Page 19

Nothing prepares you to see someone you love in the hospital.

It's brutal. No matter what it's brutal.

Possibly even more so if you're a child, and it's someone who raised you, protected you all your life.

Hooked up to machines.

Oxygen tube attached to their nose.

The ominous quiet, only interrupted by the constant beeping.

I inhaled deeply.

Beeping was good, I reminded myself.

It meant Dad was alive, his heart still beating . Even from here, stalled in the entrance to his nondescript, sterile room, I could see his chest rising and falling with the cadence of his breaths. His eyes were closed. Mom's were too. She was fast asleep in a chair pushed close to the bed, her head resting on the mattress beside their clasped hands.

I looked at them and wanted to cry.

A river of tears.

God, how I'd missed them.

For the entire first week of the tour, I'd stayed awake wondering if I'd made the right decision, wishing I could go home if only to hug them, be near them , see them for a few seconds. When I finally returned, I never thought it would be like this though.

Making sure the door closed softly, I walked into the room, wheeling my suitcase, not stopping until I reached the chair.

"Mom?" I said quietly.

She didn't move.

"Mom?"

"Don't wake her," Dad said. "She's been through a lot."

My eyes snapped to his, and he was looking back at me with a sleepy smile.

"Hey, Ror."

"Hey, Dad," I croaked.

"When did you get here?"

"Just now."

"I thought you were on tour with that band."

"I was. I am. I just…wanted to see you."

Dad lifted a brow. "Well? How do I look?"

"Terrible," I said with a watery laugh. "But good too. I missed you."

"Oh, I missed you too." He frowned. " Baby, are you crying?"

I opened my mouth to respond, but Mom stirred, lifted her head. She saw Dad first and smiled, then her eyes landed on me. She blinked.

"Am I dreaming?" she said.

I shook my head.

Mom looked at Dad, who grinned.

"It's not a dream, Lil," he said. "Our daughter came home."

"Why?" Mom asked.

I shrugged. "Freya told me what happened with Dad. I was worried, wanted to check on him."

"What she's saying," Dad said, "is I'm the favorite."

Mom waved him off. "Sure you are, Clayton. We already knew that."

Her eyes stayed on me, examining my features.

"What is it, Mom?" I said.

"I feel like I haven't seen you in years," she said. "You look different."

I rolled my eyes. "It's only been a few weeks."

"She cried every night, Ror," Dad said.

"Your father's obviously still high on the meds they've been giving him," Mom said to which Dad laughed quietly. " But Aurora, that's why I didn't say anything on the phone. Y ou're supposed to be out there, conquering the musical world. Not here worrying about us."

"Too late," I said.

"Will you get in trouble?"

"I don't know. I hope not."

"But the tour…"

"Isn't as important as being here." Her eyes were teary, and mine were too. "It's good to see you, Mom."

"You too, my girl."

Dad sighed. "Will you two just hug it out already? I feel like you both need it."

We laughed and did just that then gently pulled Dad in too.

It was possibly—no, it was definitely the best hug ever.

"So, am I allowed to sleep in here?" I asked. "The nurses at the front desk seemed really strict about the only one overnight visitor policy."

"It's fine," Dad said. "The nurses love me."

"He's not wrong. They do." Mom scoffed. " And s leep? Who's needs that? I want to hear all about what's been going on with you."

"But you and Dad already know everything."

"Do we though?"

I felt my brow furrow as she stared at me.

"Isn't there something you may have forgotten to tell us?" she prompted.

"Like what?" I said.

"Oh I don't know… maybe AF? Otherwise known as Ferora?"

My eyes widened before I could stop them, and she pointed at my face.

"Yes, I know all about it."

"How?" I asked.

She shrugged. "I may or may not have joined an online group."

"You what?"

"She's been very active on it too," Dad said with a yawn . "Your mom's a top fan."

Shaking my head, I asked her, "Why would you do that?"

"Well," she said, "since you never mentioned it, I felt like I had to."

Mom's eyes were sparkling with interest, and the stubborn set to her mouth let me know I wouldn't be getting out of this until I spilled my guts.

"Clayton, you sleep while we talk," she said.

