Page 15

I thought I'd feel different.

After admitting my truth (or part of it) to Felix, I assumed there'd be a change, that maybe even my appearance would be altered . But as I stared in the mirror , after doing my deep-breathing pre-show ritual, I was the same as always. Better hair, makeup, and clothes courtesy of the band's amazing stylist, but underneath all that?

I was the same person.

And my heart was still harboring a secret.

That must be it, I decided.

Despite my awkward confession, I hadn't told Felix everything.

The big L word never left my lips.

Which was good all things considered.

It was too soon. I was too young and inexperienced to know better. And Felix probably would've thought I was crazy.

Our sushi "group date" was a ton of fun. Everyone loved the food. No fights broke out—a clear difference from the previous night, thankfully. And we got back in plenty of time to prepare for the concert.

Felix didn't say much at lunch.

To me or anyone else.

But that was okay.

I didn't take offense, and I'd known when I confessed to him that he likely didn't feel the same. Didn't take the sting out of it though. He didn't say it back. And his non-response replayed over and over again in my mind.

"Enough," I said to my reflection. "You're here to play violin. That's it."

The hope in my eyes hadn't dimmed, but that could've been the makeup.

"The thing with Felix? It's fake. Just like it's always been."

There we go.

The light was definitely less intense now.

The truth hurts, I thought.

But at least I knew where we stood.

Those were my thoughts as I walked out of the bathroom. I didn't expect Felix to intercept me on my way to the stage, pulling me down an empty hallway. The look in his eyes was determined.

"Sorry," he said.

"For what?" I asked.

"I'm about to break one of your rules."

He walked forward until my back pressed against the wall, leaning in until our lips were only inches apart.

"But"—I licked my lips—"I only have one."

Felix nodded, placing a hand against my cheek and the other on my waist.

"Sorry, princess," he said.

And then he kissed me.

Hard, thorough, expertly.

His tongue brushed against my lips asking for permission, and I granted it, opening for him. The kiss deepened, turning into something vital, stealing my breath. It was a claiming kiss. But I claimed him right back.

When we finally came up for air, I felt unsteady.

"I never answered your question," he said.

"What?" I said.

"About why I wanted to take you out."

I shook my head. "It doesn't matter."

"Yeah, it does."

"Our group date was a success. There's no pressure, Felix. You don't have to say anything."

His eyes moved over my face. "I know."

I thought he'd stop there, but he didn't.

"But I think I will because you're not seeing it."

I swallowed. "Seeing what?"

"I want you."

I waited.

But he didn't take it back

"Is there more to that statement?" I said quietly.

He shook his head slowly. "I just want you."

My cheeks grew warm. "Oh."

"I asked you on a date, so we could be alone when I told you."

"Oh," I repeated.

Felix's lips twitched. "But you beat me to it."

Remembering my confession, I buried my head in his chest with a groan. "Please don't remind me." When I looked back up, he wore a small smile. "So, you weren't just asking for a fake date? To make Ferora even bigger?"

He arched a brow. "I think AF is big enough. Don't you?"

Standing on my toes, I kissed him again.

"You broke your rule," he pointed out.

"Told you I was a rulebreaker," I said.

We heard the five-minute warning, advising us to get to our places, the show was about to start.

Felix leaned back and met my eyes.

"Just so we're clear," he said, "I like you like you too."

The butterflies in my chest went crazy.

As we walked out of the hall, gathered our instruments and joined the band, there were several questioning looks thrown our way. I felt like I had something on my face. A big sign that said, I just made out with Felix.

As if reading my thoughts, he whispered in my ear, "Your lipstick's smudged."

"It is?" I asked, eyes wide. "Oh no, Mercury's going to be so upset."

"Here, let me."

As his thumb pressed along the outline of my lips, I held my breath. Felix leaned back, and there was a spark in his eyes.

"There."

"How does it look?" I asked.

"It looks like you were kissed and kissed well," he said.

Feeling shy and fluttery all at once, I swallowed.

"You look beautiful."

"Thanks. You do too."

Luckily, Taylor stepped up to address the group with a peptalk.

