Page 17 of Irreverent (The Marked Saga #7)

Gabriel showed up at my bedroom door nearly ten minutes later, looking nervous and a little disheveled, as though he’d run his hand through his hair one too many times. He quietly closed the door behind himself and then just stood there, not saying a word to me and not taking a single step inside the room. It was bizarre, even for Gabriel, and I had no idea what had gotten into him.

Undeterred, I hopped off my bed and made my way over to him, reaching around him as I locked the bedroom door and then straightened. “You’re late. Did you get lost or something?”

“No, I—”

He pushed his hand through his hair and then flexed his jaw, his back ramrod straight. “I wanted to feed once more, just in case.”

“Just in case what?”

I chewed my lip as I stared up at him.

He shook his head as his gaze darted over my shoulder. “Just in case it wasn’t enough.”

“Oh-kay,”

I said, drawing the word out because that was super unnecessary. We hadn’t had any issues in the past and frankly, he was only gaining more control over himself with every session. Then again, this was Gabriel I was dealing with. Clearly, his safety obsession knew no bounds.

“Should we sit on the bed?”

I asked, thumbing behind myself. I mean, obviously. We weren’t going to stand by the door the whole time like a couple of weirdos.

“No, I’m fine right here.”

I blinked at him. Alrighty then. Stand like a couple of weirdos it is. “You’re acting really strange,”

I pointed out as I presented my wrist to him and cocked an eyebrow.

“Am I? I don’t think that I am.”

“And you’re a horrible liar too.”

I dropped my arm in frustration and then narrowed my eyes at him. “What’s wrong? Why are you being so weird?”

“Nothing is wrong, it’s just…”

His voice tapered off as his gaze drifted over my shoulder again. “I’m not entirely comfortable being in your bedroom.”

“That’s it?”

I scrunched my nose at him. “Jesus. I thought it was something serious.”

He leveled me with his eyes.

“Quit being so dramatic,”

I said and then paused. “And what the heck is wrong with my bedroom?” I asked, having just remembered to be offended by that. “It’s a perfectly good room.”

“Yes, it’s a very nice room,”

he agreed, still not relaxing in the least. “I just don’t—I would prefer—Never mind. It’s not important. Let’s just get this over with.”

“Fine by me. You’re the one that brought it up,”

I said, shaking my head at him as I offered my wrist again, noting the previous bitemarks hadn’t yet healed. Frowning, I made a mental note to remind myself to dig up that healing bangle that Caleb had made for me and make sure all the tracks disappeared before Trace had a chance to see them.

Gabriel’s fangs clicked out as he picked up my wrist and brought it up to his mouth. “Where should I…?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

He nodded but didn’t move after that. He appeared to be mulling something over in his mind, his eyes roaming over my skin as though intrigued by it. His other hand came up and uncurled my fisted hand, the pad of his fingers dragging against my open palm as he finally lowered his mouth to my wrist.

I winced as his teeth broke through the sensitive skin, but as always, the pain was fleeting and inconsequential. A long, breathy sigh escaped my lungs as his venom entered my body, overshadowing absolutely everything and everyone else.

It was a feeling I had grown to love and hate in equal parts. Love because of what it did to my body and my mind. The feeling of bliss and weightlessness all wrapped up in a pretty package. But I also hated and feared it because of how much I craved it. How much I was a slave to the ecstasy it brought me.

The seconds turned to minutes and then time melted away completely. My legs weakened as the venom raced through my limbs, touching every part of my body—every cell that made me who I was. And suddenly, I wasn’t anything anymore. I was no longer the Daughter of Hades or a Slayer or the offspring of the Devil himself. I was weightless and free as a bird, sinking, falling, drowning into the abyss of peace and painlessness.

It was exactly what I imagined Heaven would feel like.

Unable to hold myself up, I tipped forward against Gabriel, vaguely aware as he wrapped his arm around my waist and held me there against him. I could feel his fingers digging into my skin, into the small of my back, burrowing in as though he wanted to break the skin there too. As though he wanted to fill my entire body up with his markings.

But there was no pain there. No resistance. No regrets.

With every level of bliss I climbed, my body grew weaker and weaker still until my legs buckled beneath me, causing Gabriel to rip away from my wrist in order to catch me before I crumpled to the ground. With both hands firmly gripping my waist, he lowered his head and examined my face, his eyes as black and full as a starless night.