"But I want to hear about Ferora too."

"And you will," she said, tucking the covers around him, laying a gentle kiss on his forehead. "You know I'll tell you whatever I learn."

"Awesome," I muttered.

"You are the best wife," he said.

"I know," Mom said.

Ten seconds later, Dad was fast asleep.

"I want to hear everything," Mom said.

I gave a small nod. "Okay."

"I especially want to hear about the boy."

"Which one?"

"Funny." She tilted her head. " Also, I won't tell your dad about certain things if you don't want me to."

"But you said—"

"I know. That was to give him peace of mind. You're my daughter. You can tell me anything. I'd never betray your trust, and your dad will be cool with that . You with me?"

"I am," I said.

"Good. So, who's Felix?"

The question was a hard one. "I have no idea how to answer that," I said honestly.

"Start at the beginning and bring me up to speed. You know how much I love tea , Ror . Spill."

I told her.

Let everything out. Mom and I talked well into the night. She laughed, frowned , and got misty-eyed . The release of talking to my mother, completely unfiltered, was another thing I'd missed.

And it felt so good I almost started crying again.

#

The next morning was interesting for more reasons than one. The test results came back. What Dad experienced was not in fact a stroke, TIA, or anything close—thank God. After hearing this, he was raring to go. Mom went out to stretch her legs. And I tried to loosen my limbs after sleeping in the semi-uncomfortable, all-hospitals-have-them recliner . As we were waiting for Dad to be discharged, he had a sudden craving for fast food.

"Dad, you're in a hospital gown," I reminded him.

"Yeah, and I'm rocking it," he said.

"You can't get out of bed to go and get a pizza."

"Why not?"

"Because you're recovering from heat exhaustion?"

He released a long exhale. "Okay, Aurora, you win. B ut get that frown off your face. I've never felt better."

Mom came in and smiled. "That's because you're finally going home."

Dad whooped.

"The doctor talked to me outside . He'll be in in a second to make it official. You ready?"

"Heck yes . I miss my bed."

She looked at me. "Aurora?"

I nodded. "I miss my bed too."

"That's because you've been cramped on that bus for so long."

"It's actually surprisingly comfortable," I said.

The doc came in, recommended Dad stay hydrated, take cool showers, and relax for the next few days . Then he told us we could go. My father hopped out of bed, went into the bathroom, and changed faster than I could blink.

"Let's go home," he said.

On the way, we called in an order and picked up a pizza.

It was odd, but when I walked through our front door, the one I'd entered probably a million times before, it didn't feel the same. Wonderful. Coming home was amazing. It made my body feel lighter somehow. And yet, it wasn't quit e the same.

I remembered what Mom said the night before about how I looked different.

Maybe she was right.

"What are you going to do?" Mom asked.

I sent her a smile over my shoulder. "Practice violin for a little bit."

"And then?"

"Hope I don't get kicked off the tour."

I sighed.

"Hope that Taylor and Izzy aren't mad at me for not telling them I was leaving."

Felix too, I thought, but he probably hadn't noticed I was gone.

Even if he had, I wasn't sure he'd care.

"And pray that by some miracle, I can make it back for the next performance."

"Where is it again?" Dad asked.

"The last one was in Miami. The next one's in West Palm Beach, not tomorrow but the next night. We have soundcheck too."

I shrugged.

"I mapped the drive, and I'll have to leave super early to even have a chance at making it."

"I thought that rich kid's grandma let you use her plane," Dad said.

"Private jet," Mom corrected.

"Yeah, she di d. But she didn't give me free reign to use it forever," I said and placed my hands on my hips as I stared down my dad. "I thought you were asleep."

He gave me a smile. "That's because I wanted you to think that."

"Dad!"

With a laugh, he patted me on the shoulder and said, "I love you, Ror . It'll work out."

I gave him a dubious look.

"You really think they'll be able to find another violinist on such short notice and with just two tour stops left?"

"Yeah, they probably can."

"But not one as good as you," he said.

Mom tugged me to her in a hug . "I'm sure they'll still want you. And if they don't, they 're dumb as rocks."