Which also gave me some much-needed time to recover.

"Alright everyone," she said, "we're past the half-way mark of the tour now . Santino's wrist should be better for the next stop. HERS is trending—and so is Ferora. " Taylor gave us a nod then added, " Go out and give them a great show. It should be smooth sailing from here."

If only she'd been right.

#

The trouble started a few days later.

I woke up early. Nothing unusual about that. I was often the first person awake. Sunlight filtered onto the bus and around the curtain of my bunk, but I didn't move a muscle. There was no need. I didn't think anyone else was up yet, couldn't hear shuffling or movement on the bus. Plus, at some point during the night, I must've turned over because Felix was the first thing I saw.

And I had to admit.

It was a beautiful sight.

His eyes were closed.

Thick dark lashes rested against his cheeks.

Every feature, including his sharp jaw and cheekbones, seemed softer somehow.

I gave myself a mental shake.

I really needed to stop doing this. Gazing at a slumbering Felix had become something I looked forward to. There was always a new detail I hadn't noticed before. Like the small star-shaped birthmark next to his ear—or the little scar beneath his eyebrow .

I wondered how that happened.

As I watched, Felix's lips tipped up.

Must be having a good dream, I thought.

But then he said, "You watching me sleep again?"

Startled, I didn't answer right away, and his eyes opened slowly.

"Don't worry," he said. "I do it too. But with you."

I released a quiet scoff. "You do not. You're never up first."

"That's what you think."

I studied his features, looking for signs of a lie, but came up empty.

"I like when you wake up then pretend you're still sleeping so I'll hold you longer," he said.

"I don't do that."

Much, I mentally added.

I wouldn't do it at all—but it just felt so good.

Felix nodded . "Sure, you don't."

Forcing a frown, I said, "If you're trying to embarrass me—"

"I'm not."

"Then why did you say that?"

"Because it's true," he said and gently ran his thumb over my cheek. "Can't think of a better way to start my day."

I threw him a smile. "In a twin bed with surprisingly soft sheets?"

"No," he said. "Next to you."

I didn't know if his touch or his words moved me more.

My heart was basically a puddle at his feet.

"Nice line," I said softly.

"You're the only one I've said it to, princess."

"Essie was right."

"About what?" he asked.

"You are smooth."

A loud squeak and the sound of arguing broke our moment . It was getting louder. With one last look, Felix rolled out of the bed, and I quickly followed. Once I was upright, I stood in the aisle, trying to make sense of what I was seeing. Ryker had Santino pinned against one of the bunks with his forearm . London was glaring at him, standing there with her arms crossed.

"I told you it's nothing," London said.

But Ryker didn't respond, keeping his death glare locked on Santino.

"What she said ." Santino lifted his hands as if to say I'm innocent . "Look, you got the wrong idea."

"You were in bed with her," Ryker said lowly.

My eyes widened.

"I saw you together."

"Yeah, but it's not what you think," Santino said.

"I think you were in her bed."

"Okay, then it is what you think." The usually smiling bass player winced as Ryker twisted his arm. "Hold up, man. My wrist."

"Should've thought about that before."

Hayden stepped forward with Elliot in tow.

"Somebody want to tell me what the hell's going on here?" Hayden said.

Santin o shook his head. "Ryker's losing it."

"I can see that."

"What happened?" Elliot asked.

Ryker turned to him with a dark expression. "Santino's sleeping with your sister."

"What?!?"

"I found them in bed together."

As Elliot's eyes moved to Santino, he shook his head, looking betrayed and confused. "I repeat what?"

London stepped forward and held up a hand. "Listen, this is all a misunderstanding. Ryker charged in as usual and immediately jumped to the wrong conclusion."

Ryker shook his head. "I know what I saw."

She sighed in frustration. "What you saw was two friends helping each other out. It was a mutually beneficial situation. "

"Explain," Elliot said, but it was more of a request than a demand.

"We all know Santino has a problem," she said . " He'll sleepwalk his way into anyone's bed. I'm sure he's tried that with each of you at some point."

"Yeah," Ryker said with a sneer, "but we kicked him out. Unlike you."

