even were, let alone how to harness or control them. Most days, I couldn’t even distinguish where my abilities began, and someone else’s ended. What if my mother really was the key to unlocking it all? To solving the mystery that had plagued my life since I arrived in Hollow Hills?

I supposed it would be wise to hear her out.

What could it really hurt anyway?

I’d already been burned by my mother twice; once when she left me as a child and then again when she deserted me last year. I’d already learned to live without her, and I intended on keeping it that way. She couldn’t hurt me anymore. Not in that way, and one more conversation with her wasn’t going to change that.

Because I wouldn’t let it.

“Fine. I’ll talk to them,”

I said and then narrowed my eyes at him. “But if Tessa so much as looks at me the wrong way, I’m going to string her up by her ankles and hang her next to Dominic.”

And I wasn’t even kidding.

***

After soaking in a bubble bath for an hour while my Knight in Shining Leather Gabriel made a run to the grocery store for me, I emerged from the hot water feeling like a brand-new person. Obviously, it hadn’t solved any of my actual problems, but it did help me temporarily push them back into the murky recess of my mind, giving me just enough time to wash and recharge my body while I dutifully waited for the next shoe to drop.

After drying off and then dressing, I headed downstairs in search of Gabriel and the goodies he had picked up and was disappointed to see that he had not yet made it back. Unsure of what to do with myself while I waited, and not wanting to sit and obsess over the hunger pangs roiling through my stomach the entire time, I decided to venture down to the basement to check in on Dominic.

Even though I told myself that I was just biding my time while I waited for Gabriel to return, a part of me knew it was more than that. So much more. I longed to be next to him. To see his face and be in his presence again. I missed him with the whole of my heart; with the kind of dull, unrelenting ache that never left my body no matter where I went, or what I did. It was an open wound that refused to heal.

Easing the prison cell door open, I crossed the concrete slab and made my way over to where he sat motionless and hunched over as though he were fast asleep. I wished so badly in that moment that I could talk to him—to the real Dominic. That I could sink all the way into the depth of his arms and breathe a sigh of relief as he magically made the world better for me. Just like he had done countless times before. My heart lurched painfully as my mind wandered of its own volition, wondering if I would ever again get the chance to experience that with him.

What if the bloodbond with Gabriel didn’t work?

What if Dominic never came back to me?

My stomach twisted and churned at the foreign thoughts that invaded my mind without my permission. I couldn’t even bear to follow through with the questions, let alone be able to survive the answers. There were so many unknown variables. So many ways this could end badly. So many what ifs…

No. Screw the what ifs. I couldn’t let myself go there. I couldn’t allow myself to fall into that black hole. I was going to get him back. I was going to find a way to get him to turn his emotions back on or I’d kill myself trying.

“There you are.”

I jumped at the sound of Gabriel’s voice, stumbling backward and nearly knocking myself onto my ass in the process. Pressing my hand against my racing heart, I turned and glowered at him. “I swear to everything in the sky, Gabriel, I’m going to sew a fucking cat collar around your neck.”

His expression twisted with apology. “I thought you heard the front door.”

“The ones that have those annoying little bells dangling from the front,”

I went on, picturing him wearing one as he crossed the room to join me in Dominic’s makeshift prison cell.

“Very funny,”

he deadpanned, as though I were joking.

“Maybe I’ll even get you some matching elf shoes and sew those on too.”

“Point taken,”

he said evenly and then crossed his arms over his chest. “I’ll try to be louder next time.”

“Yeah, that’s probably for the best.”

“What are you doing down here anyway?”

he asked, his curious gaze careening from me to his brother and then back again.

I suddenly felt extremely self-conscious, like I’d been caught doing something I wasn’t supposed to be doing. “I was just making sure he’s okay.”

His eyebrows bunched together. “You know you don’t have to worry about him in this state. He’s in a time-freeze. Nothing will happen to him while he’s incapacitated.”

I shrugged my shoulders. “I know, I just…I guess I needed to see him.”

He nodded, understanding filtering into his eyes. He didn’t need to be bloodbonded to me to know how much pain I was in without Dominic. He had been there from the start; seen what had grown between his brother and I long before I worked up the nerve to look at it for myself. He knew because he was my friend.

“What if I’m wrong about this?”

I asked, anguish piercing my chest like a hot poker.

I had no idea why I was second guessing myself or where all my newfound doubt was coming from, but it was making me feel sick to my stomach. Were we utterly batshit crazy for even attempting this, or was I just doubting myself because of how badly things had soured with Trace today?

He scratched the back of his neck and gazed down at his brother. “Then we’ll think of something else—if and when that time comes.”

I swallowed roughly as the question I didn’t want to ask purged itself from my mouth. “What if there isn’t anything else? What if he’s really gone?”

“He isn’t gone,”

answered Gabriel, as though it were fact, but I could hear the uncertainty threaded into each of his words. He was just as unsure about everything as I was. Neither one of us had any clue what the future held for Dominic, and I wasn’t sure if that made me feel less alone, or more.

I wrapped my arms around myself as Gabriel turned to me, his eyes assessing.

“You need to eat something,”

he reminded, worry crumpling his brows again.

“I’m not hungry anymore. I lost my appetite.”

“Then force yourself. You need to eat,”

he repeated insistently, his tone hardening at my refusal. “You won’t be any use to him or anyone else if you end up collapsing from starvation.”

As much as I wanted to dig my feet in the ground and protest, I couldn’t really argue that.

It was painfully obvious that I was neglecting even the most basic human needs, like sleep and food, and we both knew I wouldn’t make it to the end of the month if I kept this up. I desperately needed to get myself together, and if I couldn’t do it for me, then I needed to do it for Trace and Dominic.

Because who was going to save their asses if not me?

Tossing one more glance at my incapacitated Dark Angel, I looked up at Gabriel and nodded. “Lead the way.”