I embraced her and nodded into her shoulder.

"We could always drive you there," she said.

Leaning back, I said, "What about work?"

"I can take some time off."

"But Dad just got out of the hospital. The doctor said he's supposed to relax."

She bit her lip . "I could do most of the driving."

I frowned, thinking about how taxing it would be on them physically, the expense of travel, both gas and lodging, and the fact that I wasn't sure of my welcome.

"What is it?"

"Maybe this is a sign," I said, "that it's time to stop dreaming and go back to my normal life."

" Or it could be a test to see if you'll let this stop you. I know you, Ror . You're not a quitter."

Mom sounded sure even if I wasn't.

Felix's warm eyes flashed in my mind, making my heart clench.

"I'm not sure I can face him again," I said quietly.

Her smile was full of sympathy . "You can. And if you don't, I think you'll regret not saying goodbye."

"Mom…I miss him already."

"And I'd bet everything I have that he misses you more."

I sighed, still unsure about what to do.

"You'll figure it out," Mom said. "You have time, Ror . Just breathe, and the answer will come to you."

#

The time passed quickly.

I spent most of it playing violin, hanging out with my parents, trying (and failing) not to think about Felix, sitting outside in a park re-reading my tour diary, and/or sleeping like the dead.

Before I knew it the day of the HERS show arrived. I got up before dawn and was ready to go. But…

I was still no closer to a decision.

My cousins, however, all agreed.

"You have to go back," Viola said simply, staring at me through the computer screen.

"But I can't," I said.

"Can't and won't are two very different things, Ror."

Lottie nodded. "She's right. Don't let some guy determine your actions—even one as amazing as Felix."

"Amazing?" Scarlett sniffed. "I'm still not over how he told you he wanted to date you then ditched you. Just like that."

"Ouch," I said.

But Freya was nodding her head. "I know, right?" she said. "I used to be a Felix Cordova fan, mostly because he was the other half of Ferora, but I'm still not over the inconsistency."

"Right?" Scarlett said.

"To be totally fair," Lottie said, "it sounds like Ror wavered a bit too."

My eyes widened when the others didn't dispute her claim . "Excuse me? How did I do that exactly?"

"Well, you didn't say I love you."

"Which is so weird for you," Viola said.

"Yeah, you always say it to us," Scarlett put in.

"You're my cousins," I said. "It's easier to say it to you. We might as well be sisters."

Lottie smiled. "Sisters can be a lot sometimes. Right, Scar?"

"So true," her older sister said back , "but we're getting off topic. Ror, do you want to finish the tour or not?"

I nodded.

"Then you should."

"You make it sound so easy," I said.

Freya shrugged. "That's because it is. You want to go back, so do it. Say hi to your sometimes-fake-sometimes-real boyfriend while you're there. "

"At least go finish the tour," Lottie added. "We'r e coming to see you at the final sho w. You'll only have to get through this one performance alone."

"Then you'll have reinforcements," Viola said with a smile.

"And if Felix gives you any grief," Scarlett said, "we'll be there to run interference."

"That does sound good," I said then shook my head. "But you guys, the show is tonight. How am I supposed to get there?"

Silence.

"I can't let my parents drive me . Dad just got released from the hospital, and Mom should be here with him. Even if I could get a plane ticket at this point, I can't afford it." I glanced around, searching for an answer that wasn't there. "Hayden's grandma rocks, but I don't feel comfortable asking him or her for another favor. I'll never be able to pay them back for the first."

No one spoke for a moment until…

"What about Felix?" Scarlett said out of the blue.

My eyes locked on her. "What about him?"

"Has he contacted you? Called or texted?"

"No." I released a humorless laugh. "He's probably glad I left."

"Wouldn't bet on that," Viola said with a small smile.

"Now, he doesn't have to deal with me or my awkwardness."

"Something tells me he likes your awkward," Lottie said.

My brow furrowed as I scanned their faces. There was a small chance my laptop screen was playing tricks. I'd brought it with me outside specifically because I could see my cousins bigger and more clearly than on the phone. And they could see me too. But maybe the light was affecting my eyes. I couldn't think of a reason for the change in their expressions. A second ago, they were all doom and gloom like me. But now…

The four of them looked downright delighted.