“I’m fine,”

I muttered, my lids fluttering happily as I tried to stave off the worry creeping into his expression. “It’s just my legs,” I explained, unperturbed. Hence the reason why I’d wanted to do this sitting down. My stupid legs were always the first thing to give out.

“Maybe we should take a break—”

“No. I don’t want to. We need to continue,”

I stressed, knowing that the session hadn’t been nearly long enough to count. At least that was what I was telling the insatiable addict inside me.

He gave in easily and then tightened his hold on me before spinning us around so that my back was pressed against the door. Then he leaned his body into mine, using his form to anchor me where I was and keep me from falling to the floor prematurely.

“Better?”

he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Much.”

I peered up at him and then faltered at the feelings and thoughts I was suddenly inundated with. But they weren’t my feelings and thoughts. They were…his.

He hadn’t wanted to stop either, even despite his protests. Because he liked this; the closeness between us. The way my blood felt inside his body. The way the warmth of my skin heated his own. It made him feel alive again. And then I wondered how I could even know that? How I could be so utterly sure of what he was feeling? Unless…

Unless something was finally happening. Was the bloodbond finally beginning to take shape between us? I couldn’t be sure, but something was telling me that we needed to push forward—to take this to the next level.

“My neck,”

I murmured, desperate to continue, to see how far we could push it without breaking. “I can cover the tracks later.”

His dark, boundless eyes danced across my face, as though silently debating within himself. As though there was a quiet war being raged right there inside his heart. Curious, I quieted my mind and tried to connect to him. To feel what he was feeling again. And then, as easy as dialing into the right frequency, I felt him.

He was hesitant to continue. Afraid. Conflicted. Like the neck was too personal; like he wasn’t sure it was a good idea to cross that line. But why? What was the emotion behind it? I couldn’t seem to reach it. It was almost as though there was a wall there, blocking me from fully entering.

“How odd…”

I whispered to myself.

“Excuse me?”

I shook my head as I pulled back, breaking off the connection. “I think it’s starting to work. I can feel…something.”

He furrowed his brows as he peered down at me. “What do you mean? What are you feeling?”

“I’m not sure yet,”

I said, not wanting to say anything until I was absolutely sure. “But I think I’m feeling some of your feelings, if that makes sense.”

He retracted his fangs and tried to step away from me, but I quickly reached up and grabbed his upper arms to stop him.

“What are you doing? We have to continue! We’re finally getting somewhere.”

“I think that’s enough for tonight,”

he said, his expression withering.

“What?”

I practically shrieked the word in his face. “Did you not hear me? I said I think it’s starting to work.”

“Yes, I heard you just fine.”

He swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat.

“Then why are we stopping?”

He dragged his hand down his face and shook his head. “I…I need a break.”

“A break?”

I searched his face for clues that would explain his sudden odd behavior but came up completely empty. “Gabriel, what’s going on?” I asked, reaching my hand out to touch him—to connect.

He immediately backed away from me as though I were a burning bush of poison ivy.

I tried not to feel offended by that but failed miserably. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

I snapped.

He pushed both hands through his hair and then met my eyes. “Things are becoming…very intense.”

“Okay,”

I answered, drawing the word out as I tried to connect the pieces in my mind. “Isn’t that the point, though?”

“It doesn’t feel right,”

he said as a mixture of distress and guilt distorted his features.

“Why not?”

“It just doesn’t!”

he snapped, almost shouting the words out.

Whatever the hell was going on with him, it was making him spiral. I needed to calm him down—to draw him away from the ledge he was teetering on and bring him back to solid ground. I wasn’t sure how I knew, but something was telling me that this had everything to do with the emotions I’d felt from him earlier and the corresponding guilt that was probably eating him alive inside because of it.

“You don’t have to feel guilty about enjoying this, Gabriel.”

His gaze shot to mine as though stunned by what had just come out of my mouth.

“You’re a Revenant. Blood is what your body is designed to consume. There’s nothing wrong with it, especially not when the person you’re getting it from is happily giving it to you,”

I reminded him, my voice as soft as I could make it.

His Adam’s apple plunged as he swallowed.

“I begged you to do this for me—to bond yourself to me. You enjoying it makes me feel a whole lot less shitty about the enormous burden I asked you to carry for me. I want you to enjoy it,”

I said as I reached forward and grabbed the seam of his fitted dark green t-shirt and tugged him back to me.

His gaze clasped onto mine, studying my face as though he were looking at an abstract painting, trying to figure out the artist’s meaning behind it.

