Page 2 of Irreverent (The Marked Saga #7)

With Dominic safely incapacitated in my basement prison, Gabriel and I moved our conversation upstairs to the kitchen. Neither one of us said anything as he moved to take a seat at the head of the kitchen table while I busied myself rummaging through the cabinets in search of food. Unfortunately, with everything going on, I had yet to have a chance to properly settle into the Blackburn Estate or do anything remotely normal…like grocery shopping.

I glanced back at Gabriel and frowned as I took him in. He was sitting in the spot my Uncle Karl used to sit in, staring forward in ear-splitting silence with his fingers interlocked in front of him and a pensive look on his face. The poor guy looked shell-shocked, like someone had swooped in out of left field and dropped a nuclear bomb over his entire life.

Granted, that was kind of what I did.

“Are you doing okay over there?”

I asked tentatively, not wanting to scare him any more than he already was.

“Hm?”

He looked up at me.

“You look like you might have some thoughts on what I asked you downstairs.”

“Thoughts? Yes, I most certainly have some thoughts,”

he answered, his tone as solemn and grave as a eulogy.

Of course, he had thoughts. What I was asking of him—it was crazy and dangerous, and Gabriel was neither of those things. He was a good guy. A rule follower. A shiny white knight who always tried to do the right thing. The proper thing. And this plan of mine? It was anything but by-the-book.

This was going to be a very long night.

Pulling out a box of cereal, I inspected the expiry date. “Does cereal go bad?”

I wondered aloud.

“I beg your pardon?”

“Fruit Loops,”

I clarified and held up the box for him to see. “Do they actually go bad?”

To be honest, I wasn’t even hungry. My stomach had all but soured and closed Friday night. Mostly, I was just looking for a distraction; something to do with my hands and mouth to keep from having the other conversation—the insane conversation, even if for only a few moments longer. I knew I was going to have to beg, scream and cry to get him to even consider this asinine idea of mine, and I wasn’t particularly in a rush to get to that part.

The whole thing kind of felt dirty and wrong.

“I haven’t the slightest idea,”

he answered.

I pushed my nose inside the open box and inhaled. “It doesn’t smell bad,”

I mumbled, mostly to myself. “I’m sure it’s fine. Right? What do you think?” I asked, throwing a glance in his direction.

He glared at me. “I think we need to stop talking about cereal and start talking about what you said to me downstairs.”

“Right.”

Well, apparently the jig was up. So much for delaying the inevitable.

I dropped my shoulders and then slowly turned to face him; the cereal box still cradled in my arms like a teddy bear. My lips parted to say something, but nothing of value came to mind.

Where do I even start with this?

How the hell was I going to have this conversation with him? Where was I going to find the words that would convince him to do the impossible when I couldn’t even manage to get a single sentence out. My tongue felt like cement and already my legs were screaming to buckle from the pressure of it all.

Gabriel sighed, as though taking pity on me, and then motioned to the chair beside himself. “Please sit down.”

Sitting. Yes. That was a good idea.

Setting the cereal box on the island counter, I slowly crossed the room and joined him at the table by the bay window. Though the sun had already set hours ago, the full moon provided more than enough light to illuminate the thick fog hovering over the grounds. There was something haunting yet strangely comforting in the way the mist danced in place, as though it were somehow alive and watching, waiting for the main event to rear its ugly head.

Gabriel’s brows knitted together as he let out a long, heavy breath. “Do you have any idea what you are asking of me?”

There were so many emotions swirling in those moss-green eyes of his, it was making me dizzy just looking at him.

“Of course, I do,”

I answered, but that was a bold-faced lie. Because of course I had no idea of the true ramifications of what I was asking him. I mean, bloodbonding ourselves together? That had to be the craziest thing I’d come up with yet. And that was saying a lot. But what other choice did we have? What other option did I have?

If there was another way around this, a better way, I’d be the first one in line for it. But I didn’t have diddly squat. No other ideas. No backup plans. Nothing.

“Apart from the fact that we have no evidence that this idea of yours will even work, we’ll be going into this completely blind and without the security of the Immortal Amulet.”

I grimaced. As if it wasn’t bad enough that Dominic had turned his emotions off or that Trace had a ticking timebomb in his head, or that Nikki was getting ready to birth the Anti-Christ, I’d also managed to destroy the one thing that had kept me safe all these months. The one thing that had brought me back from the brink of death too many times to count.

All I had left now was a small velvet satchel filled with the shattered pieces of the ancient gem that had been with me since the first days of my new life in Hollow Hills. I had no idea if it had any protective power now that it was in pieces, but I’d kept it close to me just in case. At least until I knew for sure one way or the other.

“Give me some credit, Gabriel. I’m more than aware of the shitty predicament we’re in or the monumental favor I’m asking of you, but I don’t know what else to do at this point. I have zero ideas and zero insight into how any of this is going to go down, but if you have a better idea, then please, go ahead and clue me in.”

I raised my eyebrows and waited, hoping something might magically come to him, but of course, it didn’t.

Truth be told, I wasn’t all that excited about the prospect of being bloodbonded to yet another vampire either, but it was the only thing that made sense at this point. And at least this time, I’d be going into it with my eyes wide open and fully aware of the long-term consequences.