"Why are you smiling like that?" I said.

Freya answered first. " I think I'm a Felix fan again," she said.

"What changed in the last two minutes?"

" Ah nothing. It's just hard to hate that face. You never said he was even more handsome in person. "

"How do you—"

"I think I'm a fan too," Lottie said. "Felix seems like the kind of guy who understands the power of a grand gesture."

I blinked. "And you know this how?"

She shrugged, but the grin on her face only grew.

"Clearly," Scarlett said with laugh, "we were all wrong about him."

"I'm withholding judgement until I hear what he has to say," Viola said.

Seeing my confused look, she rolled her eyes.

"Turn around, Ror."

"Why?"

"Just do it."

I was suddenly equal parts excited and afraid to look.

"Princess," a deep voice said.

He was here.

I could feel him standing behind me.

Still, when I finally turned, I couldn't believe my eyes.

Felix stood there with his hands in his pockets. I drank in the sight of him as if it had been years, not days since we'd last seen each other. As if I was dying of thirst, and he was a tall glass of life-giving, delicious water . Felix was wearing the black leather jacket that I loved . His dark hair was perfectly disheveled. His lips were tipped up slightly in a smile as I stared.

"Say something," Freya hissed. "I don't think he'll wait forever."

"I'll wait as long as it takes," Felix said.

"Ooh, good line," Lottie said.

"A little too smooth," Viola said, "but for him, it works."

"Felix," I said. " Why are you here? How did you know where I was? Why aren't you with the band? Shouldn't you be getting ready for the show?"

He ran a hand through his hair. "Your parents told me where you were," he said, and I felt my eyes go round.

"You spoke to my mom and dad?" I asked.

"Yeah . I went to your house first. I don't think they like me much," he said.

From my lap, I heard Scarlett scoff then say, "That's because you hurt our girl."

His eyes softened . "I didn't mean to."

"But you did," Viola said. "Aunt Lillian and Uncle Clayton may never forgive you."

"I'll win them over," he said so confidently that my cousins laughed.

I couldn't fault them for it.

My parents knew how to hold a grudge—especially my mom—and especially when it concerned me. But something in Felix's gaze made me believe him.

Still…I didn't understand why he'd care if they liked him or not, considering he was the one who asked for space.

"It's good to see you," Felix said.

" You too," I replied. "But again, why are you here and not with the band?"

"Everyone misses you. London was going a little crazy without you."

He shrugged.

"I volunteered to bring you back."

We were silent for several seconds.

My heart fluttered at his words, but I fought the feeling.

Then Scarlett whispered, "This is better than Netflix."

"I know," Lottie said, "so romantic."

I bit back a smile as Felix grinned.

Viola shushed them, saying, "Be quiet. You're ruining the moment."

Freya sighed. "Look at how they're staring at each other."

"Okay," I said, "I think I need to go guys."

"But—"

"We'll talk later. Sorry, love you."

I closed my laptop, and the sound of their protests ceased.

It was only Felix and me.

"Just so I have this straight," I said, glancing at Felix as I stood, "you actually volunteered to come get me?"

"Heard you might need a ride."

He cleared his throat.

"And I may have thought you left because of me."

I frowned. "That 's a little conceited."

"I've been called much worse, princess."

"And that wasn't why. I had to leave for my dad."

"I know that now."

"I wasn't running," I said.

"You weren't? Even a little bit?" Felix arched a brow in challenge, and I lifted my chin in response. "Good, then it shouldn't be an issue , us traveling back together."

"Nope ." I crossed my arms. " Though I don't know how we'll make it in time."

"Two words. Private jet," he said.

I gave him a slow smile. "How did you manage that?"

"Gigi loves me."

She's not the only one, I thought.

But my cousins had a point. If I never told him, did it even really count?

"So, will you go with me?" Felix asked.

"I'll go with you," I said.

Anywhere.

Anytime.

Because I wanted to finish the tour. And because despite how hard I tried to fight it, no matter how much I wished it wasn't the case, I had missed him.

So much.