“I’m giving you permission to.”

And apparently, that was all he needed to hear.

My breath hitched as he pushed forward, his hands splaying against the door behind me as he closed the gap between us and then lowered his face to my neck, hovering there. My skin prickled as his breath coasted over my skin for what felt like minutes upon minutes. For a moment, I had doubted that he was actually going to do it, and then as if wanting to prove me wrong, he clicked out his fangs and drove them into the delicate skin below my ear.

Thick hands squeezed my waist and my stomach tightened as memories of Dominic flooded into my mind, confusing and exciting me all at once. It was as though my dark angel was right there—close enough to touch, but somehow still out of my reach. And then I realized that if I held my breath and closed my eyes just right, I could almost imagine that it was Dominic feeding on me and not Gabriel. That my dark angel was once again breathing life back into my lungs.

Sinking into the bite, my wanting hands moved up the length of his arms, reaching all the way to his shoulders as they glided along the soft fabric of his t-shirt before locking together behind his neck.

A growl sounded from deep in his chest and I imagined that was Dominic too. I imagined all the ways he used to respond to the slightest movement or noise I made. The way he lived to consume and possess me. The way I lived to be consumed by him. In that moment, with the venom running freely through my body and my arms wrapped tightly around his neck, it almost felt like I was doing just that.

And then…

“I have to stop,”

gritted Gabriel, his mouth mere inches from my neck, his breath making the open wound feel cool as he spoke to it. “I need to stop.”

“Why?”

I asked, confused since I hadn’t even come close to approaching my usual blackout state that always signaled it was time to stop. “I’m fine. I can handle more.”

No. scratch that. I wanted more.

“Dammit.”

He let go of my waist as though I’d just scorched him and then flattened his hands against the door on either side of me again. “You’re making it very hard for me to stay focused here.”

I looked up at him and squinted. “What do you mean? What am I doing wrong?”

“Not wrong. Just…”

His jaw tensed, as though he were struggling to find the words. “It’s too much. You’re clouding up my head, Jemma,” he finally answered, as though that explained everything.

It didn’t. “I don’t understand. How am I clouding your head?”

He dropped his head at my questioning look.

“Gabriel? How am I clouding your head?”

I asked again.

He cursed under his breath and then leveled his eyes on me. “You’re projecting certain emotions onto me—emotions that I can’t distinguish from my own. And you are…you’re moaning.”

“I’m mo—oh.”

Oh, my god. My face burned with the blistering heat of a thousand suns. I couldn’t have been more embarrassed if I had tried doing it on purpose. The way he was looking at me…it was as though I had committed the worst kind of crime imaginable. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that. I mean, I didn’t realize I was doing, you know, that.”

He withdrew one of his arms and then scrubbed his face with his hand. “We should stop for tonight.”

I nodded my head profusely. Frankly, it was the only movement I could muster.

He withdrew his other arm and then stepped back from me. My skin prickled and flushed as he stared at me, seemingly transfixed as a deep frown made the skin around his eyes crease and crinkle with regret. And then he looked away like he couldn’t bear to look at me for a second longer.

My heart sputtered as I wondered if this was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Had it finally become too much for him to handle? He was clearly getting trampled by all the emotional turbulence involved in this process. What if he pulled out completely? What if he couldn’t do this for even one more day?

“Gabriel?”

He was slow to meet my eyes. “Yeah?”

“Are you going to back out of this?”

I asked as a thick block of sorrow settled in my chest.

“No,”

he answered, but it was far too quiet to be convincing.

I dropped my head, unable to hide the doubt from my face.

“I don’t want to,”

he clarified and then met my eyes with remorse. “I’m trying my best not to. But…I need a break.”

I nodded, the nagging uncertainty in the pit of my stomach refusing to ease. He had reached his limit. I knew it as surely as I would take my next breath. “I’m sorry for putting you in such a messed-up position,”

I said as I reached out and picked up his hand. “I never meant for it to cause you so much grief.”

He stared down at our connected hands, as though he were confused by them. Troubled. “You don’t need to apologize. I knew the risks when I agreed to do this,”

he said and then pulled his hand back. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

Shuddering from the chilly blowback of his cold and distant words, I forced out a nod and stepped out of his way. “Right. See you in the morning,”

I said as he opened the door and quietly left my room.

In that moment, it was clear to me that while the bloodbond had finally begun to take shape between us, something else between Gabriel and me had also changed.

And I wasn’t entirely sure it was for the better.