He dropped his gaze and frowned, his forehead creasing from the gesture as he pushed his hands through his hair. “This could go wrong in so many ways, Jemma.”

“But it can also go really right.”

His gaze snapped back to mine. “Providing it even works in the first place. Which it very well may not.”

“Well, we won’t know unless we try, right?”

His shoulders sagged at my refusal to back down. “I want my brother back as much as you do, but this is dangerous. I’m not the right candidate for this.”

“You’re the only candidate for this,”

I corrected. “You’re the only one I trust to do this with, Gabriel, and I know you wouldn’t hurt me—”

“Not intentionally,”

he interjected, and I nodded, understanding the difference. “But my bloodlust is barely being contained as it is. Doing this could unravel everything. It could open a door that I might not be able to close.”

The severity in his voice gave me pause. He sounded so unsure of himself—so afraid of what he could potentially do to me if this thing went wrong.

Dammit.

Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe we were just asking for a whole new set of problems on top of the ones we were already drowning in. But then…what was the alternative? I couldn’t just let the demon inside of Dominic consume him until there was no part of him left. I had to at least try something and right now, this was the only ‘something’ we had.

I just had to find a way to get Gabriel on board. To ease his fears just enough for him to consider this…

“If you’re really that worried about not being able to control yourself, there’s plenty of ways for us to minimize the risk.”

His gaze turned curious. “Such as?”

“Such as asking someone to supervise us,”

I suggested—purely for his benefit. Frankly, I preferred we kept this whole thing between the two of us, but I also wasn’t willing to just let this idea die over a technicality. It was the only plan we had that had any hope in Hell of working. Nothing was off the table. “We can ask Tessa or Trace to be there with us through the bloodsharing to make sure nothing goes wrong.”

Gabriel shot me a look of disbelief. “Neither one of them will be okay with this. You do realize that, don’t you?”

I did, but that was a whole other can of worms I wasn’t planning on opening just yet. “Then we’ll find someone else.”

He dragged his hand down his face as though wiping away some unwanted image.

“I know this can work, Gabriel. I saw it happen with my own eyes when Engel tried to bond himself to me. Dominic saved my life by overriding Engel’s bloodbond. Are we really going to just ignore that fact when there’s a chance we can do the same thing for him? Don’t we have to at least try?”

I asked, my voice getting higher and more frenzied with every minute that passed without his agreement.

“This is different, Jemma. I’m not Dominic.”

He dropped his head, making it known that he had zero confidence in himself. “Dominic was accustomed to human blood. To Slayer blood. I am not.”

“But you’re getting better at it every day,”

I reminded, refusing to let him discount himself so easily. “I know in my heart you can control yourself, Gabriel. You’ve done it before. And you’re my friend, aren’t you?”

“Of course, I am,”

he answered curtly, as though he didn’t see what that had to do with anything.

“Then that means you care about me…right?”

His cheeks darkened. “You know that I do. Very deeply.”

“So, trust that. Trust that you will protect me, just like you’ve always done since the first day I met you.”

Gabriel’s jaw muscle tightened, but he appeared to be thinking about it.

“Come on, Gabriel. I can’t just sit around and do nothing. Not when I know in my heart that this could work. I need him back.”

I could feel a ball of sorrow forming at the back of my throat, though I promptly swallowed it down before it had a chance to fully form. “You’re the only one I would ever trust to do this with.”

He gave me a pointed look. “How can you possibly have that kind of trust in me when I don’t even have it myself?”

“Because that’s what friends do,”

I answered honestly. “They see the good in each other even when the other person can’t see it for themselves. And for as long as I have known you, Gabriel, you have always been all good. I know you would never hurt me,” I said without a shadow of doubt inside my heart. “Besides, it’s not like we’re total virgins going into this. You’ve already tasted my unicorn-flavored Slayer blood, and guess what? We survived.”

At the mention of my blood, Gabriel’s eyes dilated but he quickly corrected himself before I could think long enough to worry about it. Honestly, even if he hadn’t, I wasn’t sure there was anything that could derail me at this point.

“Please, Gabriel. We can do this. I know we can.”

The tension in his shoulders eased as he met my desperate, pleading eyes. Exhaling a long breath, he sat back in his chair and gave a slow, barely-there nod. At least, I thought it was a nod.

“Is that a yes?”

I asked, unsure I could trust my eyes.

He looked at me for a long moment. “It’s…a conditional yes.”

“Okay.”

I chewed my bottom lip. “Meaning what exactly?”

“Meaning that if anything even looks as though it may be starting to go wrong, the deal is off.”

He clenched and unclenched his hands as his gaze traipsed over my face, as though he were trying to pinpoint something that refused to stay still for him. “I would not be able to live with myself if something happened to you and most certainly not at my hands.”

“I know that.”

My lashes lowered as a pang of guilt touched my chest. A part of me hated myself for putting him in this position, for even asking this of him in the first place, but there was literally no one else I could ask.

And I had to do this. I had to at least try. For Dominic.