London's fists went to her hips. "And? I don't see how who I sleep with is any of your business."

Steam was practically coming out of his ears, but Ryker said nothing.

"Anyway, as I was saying, Santino has issues. Tons of them."

"Not that many," Santino mumbled, but London ignored this.

"He came to me the night I got here. Said he needed a body to cuddle. No one else would share a bunk with him. So I figured why not?"

Elliot shook his head. "You said mutually beneficial. What was in it for you?"

London's cheeks went pink, and I realized I'd never seen her self-conscious.

"I've been having nightmares again," she said quietly.

"About him?" her brother asked.

She nodded. It was clear the person in question wasn't Santino.

"Oh Lo, I thought that was over."

"Me too, but they came back."

There was a beat of silence.

" I thought having another person there might help," she finished with a shrug. "It didn't really stop the nightmares, but that was my deal with Santino."

Ryker dropped his arm.

"That doesn't sound so bad," Hayden said.

"Are you going to keep sleeping with him?" Ryker asked London.

She exhaled in exasperation. " I don't know. Probably."

"Why?"

" It helps him." London 's gaze was defiant if a little hurt . "You know, Santino, your friend?"

Santino nodded. "I t really does."

The big drummer shot a look at Elliot next . "You can't be okay with this. He's a player, and that's your little sister."

Elliot gave him a shrug and tucked his hands into his pockets. "I don't have a problem with it. They're just sharing a bed. So long as London's good and Santino's good, I'm good."

Ryker looked like he was seconds away from breathing fire. As his eyes landed on London, I could feel the animosity there.

"Why are you still here?" he said.

"Ryker," Elliot snapped, but it didn't deter him.

"Don't you have your own life to get back to?"

London played it cool, pushing her hair back over her shoulder. "I do, but I'll leave when I'm ready, not before."

"No one wants you to leave . Everyone wants you here ," Felix said, throwing his brother a stern glare . "Isn't that right, Ryker?"

His older brother threw up his hands.

"Whatever, I'm out of here."

With that, he walked off the bus, leaving us staring after him.

Santino frowned. "I don't get it. What's the big deal?"

Hayden patted his shoulder and said, "It'll be okay. Ryker's just having a moment."

"He's upset," Elliot said to London. "He'll get over it."

"S orry for what my brother said," Felix added. "Don't take what he said to heart. He didn't mean it."

"He meant it," London said quietly. Then she glanced at me with a sad smile. "That's why it hurts."

My heart panged in sympathy . "Even nice guys can be jerks sometimes," I said. "I can't speak for everyone, but I'm so glad you're here."

"Thanks, Ror."

"It's not even like we're the only ones sleeping together," Santino said , and my eyes widened before they went to his. He was already staring at me with a glint in his eyes.

"You know?" I asked.

" About you and Felix? Please, I've known the whole time."

Elliot nodded, and Hayden said, "Me too."

London sniffed then gave me a smile that looked a little wobbly around the edges. "It's not like Fe did a good job hiding it, stomping around in the dark."

Felix pursed his lips. "I'm super stealth."

"Sure you are."

Ryker stepped back onto the bus and walked until he rejoined the group.

Hayden crossed his arms. "Got something to say?" he asked.

"Yeah." Ryker took a deep breath then added, "I'm sorry for my outburst. It was uncalled for ."

His eyes settled on London.

"You're right. You can do whatever you want with whoever you want. Stay or go. It has nothing to do with me. It never did."

Ryker nodded to Santino.

"Your wrist okay?"

Santino sent him a smile. "It's all good, man."

He palmed the back of his neck. "Not sure why I got so bent out of shape."

I knew the answer to that, and she was standing not three feet away. But I didn't feel it was my place to make him see the light. Ryker would eventually acknowledge his feelings for Londo n. Hopefully, it wouldn't be too late when that happened.

"It's not like they're the only ones sharing a bunk anyway," Ryker added.

I frowned. " Seriously? D oes everyone know?"

That broke the tension on the bus, and laughter followed.

It was a bright moment. So far, the tour had been full of them.

I just hoped it could stay that way.