A quiet moment passed between us as we both took in the weight of what we’d just agreed to do. If this ended up working, I was going to break my bloodbond with Dominic and instead be bonded to his brother Gabriel. What would that mean for our friendship—if anything? Would it change the way we felt about each other? I quickly shook the disturbing thoughts away before they could burrow into my heart and plant their seeds of doubt.

“Tessa is not going to be happy about this,”

stated Gabriel, his solemn voice breaking the shared silence.

“Is Tessa ever happy about anything?”

I answered back, only half kidding. I mean, it was a legitimate question.

He met my eyes and then cracked a small smile. “It’s happened once or twice before.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. At least he hadn’t completely lost his sense of humor. Or what little of it existed in the first place. No doubt Tessa was a tough pill to swallow, but somehow, Gabriel had always managed to find a way to handle her without choking on her jagged edges. Clearly, the guy was a saint.

Still, I couldn’t ignore the pull my sister had over him or wonder about all the ways that pull might get in my way.

“What happens if you tell Tessa what we’re doing, and she loses her shit over it?”

I asked, the thought having just occurred to me. “I mean, I don’t want to cause any trouble between you and my sister.” And more importantly, I don’t want him folding like a cheap lawn chair if she openly forbids us to do this.

“It’s not a matter of if,”

he said as he propped his elbows onto the table, his leather jacket protesting from the movement. “She will most certainly lose her shit,” he said and then ran his hand along his jaw, his eyebrows drawn together in unease as he thought about it.

“And when she does, what will that mean for us?”

I asked wearily, picking at my nails as I avoided direct eye contact. I didn’t want him to see the desperation in my eyes—to see just how much I was relying on him to do this. Honestly, I was afraid it might scare him off.

He thought about it for a moment and then answered, “I won’t be asking for her permission, if that’s what you’re wondering. I’m simply going to keep her informed of our plan. As a courtesy.”

My brows shot up with a mixture of surprise and then doubt.

“Is that so hard to believe?”

he asked, examining my face.

Honestly? Hell yeah it was, I thought, though I kept that part to myself. The truth was, I wasn’t used to him not putting Tessa directly above everyone and everything else. Maybe he was finally stepping out of her shadow and making his own decisions for once. One could only hope.

“It’s just…surprising,”

I answered cautiously and then quickly added, “In a good way though.”

He ducked his chin in a nod, but there wasn’t much enthusiasm behind it. He already knew he was going to go to the Gauntlet with her on this and if I knew my sister, she was going to make him regret the day he was born. I couldn’t help but feel responsible for the storm that was undoubtably headed his way. The last thing I wanted to do was cause problems for him in his life. Well, besides asking him to bond himself to me in soul, body, and mind, that is.

“We can always just keep it between the two of us,”

I suggested quietly, purposefully. “I won’t tell if you don’t.”

He gave me a weary look. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why not? What Tessa doesn’t know won’t hurt her. Besides, it’s none of her business anyway. What we’re doing doesn’t affect her. This is between me and you and Dominic.”

“Yes, but you’re her little sister, Jemma.”

“Right—Sister. Not daughter. Not property. I can make my own decisions and so can you,”

I added pointedly. “You don’t owe her ‘the whole truth and nothing but the truth’, you know. She’s not your wife.”

He considered it for a moment and then started to shake his head, tossing her right back at the top of the totem pole.

“What if I asked you not to tell her—as a favor to me?”

I wondered aloud before I had a chance to think better of it. I knew this line of questioning would lead us to nowhere good, but I couldn’t seem to shut my petulant mouth up. “Would you go against my wishes and tell her anyway? Hypothetically.”

His expression turned pained. “You’d be asking me to choose between you and your sister.”

I supposed in a way I would be, and while I wasn’t entirely sure I would ever ask him to make that kind of decision in real life, I still wanted to hear his answer. To hear him say it. Because I knew he’d always pick Tessa over me, and frankly, I wanted to know why. What hold did my sister have over him? Was he afraid of her? Did he owe her something? Or was it something much more complicated than that?

“Are you in love with her?”

I asked suddenly, realizing I’d never actually had this conversation with him. I figured now was as good a time as any to know, being that we were about to enter into a bloodbond together.

He jerked back in his chair, as though he were stunned by my question. The corners of his mouth twitched with irritation, though I wasn’t sure if it was because he was annoyed with the question, or with the fact that he was having such a hard time answering it.

“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but it’s pretty obvious you guys have something going on.”

I just wasn’t exactly sure what that something was.

The crushing silence seemed to go on forever. And then…

“What Tessa and I had, if it was ever anything at all, happened an entire lifetime ago,”

he finally answered, his stare distant and forlorn, as though caught in the relics of all the things that could have been.

I waited for him to say more, to convey all the juicy details of what had gone on between the two of them, but he offered nothing more than the pained look of a love that once was but was never meant to be. At least that’s what it looked like to me. Not wanting to make him dig up something that was obviously uncomfortable for him to talk about, I decided to drop it. For now.

We had far more pressing matters to contend with anyway.

Maybe one day he’d tell me all about it. Tell me what happened between the two of them and where they stood now. But tonight was not that night. Tonight, we were going to set Gabriel’s inner beast free.